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  1. Today
  2. I have twin elder sisters, mid 60s. Still living together. One has recently finished chemo for cancer. Not in a good way. She’s gone home to die. I’ve spent most of this week in their home, for the first time in 20 years, cleaning and tidying, trying to make the place safer and habitable. There’s a bit of a hoarding problem… We’ve regained access to the back door, which now opens. Had to move a dead washing machine from the back, and stuff from inside, but it’s now clear. The level of clutter in the downstairs rooms is down to waist height, mainly. There is room now for the hospital bed, for my dying sister; and space for visitors to come. Neither live upstairs. My other sister sleeps on the sofa downstairs, their being a path through her boxes and bags of stuff. The worst of 10 years of grease and gunge from the kitchen is gone, and visitors may accept a cup of tea. There is still no hot water (the boiler has been broken for months), no cooker (waiting for it to be fitted) and a rat infestation in the garage, but hope to get that sorted soon. We are actually moving stuff slowly from the house into storage, although each item (though it may have been untouched for years) seems to be of great value. But there is progress. It seems to be one of those situations where you are overwhelmed and don’t know where to start, and so just dive in.. and it’s surprising how much can be done in a couple of hours. Just keep going around and doing… Im trying to make the final days of one sister as good as they can be, without completely alienating the other. I have realised this week that she is also unwell, just in a different way. I’ve been variously furious and accepting this week. It seems my well sister cannot function as a normal person may. There are no linear conversations. Everything is negative or morbid, and has been for many years. The reason there is no hot water is because her phone broke, and she is in dispute with the shop about if a new one should be covered on insurance… and the number for the plumber is on the phone.. The reason there is no toilet paper is because the place she get it from keeps it on the top shelf… I love them both and would do anything for them. No judgment here just wanting to help. It’s all round been a difficult year. We all lost our Dad last year, which has brought many suppressed emotions to the surface. I’ve started to experience some ill effects from my time in Afghanistan and Iraq. I’m dealing with a very elderly mum with dementia who wants me to take over her affairs. And I’m due back to work overseas in 2 weeks, for 6 weeks. By the time I get back my sister with cancer will likely have gone. Any thoughts on where I might be able to get some support for them (or me) most welcome.
  3. Yesterday
  4. I think you are right. I mean I got photos done on this house today and they moved my bins put toilet paper on my drawers which drives me mad due to poop germs but I had to go through that discomfort. Anybody who views my house will touch things too. My urge is to replace the drawers anyway. I mean any sort of move won’t be good for my ocd but if I want that move I have to deal with the discomfort.
  5. This is still bugging me and I can't shake it. It has morphed a bit now to feeling I could do his job so much better than him. I was told I lost because I wasn't creative enough. Every training I've had with the person has been him reading off a screen. I even had to endure that one on one with him. On top of that I am still the one bringing opportunities for outside PD for my team. Everything I do just feels like such a waste of my skills and that just feels like the worst. I don't want to be petty, but my OCD is so petty it's brutal to try and put on a oh I'm so happy your in the only promotion I wanted face. I don't like feeling this way, in fact I hate it. I plan on leaving in 2025 but need to be able to ride it out until then,
  6. I’m sorry to hear that. My Mother passed away 6 years ago and even the few years before that was very mentally unstable and suicidal minded form bipolar. I don’t do much and often like I said the friends I used to see occasionally or have some moments with, they do here and there spend time but it’s so few and far between and they spend most of there time with others and I guess it’s also bc I’m focusing on it and the past and making it worse then it is but I am trying to figure out how can I make my life more enjoyable alone? Can I take trips and make events alone, and still enjoy?
  7. That’s a good way of looking at it, I have had good moments and enjoyed things I did in 2018-2023. Despite any other issues I’ve been through and the tooth issues too
  8. So you've not enjoyed life since 2018 due to these issues. If you can put these issues to the back of your mind you might be able to enjoy life. If it doesn't hurt and hasn't got worse in 6 years then that's a sign it is a minor issue.
