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carolj

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About carolj

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  1. Hi, I was just wondering, do you suffer from OCD, or are you family or friend? Not that you can't post in here if you are suffering from OCD, but you may get a better response in the main forum. I would just say, over the years my son's OCD has taught me that anything can become an obsession.
  2. Hi and welcome to the forum. Its a long time since my son was 12, but I do know what you are going through and the awful sense of frustration and helplessness. Ive learned that its frightening having to face OCD and it could be that although she was happy with the counsellor, having to challenge the OCD was just too much. I think its really hard to force her to go, because she will probably just ignore what the counsellor says and carry on as before. May be if you tell her that you want her carry on going, but she will have control over how she challenges her OCD? The problem is that you know she won't work on it by herself and of course CAHMS will be similar to what the counsellor is doing now. Does the counsellor have experience with OCD?
  3. My son has PIP for his OCD, just fill it in as though its your very worst day. He didnt get the motability part, but thats ok. Good luck!
  4. newbie

    Hi Sharon The fact your daughter has said its time for help is such an important step, because she is much more likely to engage in her therapy when she has it. The self help book suggested by Gemma is a good idea and learning about OCD. Im not sure how your daughter's OCD affects her, but we do know reassurance only makes OCD worse. Having said that, its a nightmare for parents too and you just want to make everything better, so be kind to yourself, dont feel guilty if you have to give her some reassurance before therapy starts, but try and keep it to a minimum. Welcome and praise every tiny step forward, don't expect leaps. I hope it isnt too long before your daughter gets some help, in the meantime there is a support group in Portsmouth. You would have to check whether they welcome under 18s, as adult themes quite often come up in thoughts driven by OCD, but if not you could go by yourself. I have been and my son and its so useful to listen and talk to other people going through similar problems. I have met Stephen who runs the group and he is very knowledgable. http://www.ocduk.org/portsmouth
  5. Where to start to beat this

    Let's just say that David's psychiatrist, who is well known in the world of OCD, told him he had been with her longer than any other patient and that was a couple of years ago! He has had periods of time that he hasn't needed to go though. Now its anxiety to conquer. I totally understand what you are saying. My son's OCD revolves around something happening to people and animals he cares about and its really hard to be brave and and not carry out rituals when you believe it keeps people safe. Thank you for your good wishes.
  6. Where to start to beat this

    P S Now I have an update. My son saw his psychiatrist today and tells me for the first time ever, he is in remission! He still suffers from terrible anxiety, but the fact OCD is in remission, calls for a celebration and Im very proud of him, especially as it comes at a time that things haven't been easy. I think remission is a good word. My daughter had leukaemia when she was 8. She now has a family of her own, but the professionals never say cured, they always say remission.
  7. Where to start to beat this

    The driving fear will probably wax and wane, as it does with my son. He goes from racing on the track, to not wanting to drive down the road, but a happy medium usually returns in the end. I know what you mean about letting your son make his own decisions, that too was my feeling. OCD takes so much, any bit of control they can have over their lives must be good. Im always loath to say my son hasn't recovered, because we all need to feel there is light at the end of the tunnel, its important to remember everyone's OCD is different and the path to recovery. I would say he does have it under control for periods of time. It surfaces when he is under pressure, but I suppose we are now better equipped to deal with it.
  8. Where to start to beat this

