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Rob Gardner

Bulletin Board User
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About Rob Gardner

  • Birthday 13/03/1963

Previous Fields

  • OCD Status
  • Type of OCD

Profile Information

  • Gender
  • Location
    Dover, Kent
  1. Further Help

    Hi Ashley Thanks your advice and I will take heed and not go ahead with the plan. I haven't mentioned anything to my customers partner as apart from anything I seem to be too busy myself - but I think this is possibly diversion ? if it is, its engrained and needs to be unlearnt. Of course I could just be busy ! I also wanted to air the scenario here to see how others felt about it. I thought it would be heaven having found someone that understands rather than the usual help which is usually something like, I'll clear the lot for you, when you get home it'll be gone" or "What you need is a decent fire" I've also had a person surreptitiously throwing things away or family members just making space for me. Which as you can imagine hasnt ended well From a selfish point of few I would have had a person with a similar set of values where we could have perhaps started on what to keep and work backwards rather than the "What should we get rid off" task. I really do want a practical hand with this task. At this point I feel I have all the tools required to take the task on I'm just unable to do it. I'll read the recommended books and re-evaluate. The fellow sufferer isn't going anywhere fast.
  2. Further Help

    Hi Hal Apologies for my late reply. I always seem to be chasing my tail, I think its part of OCD or having a full or cluttered mind I'm not really sure but as you're aware its all work in progress. Thanks for your ongoing support, the scenario of having a hands on therapist is exactly the luxury I seek, it would be great to have that assistance and then support in the aftermath. Coincidently I've found a fellow sufferer in Dover and she's perhaps in a worse place then me - I've thought about perhaps offering to help her if she helps me as I can be quite objective about other peoples hoarding and I would also understand her fears and anxiety and vice versa. I've ordered the Overcoming Compulsive Hoarding from the library and I totally recognise myself in Fred Penzel's writing. I think I've enough to keep me going at the moment but will be using the forum more in the future. Thanks again
  3. Further Help

    Hi Angst Thanks for your reply, this may sound daft but I've never until recently thought I may have other things as well as, I was constantly being diagnosed as having depression but in the end it was found I had a under active thyroid. Its great to hear that you understand the switching off thing. I live in a hovel, I know its a hovel but I never think about tidying up, decorating making the place homely. Its a storage place where I don't know where anything is. It doesnt feel like home just somewhere I reside. As stated I sleep on a mattress the easiest thing in the world should be to make space and buy a bed - or even a sofa bed but I make do. I'll definitely get the book from the library - I dont buy anything now that I might keep unnecessarily, which is a bit of a shame as I used to love to read music papers as it was my passion, but I loved them too much and kept them all ! There are two books that I have read that I found very useful but I found only for the moment as I don't know if this is a trait but I have a very poor memory, I will decide to keep Wednesday afternoons clear just for sorting and tidying and then completely forget. I did abuse alcohol and drugs but I think thats a lazy prognosis I also dont agree with using the "Its your age" card either I realise thats a bit of a closed statement but so are those two opinions - a bit too easy and final for me as I'm now very healthy I exercise and eat all the right things to keep my mind in a good place. I feel extremely positive about reaching my goals at the moment, your support gives me hope and enthusiasm Many Thanks
  4. Further Help

    BelAnna Thanks for taking the time to reply. I will look up the Anxiety Disorders Residential Unit in Beckenham and the Centre for Anxiety Disorders and Trauma at the Maudsley and talk to my GP about them, as already stated he's a great GP and if there were options available locally he would refer me. I really want to receive some help so I can get on, when I try to tackle getting rid of things myself its like someone punching me in the stomach, I also run the risk of the intrusive thoughts starting and these can go on for months, even years, the thing is its just one room of things now and once its done its done but even the thought of it makes me anxious - its almost like a phobia. But I'm tackling it and this time it does feel different in that I want to get it done for me so I can have a home and more importantly a bed. Previously it has always been a task to be done either because storage was costing money or because I was renting flats too big for me or someone was tackling me to get things out of their lofts, sheds, spare rooms etc. So there has been a shift - possibly in my self worth or awareness, but a definite shift. Thanks again for your help - I hope I'm not putting to much detail in my replies, but I know the people on hear understand me and its good to get it out of my system - it helps Thanks again
  5. Further Help