  9. I really need help with how the handle the nagging voice in my head telling me that I need to check my "scenario" again. I haven't done it yet today, but it is getting really hard to not go down that road. I am trying to be logical and either just not engage with the nagging voice, or tell myself that I know it won't get me anywhere. I don't know why I feel the pull to do it when I literally HATE doing it. I guess sometimes it makes me feel "safe" if I get the right feeling. But again, not really because I still feel the need to check and recheck. I'm exhausted and I don't want to give in to this. Will it get better and die down if I keep resisting?
  10. It sounds interesting, thanks for the heads-up @bendylouiseI’ll check it out on iplayer. I stumbled on The Outfit over on Netflix…initially thinking I’m really not that interested in ‘50s Chicago mobsters, but the cast of Simon Russell Beale, Zoey Deutch and Mark Rylance made me think they wouldn’t be likely to put their names to anything rubbish, so gave it a go. It’s quietly captivating and riveting about an English Savile Row tailor caught up in a criminal underworld, but set entirely in the shop. One of those films you never quite know which way it will turn, and not gratuitously violent. It could work equally well as a stage play.
  11. So basically your saying that last sentence as the way to handle letting go of the focusing biting down to feel how it is and using the distractions to solely focus on, so I can feel I can enjoy my life, am I correct?
  12. And Beardsley was inspired by the pre-Raphaelites and possibly b&w photography, all of them illustrating stories and myths with subtle symbolism. Edward Burne-Jones Design, made by William Morris & Co.
  13. If you've had it that long and no pain then maybe you just chipped it. Usually when a dentist makes some change in our mouths, or we accidently do, we get used to the change in a few days and aren't bothered by it anymore. But of course the more you think about it, the more you reinforce those neural pathways.........so hard as it is, stop thinking about it; distraction or absorbtion in something else.
  14. Because a lot of that feeling of the out of place feeling I am starting to think is me fixating and focusing heavily on it suddenly. And that’s why I’m noticing it and that’s why I continue to focus on when I bite down and If I don’t feel that out of place feeling. I continue to try to bite down to make sure I don’t feel it. And then I keep doing it and if I feel it again, the process repeats. Now what’s affecting me is that I feel in my mind I have to feel it and know that out of place and misaligned feeling when I bite down is either not there, or no different then before. And bc I feel I have to keep doing that to understand the out of place feeling when I bite down, between having this minor tooth issue and wanting to feel it when biting down. I feel I can’t enjoy my life and where I go and what I do bc of it. My question is regarding how do I go about enjoying my life and what I do and where I go that’s fun regardless of the issue and the feelings in my own mind bc of it as I just stated. @PolarBear @snowbear
  15. Happy Easter everyone! 🐣

  16. I'm sorry to hear that, I think most people would think about that issue most of the time - I would. I think it's a genuine health concern is what users are trying to say, that's all. However, trying to resist those thoughts and keeping busy is what I find helps me. Hope this helps.
  17. I’ve honestly had the issue since 2018. It hasn’t gotten any worse and it doesn’t hurt. I have to wait until the new health insurance. But how can I still enjoy my life with these issues is something I keep asking and not getting responses for
  18. I agree with @howard and @northpaul, I would go and see a dentist. I'm really sorry it's uncomfortable and I hope you get the treatment you need soon.
  19. I've heard teeth crack before(thanks healthfood shop nuts with rock in it) and usually you can feel it or a shift in alignment or you feel some sensitivity. It's also very hard to not start touching it with your tongue and therefore thinking about it. But if you have cracked your tooth, don't try to tell your mind to accept it, go to a dentist and get it checked.............or you may loose the tooth.
  20. Thanks @Bev53! It feels so wrong to NOT do the compulsions, but I am really trying to keep occupied with other things. It just feels very negligent.
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