    Can I ask what happens when he goes to college? How many days a week is it? You said earlier your son is happier with his new course, so presumably he manages to get up for that. My son does really badly under pressure, I think he feels his head is going to explode. I'm sure you have already tried it, but praising him for the little things, I find is very gratefully received. Try to get him not to worry about employment opportunities at the end of the course, he can deal with that when the time comes. Does he have, or need, student support? Encourage him to make very small changes that he can maintain and then tell him how proud of him you are. If he is setting himself difficult targets, he will just be demoralised and not bother. I agree with you, the sleep problem is a vicious circle. I would stop nagging, give yourself a rest, it probably makes no difference anyway. Praise him for getting up for college and perhaps find other reasons for him to get up on time during the week. I can't remember, does he have hobbies? My son took up mountain biking. He does it in fits and starts, but he says its the one thing that gives him relief from OCD. He has to concentrate so hard on staying on the track, there is no time for anything else! Snowbear will know better than me, but I have only really recently understood from my son that he feels guilty about the way he is and me going on about it, makes that even worse. I always told my son that I would find him help as soon as he was ready and one day he did say to me, he couldn't cope any longer by himself, but it did take until he was about 20.
  9. Interestingly this has been recommended for my son both by the Maudesley and an OCD expert we both know well Ashley. From what I gather it helps you to control extremes of emotion and your reaction to situations (well thats a simplified version!) and that it would help him be more accepting towards CBT.
  10. Obviously tacking the OCD is the aim, but it might be worth looking at companies which have signed up to this scheme https://www.gov.uk/government/collections/disability-confident-campaign My son is older than your son, but I know exactly what you mean, its such a difficult balance.
  11. Hi Jacqueline I can't better anything Snowbear has said, she always has good advice, but I would reiterate that your son most certainly doesn't hate you, he loves you, very, very much. It is my son with OCD, but I have just read something my daughter posted on Facebook. When she was a little girl she had leukaemia (possibly a trigger for my son's OCD, who knows), someone is writing a book and was asking for people's thoughts on what are good things to say and bad things to say to people with cancer. In her reply she said as a side note, 'be prepared for your child to be absolutely vile to you', (as she could be!), but who else are they going to be vile to? Actually they love you more than anything and you are their rock'. I think you have to try to hang on to that. You are the people he can show his terror to and he is most certainly terrified. He needs your love more than ever, but never feel guilty for losing it!! My son is an adult now, but I remember yelling at him, trying to get him to school, we still have our moments now! None of us ever thought we would have to deal with something like this and have absolutely no idea what we are doing! Going to work was and still is, my escapism, my time when I am able to, or try to, put my family problems to one side. I am thinking probably your partner/husband is able to do the same, so, as Snowbear suggests, ask him when he gets home if he will spend may be an hour with your son, whilst you do the normal things in life. When your son is at school, forget the housework, take time out for yourself and your baby. I do hope school are being supportive and have set up help for him? im also assuming you still have a health visitor for the baby. I would speak to her and try to enlist her help in getting your son's therapy as soon as possible. In fact enlist the help of anyone you can think of. It can feel lonely, but doesnt need to be
  12. I dont mean to be controversial about this, as Ashley knows, we spent a lot of money for my son on an intensive course that proved to be a complete waste of time. However, I do think we have to be careful not to expect those with mental health expertise not to charge the same as those who deal with physical ailments and indeed other services. My 34 year old daughter has had a stroke. The NHS have been fantastic, but she wants to see the expert in the condition that caused the stroke. We have got together the £300 needed to see him. Before I went on holiday I wanted to see a rheumatologist to get some help with pain. I am still on the NHS waiting list and he saw me on what was a 'return' appointment as I saw him years ago, that was £150, would have been £200. Is it because its hard to find swift, expert help on the NHS, that we feel the private sector are cashing in on this, which actually they are not charging any more than the 'physical' experts?
  13. Last hope of help

    Hi, Im really sorry you haven't had a reply before, sometimes posts get hidden by those following. Don't ever feel guilty, its exhausting for you too. Have you looked into the possibility of the specialist unit in Bristol, much closer to home for you? http://www.awp.nhs.uk/services/specialist/anxiety-problems-service/
  14. How can I help my friend

    Hi. Im very sorry you haven't received a reply before, but unfortunately sometimes posts gets buried. First of all, what a great friend she has in you, so nice for her to have someone who understands what she is going through. My son has been on many different medications and although one or two might help a bit, really its the CBT that is going to get her to a different place in life. Is it not on a regular basis? Unfortunately Im not sure I can make any more suggestions, except may be her husband needs to make a fuss if he feels she isn't getting the amount of CBT she so clearly needs? Carol
  15. Hi and welcome My son has intrusive thoughts too, although his OCD manifests itself by feeling responsible for everyone's safety and health, not just his own and I wonder if you partner's does too. Trying to keep you safe, as well as himself. It really can be all consuming and if he is going back to the doctor's, I would make sure they know he has deteriorated and keep the pressure on regarding the therapy. Im not sure about the situation in Northern Ireland, but here in England, we have to keep on about it! I really hope the holiday is the break you need. As Jess said, some people find it brings some relief. Do let us know how you get on. Carol x
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