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  2. i guess i find myself wondering if indeed OCD is at play because i don't really get like panic attack type anxiety, its more low level than that, i do get a discomfort with the thought of liking men. i just want my brain to quieten down for a while.....
  3. It's a good idea to make sure you understand the difference: Reframing is adopting an appropriate helpful rational interpretation of things, rather than the irrational negative false and restrictive take of the OCD. Neutralising is an attempt to remove a thought by throwing an opposing view at it to try and get rid of it.
  4. I'm beginning to see what the pattern of my illness is and also understanding what compulsions i am doing to make me feel better in the short term. Since my theme of ocd surrounds sexuality and me being gay, i find myself checking out straight and gay porn to satisfy myself that a) i get aroused by the straight porn and b) i don't get aroused by the gay porn. i realise i've been doing this for a long time and it is quite possibly not helping. After all the results i get from this are that my response is to the straight porn, but i continue to ask myself the question. its like i cant be rational with myself, all the evidence i have is that i am naturally aroused by women, and not by men but i can't stop asking myself the question. i just wish my brain would shut up for a while and accept that i get aroused by women, and not men..... but no matter what i do it doesnt seem to stick. perhaps a different approach is needed whereby i stop asking myself the question..... but its so hard sometimes not to go through things in your mind or reassure yourself, i just wish i could break free and be comfortable with myself.....
  5. I would advocate you doing just that Phil. I feel (and I would, in the past, have included myself in this) that a lot of folk perceive admission to a psychiatric unit as entering some kind of oasis where all ills can be cured. Psyche wards are often scary and terribly tedious.
  6. I want to post about my experiences as I don't want to hijack someone else's thread but I'm not sure if it's a good idea or not.
  7. Thanks Roy I've just searched in the search panel, I think I need to read these and determine if I am neutralising? Not sure I am but I need to make sure I'm not. This is a new one for me so I think I need to understand the difference between reframing to neutralising a thought before I continue. Many thanks lost
  8. I dont know what i want anymore i cant cope phill
  9. Hi Phil. I do (and have always done) this. If I hear a banging new tune I have to give it multiple listens. It buoys my mood. So no harm to be done in my opinion.
  10. No I don't think you are neutralising, you are reframing which is fine. Neutralising is when we try and counter a thought with an opposite thought to "neutralise" it. So if I got an intrusion to suggest I didn't care, I might say in my mental chatter - no I am a caring person.This doesn't work. No what you are doing is reframing perception - retuning your impression of a room from the negative irrational take of OCD into a beneficial calming place. It's good stuff lost. It is easy for people to fall into the trap of neutralising, so I just wanted to make people wary of doing that
  11. Feel free not to answer: What do you think being admitted will achieve? Will you feel safer? Do you think the intensity of your thoughts will lessen? More importantly, do you want to be admitted?
  12. Thank you for the responses. Well I suppose it is either ritualised behaviour with the clothing or maybe just a habit - I don't know if it would cause me undue stress as I've always been like this + I see it as a waste of washing powder so maybe with hindsight it isn't OCD-related - unless of course I change my routine and feel worried. The music thing is possibly just really getting into a song that I like and playing it over and over again? Best wishes, Phil.
  13. Thanks Roy, Im a little confused ?‍♀️ does this mean it could be a bad thing ? I dont want to start something that is going hinder my progress rather than help me Im not sure what you mean by neutralising ? What does this mean ? Could you please explain to me if you think I could be neutralising instead ? Many thanks lost
  14. Spoke to my cpn i dont know if im going to be able to make it to him tomorrow he said he has to talk to the home treatment team to see if i can get admited.
  15. Today
  16. If you feel that bad I think you need to go to A&E or phone up one of the organisations mentioned above.
  17. I think this approach "has legs" in general. Well done lost When we take something to which OCD is giving bad associations e.g. a number, we can say to ourselves "sorry OCD nice try but I am not going along with that". Initially we might just consider how OCD labelling that number bad is its way of applying another restrictive rule. We might then look for rational, happy associations with that number. It's important that we don't use this as a neutralising exercise - as that would strengthen the OCD - but more as one of CBT's behavioural experiments, showing up how irrational the disorder is.
  18. Im worried about the neighbours im sure they know i hardly go out and avoid them feeling it this morning it feels like the end for me to take my life now.I wish i could just take my life i really do
  19. Yes it's working good for me, that's why I thought I would share it because anything is worth a try but unfortunately what works for one doesn't always work for another Its good that you have a few options available to chose from I think that's what we are all are aiming for to gradually reclaim our lives back, but unfortunately there is no text book case what works for one sadly doesn't always work for another, it's a case of learning through cbt what approach works best for us and applying it. It's a case of learning as we go along and persistence and patience is the key approach. This room I associated with as my safe room where I went to be alone sort my head out when I was anxious ? unfortunately doing compulsions, ruminating etc till my anxiety reduced to eventually rejoin my family again whether it took one, two or more hours this was actually feeding the OCD and making things worse so I wanted to change this. So I decided I wasn't allowed to go in here and do any OCD rituals etc it took lots of practice but each time I started to do any OCD compulsions I would leave the room. Now I go there in a anxious mood but enter knowing I'm going to do something positive instead and it's actually amazing ? how much quicker the anxiety reduces without ruminating etc. So a negative room as been replaced as a positive room and my anxiety reduces much quicker doing something enjoyable rather than the mental torment like before. I'd like to think I could adopt the same approach to each room
  20. Wonderer, How are you? Have you had a good weekend x
  21. I strongly disagree. What helped me immeasurable in my recovery was to question outright whether there was any truth whatsoever to my themes. Once one establishes that it's OCD and there is no evidence, one can begin to work on addressing it as such. I have had relationships during which I have questioned whether I have loved my partner as much as the previous one. Sometimes it's simply been stinking thinking. Other times it's been valid. My point was (and remains) that there is little point in trying to treat an OCD thought if in actuality it's just a fact of life. This is purely my opinion, so please don't berate me for it. Thank you.
  22. If I say that wouldn't it just spike the anxiety? Is it like an exposure tactic or the spike will eventually lessen? I honestly feel like I just want it to go away badly that the compulsion is probably trying to get rid of it cause I don't like the feeling either.
  23. I don't think it's good or bad but might be pointless. What do you gain by doing so? The fact is, you have OCD now and your focus should be on learning how to recover from it and doing the hard work necessary.
  24. True enough. Feelings ebb and flow naturally. Your attuned to your feelings right now, which you shouldn't be. Feel what you feel and get on with your day. And watch those compulsions. No good will come from doing them.
  25. Is this a useful contribution? Unless you're aiming for some kind of offbeat 'exposure'. The OP herself has ID the repetetive thoughts as OCD. The question you pose is useless on an OCD forum, in fact it's worse. There might be a time and place for such a question, but not here, not now.
  26. A few hours, at least. Does the fact that I felt numb mean anything? I mean people in a relationship can't feel "in love" constantly.
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