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  1. Thanks :original: You have to always be on the look out as ocd tries to get its grip - morning is the worst for me. But by not engaging with the thoughts and getting on with living the anxiety goes right down and you start getting stronger as ocd gets weaker.
  2. Hi Friends Just wanted to let you know that i am again overcoming ocd. What has really helped me is :- Resisting engaging with the thoughts, having a deep understanding that the thoughts are ocd. This is very difficult at first but with practice you get stronger and better at doing this. Standing up to ocd, refusing to be afraid of the thoughts - when ocd shouts at me, i shout back, i have even said "im not afraid of you, i dont care what you say, go to hell ocd" i have said worse than that but i cant say it on the forum, lol. Accepting that i can never have 100% proof that what is ocd says isnt true - and being willing to accept this fact. Getting on with my life despite the thoughts / feelings being there. Not trying to rid myself of the anxiety but rather developing attitude of not caring whether ocd is there or not. In other words paying it little or no attention and refusing to let it ruin my life. Hope this helps Best wishes Zee
  3. Fresh guilt

    Dear Cub I also believe in God. He is my best friend who I can approach with full faith that he loves me and wont reject me (or you). In the past i have also compulsively prayed - i think we do it to try and rid ourselves of the bad feelings. Anyway what i do now is apologize sincerely once - if i feel i did something wrong and if i get the urge to compulsively pray i dont give in and try to keep a clear vision that its ocd making me do that. Very important to remember that God knows your heart and mind better than you know yourself so no possibility of any misunderstanding. God is all loving, no need to be afraid :original:
  4. Taking some time out of the forum, feel im using it for reassurance at the moment as i keep seraching similar topics to conince myself its ocd. Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers and good luck to you all. Zee

    1. BoneChina


      Good luck Zee! :-)

    2. SaraJane


      All the best Zee :)

    3. Caramoole


      I'm sure everyone will keep you in their thoughts. It's good to use the forums but also good when you realise when your usage needs tweeking a bit. You'll get there with that knowledge. C :)

  5. thank you Legend i was hoping you would respond as i know you have been through ocd hell and come out of the other side. I'll carry on doing what im doing, im off meds now too which im glad about - i found them helpful in the beginning but later on found they got in the way and off getting better.
  6. Hello mate nice to hear from you, Didnt have help for the abuse, feel i got over it to be honest just cant bare the thought that i could do something like that to someone. Is it good exposure to allow my child to come in the bed again as ocd says "what if i do something but cant remember" and so im wondering maybe its best to not have him in the bed.
  7. Hi I have beaten all my other obsessions apart from one. About 1 year ago i had a terrible thought "what if" i had done something inappropriate to my child when while we were both asleep but i couldn't remember doing it (due to being asleep). My child sometimes sleeps in our bed due to being scared off the dark etc. I thought i was over this - i treated it as ocd and even did exposure of intentionally letting our child sleep in the bed. However the other night i had a weird dream and our child was sleeping in the bed and i woke up and thought "Oh my God, what if i had touched him inappropriately while I was asleep but cant remember". This sent my anxiety levels through the roof and i made the mistake of ruminating over this, Yesterday i gathered some strength and stopped engaging with the thoughts ie doing the four steps and im getting better again. I would like to ask how can i make sure this obsession doesn't crop up again? I still have a slight doubt "what if i did do something" and because i cant get 100% clarity wont i always hold this guilt that maybe i did? What exposure could i do? Thank you Zee ps i know deep down i didnt do anything the thought makes me sick to the stomach, i was abused as a kid and i could never ever do that to someone. I wonder if that is why i have this obsession.
  8. Thanks so much - i have realized where im going wrong. For this particular theme i have never truly and deeply accepted that its ocd and have to a large degree believed it was ocd but allowed some doubt to remain. Therefore i say NO MORE to this, i do have ocd and this particular thought is OCD and is not real. Im ready for the fight with ocd now, im not going to allow this doubt to remain. Best wishes Z
  9. Hi Machiato and Onecando - YES YES YES what you say makes perfect sense. Regarding the soup analogy - i have had one fear that i might of done something awful almost one year ago but dont remember and this was "simmering" i was almost used to it but it was triggered again. How do you do exposure to something your not sure is even real? I even find myself doubting if i have ocd at all
  10. that was all quite confusing - what im really asking is "has your ocd ever made you believe you might have done something awful but you couldn't remember doing it?" and if so please give some example. Sorry dont mean to bump this up but wanted to be clear. thx
  11. Hey Brian ;-) Been through almost identical situation as you described. The only way to get through that is to learn to stop fearing the thoughts, dont engage with them as this gives them strength. Allow the thoughts to be there and try and distract yourself. gradually the anxiety will go down and the reality that the these thoughts and feelings are just ocd taking you for a ride will become clearer. Good luck mate Zee
  12. Hi there Not posted for some time, have been doing great but last couple of days had some really strong ocd attack that has left me feeling down as i thought i had cured my ocd. An old theme of mine popped up triggered by a dream and then some stupid what if thought. I should have known better but i allowed myself to start trying to remember exact details of the trigger and this left me more and more doubting and unable to truly know what was real and what was ocd. I have resisted engaging in the thoughts for 2 days now and am just getting on with life. Im getting better which is great, anxiety is down, feel more grounded and rational now however it really took me by surprise. I wanted to ask people to please give their own experiences of how ocd can make something unreal feel real and if they have also felt at times unable to tell the difference between ocd and reality. Many thanks Zee
  13. Thank you Snow, Blue and Kitty :original: Im doing well, 5 days of the meds and im able to sleep, have backache (not sure if related). Im taking it easy, meditating and getting on with life - fingers crossed all will be ok. Zee
  14. Hi :original: I tapered down from 20 mg to 10 mg citlaopram over one month then stopped. I was also taking 15 mg mirtazapine to and went to 7.5 mg for a month then stopped. I feel ok ocd wise, however im having trouble getting and staying asleep and when i do sleep i have mad dreams all night, Could this be due to stopping meds? Today i also have back ache and feel a bit sick....any ideas??? Im tempted to carry on with 7.5 mg of mirtazapine just to get some sleep. Thanks Zee
  15. Thank you all for your very helpful messages - i very much appreciate your advice. I had my 1st day today - i filled in the health questionaire and put they I had suffered sever anxiety for a period in 2012 and was taking 20 mg citlopram (it also asked if i was on any medication so i had to put that). My boss asked my how I am and i said im fine, im coming of meds now. He looked a little surprised but just moved onto something else. At least its out in the open now, so i guess they cant discriminate against me as i didnt hide it. I didnt say i had ocd, rather sever anxiety - its to personal to be describing my obsessions to some guy i dont even know lol. Take care Zee