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ocdismylife

Bulletin Board User
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About ocdismylife

  • Birthday 17/03/1991

Previous Fields

  • OCD Status
    Sufferer
  • Type of OCD
    I have OCD. I obsesses about my relationship more than anything else. I have mental rituals.

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    Scandinavia
  • Interests
    Reading
    Walking
    Workout
    Studying
    Cozy nights with my BF
    Film night
    Poetry
    Writing

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  1. Hi Guys. I'm not really happy about this piece, but I still want to share it with you all. I will have to rewrite a few things later, but this is the first draft It's not the typical rhyming poem, but more in the prose style. Enjoy! You, me and her. I do not want to lose you, But I feel you crumbling, Just slipping away. You see; I can hear it. A constant voice, Always knocking. ... It starts as a lingering thought, A weak whisper. She grows, Screaming for attention. Demanding me to look her way. She gets brassy. Nags, And shouts. She's ripping at me, And I'm locked in my brain again. She's brutal. She won't stop, Until mind and soul are beaten up blue. Mag; Our life, Our souls, are one. I love you. And it's a love that runs so deep inside me, That she makes damned sure to remind me of all the ways I can lose you. ... I'm locked in my head, In a deep dark hole. There is no light, No end, Just a reminder of all the ways I can lose you. I'm scared Mag. I'm Drained, Confused, .... Anxious! I'm paralyzed from life, From living. I'm completely disabled from doing anything but worry. But you hold on to me Mag. Your hands as tight as ever. You stay with me, Even when she is screaming to let go. I see everything. Maybe more than others. And I see you. You are shattered. Completely empty. And this all me and her, Me and my OCD. Instead of building you up, I have dragged you down. Instead of loving you passionately, I have questioned my love. Instead of flowering you with words of love, I have confessed thoughts of hate. Instead of putting you first, I have chosen her. ... I'm staring at the walls around me. So thick, So tall. But none the less My walls. Walls I need to climb. I want to choose you Mag. There's no room for three! I want you so badly, I want us. You and I. But she's knocking,.. A weak whisper. She grows, Screaming for attention. Demanding me to look her way. She gets brassy. Nags, And shouts. ... For a moment there is a silence. She stops-no more knocking. I choose you Mag.
  2. Thanks for the good reply. Ive been to therepy today and my therapist said obsessions are typically ego-dystonic, but some OCD thoughts can be ego syntonic( may be pleasant or unpleasant but still feel consistent with your reality). She went on saying that the lines between these concepts can be blurry and efforts to be certain about what is syntonic or dystonic is best understood as an OCD compulsion....:( However I now know that OCD thoughts can be ego dystonic or syntonic which scares the **** out of me. I use to think all OCD thoughts were false and it was easier to let them be...but now finding out this Im ruminating on every thought to find out what ego it is...
  3. I have a question .. All research says OCD and sexual obsessions are ego-dystonic. But is that really the case with all OCD? I have had POCD for 10 years and I have suffered from intrusive sexual thoughts, groinals ,sexual thoughts during sex, using all my time to find out if I am a pedophile or not. I later learnt this is OCD. However I had a fear of being attracted to teens as young as 15(where I live it is legal to have sex with a 15 year old). I worried because I am 25 years old and being sexually attracted to a teen would make me a bad person. I had all the same symptoms I had in pocd, so I knew it was OCD. But then a year later, I actually did find a 15 year old attractive sexually and then I panicked. This means my OCD teen fear became true, and I thought they were suppose to be Ego-dystonic? So this is where I am confused. If OCD is always Ego-dystonic, this means I have misunderstood my attraction for the 15 year old? Or is some OCD “true” and how is one suppose to know?
  4. Thanks guys.Ive taken him back,luckily he wanted me back!!!And im working through it.Whats really funny is that the OCD to that has disapeared now and pocd has blown up.So its not an issue anymore which states......OCD
  5. Very well said!If he hadnt told me I would still date him :/ Maybe i just need to try really hard to look past it
  6. I was hoping it was just ocd..so i could look past it
  7. Its hard to tell if I actually cant accept the fact that he has mild aspergers..
  8. Hi there. Most of you know I was in a 4 year relasionship,which ended 2 years ago. I have newly met a man and we have dated and we became an item. I did ofc break it off yesterday as ROCD was eating at me. But I did realize something new. The guy told me he had a mild form of aspergers,and my OCD went haywire!! I was obsessed with this and couldnt look past the fact that he had it. I got awful thoughts saying how could I settle for someone like that when I can get so much better.Ocd kept calling him a retard...:( OCD was so obsessed by him having mild aspergerd and him therefore not being normal,I had to break it off... Trust me,I know how awful this sounds and thats why I am in shock.But the fact that he has aspergers made my OCD worse and I couldnt see past it...is that a normal thing with OCD?Or am I just the devil in disguise?
  9. I never thought this day would happend as I have had my baaad days... Yesterday I voulenterly admitted myself to an emergency psychiatry...aka mental institusion. It feels weird being here... My OCD wasnt really bad,just yesterday I broke down and I wanted to end things..I felt such a strong urgue and I called my sister and she could tell I was out of it.She asked me to call someone for help and I did... Being here has given me comfort in a weird way..being around people has helped.I have no friends and all I do is work...so being here and talking to people rather just my sister,felt good. I just wanted to update people who know me..I feel calm..but the same time defeted,like it cant get any worse now..Im at a mental institusion. Hope everyone is holding up x
  10. This is my sister and I am so proud of her coming on gere posting.I too have POCD as you all know and helping her can be so hard.
  11. Ok I got her on here!!!Her name is theroyal.Shes posted!!
  12. Thank you so much!I will try as hard as I can! That helpline sounds amazing Live in Norway...
  13. She says a forum will only trigger her pocd more :/ She cried all night...and she sleptover. It hurts too see her like this as she has always been the strong one helping me with my pocd... She also believes she doesnt have pocd...but I know she does.As a teen she had pocd..hocd...religion ocd... The helpline is it only for uk?
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