    Hal Thanks for your comprehensive answer in particular I like the "out of mind out of sight" suggestion. There is definitely something like that going on, when away from home and can think a lot clearer and really get to grips with what needs to be done, but as soon as I'm home all my thoughts are gone, completely forgotten. Its a much stronger sense than "Cant be bothered" it almost feels like I'm waiting for someone, possibly a parent. Who knows ? I've actually managed over the years to get rid of a lot of things I'm now down to the things that were always going to be hard. I'm also at the point where I realise there is much more to OCD than I realised or that perhaps I have other mental health problems as well as - maybe I suffer from something different. Thirty years ago as soon as I mentioned intrusive thoughts my GP went down the schizophrenia route, twenty tears ago ruminating thoughts, then about ten years ago OCD. I now have the best Doctor I've ever had but sadly all the local mental health units are at breaking point and I'm seen as managing, but as I've put back to my Doctor managing isn't a great place to be. I've checked out the hoarding article and can strongly identify with it - just reading it brings a sigh of relief.If you know of any good self help books pertinent to this please recommend. I'll also put the two titles I've recently read on the site. I recommend them but although a good read and practical when it came to the crunch I just cant do the things I need to do, that's not a slight on the books they were extremely insightful and helpful. I'll look them out
  6. Further Help

    Thanks Hal appreciated. I've used the Dover counselling service but its very much counselling and you only get either six or eight sessions. But I'll definitely try the others. Can I ask another question ? As stated I'm still very much learning about what is me and what is OCD and how its governed my thinking. I'm pushing to overcome my problems and if I can afford it would even pay someone to help me.I've heard I might be eligible to certain benefits even though I work - this is another avenue I will follow. One of my biggest problems is when alone at home I kind of switch off. I dont really see what needs to be done and have no interest in making my place homely. Oddly my Brother is the same but even worse, He will literally sit indoors doing absolutely nothing until his wife comes home from work then he can get on with things. I feel if I had someone to guide me, give me a hand I could get on with things a lot better. It sounds like I need a Mother to enable me to get on with life and help me throw things out just as she would have with a child. Perhaps my Brother and myself have both missed out on something fundamental ? I'm talking aloud here and realise this would have to be answered by somebody professional. My question is have you ever heard of this type of behaviour being linked in to OCD ? I'm not depressed and can get on with most things but my place is an absolute tip partly due to clutter and not knowing where to start and also because I've never decorated from when it was empty, like I've said I sleep on a mattress on the floor when most would strive for a bed. I'm not asking for the bigger answers just have you ever heard of this as I don't know if I can attribute it to OCD or whether its completely separate. Thanks again for your swift response Rob
  7. Further Help

    Hello Everyone. I haven't used the forum for a few years now as I feel I haven't the time to contribute so thereforefore it feels wrong to take. However could any body please advise me what may be available in the way of support. I live in Dover Kent and the mental health facilities are gone, there is no one available to help - my Doctor will also say "There's nothing available that we haven't tried before" but I'd like to have some of whatever we tried before as my OCD is ongoing with some days / years being better than others I take medication which helps with the intrusive thoughts, I also dont do anything that I know will start them off. In hindsight I can see this illness has very much controlled me, what I thought was my personality has been governed by my OCD and not doing things that may trigger the debilitating thoughts has become the norm. Its a very lonely illness. I feel I need practical help with my hoarding and way of thinking. If I tackle these things the stress and anxiety is overwhelming and then it will often spark the debilitating thoughts which can go on for months in some instances years. The more detrimental they are the better. I've dealt with these in the past with drink and drugs they would go away when I got really high. I no longer do this as I couldnt cope with the lifestyle. As you all know the anxiety that OCD brings is overwhelming I liken it to somebody asking a non sufferer to climb down a cliff, they'd be petrified but they might manage it - or they might fall to their death.But with the right tools, a harness, grips, guidance, ropes - possibly an instructor they'd still be petrified but the task could be accomplished, the risk of death considerably diminished. My task isn't to climb down a cliff but to clean out my old "stuff" I've carried this hoard around with me for two decades. I've spent a fortune paying storage fees and renting over size flats so much so that when the money ran out I still had things in storage but chose to live in my car before ending up in a hostel for two years. Over time the hoard has grown smaller and now fits in one room, what should be my bedroom. I sleep in the front room on a mattress. My flat is a tip and I have days where I'm totally worn out and stuck. I feel there is much more to my illness that I still do not understand If I'm going to live in comfort I need practical help with my getting rid of things or some decent support other than more medication. Any advice would be greatly appreciated Thanks
  8. Hi.

    I apologise for the late reply, but the holiday got in the way and I have been to my Brothers to collect another carful. This swamps my tiny flat and renders me "stuck" I've made a appointment to see my GP on the 14th Jan in the hope of seeing the counsellor again. I will get the two books recommended by Sarah1984 from the library. In the mean time I will chip away at throwing my things away. I have already found my documentation given to me by the counsellor which I'm reading through, which will help and ultimately I know I "just have to do it" getting through the anxiety. On the plus because there is such at lot of stuff from many years ago which has been stored for five years there is quite a lot of things that I can see need to be thrown. Its just doing it, I can throw things of value more readily than a small pot of rusty tacks - because they may be useful. I have looked through the forums for support and found these http://www.youtube.com/user/everybodyhasabrain?feature=watch. Thanks again for your help, By reading the forums I identify with so much its really been beneficial and I shall keep returning Rob
  9. Hi.

    Hi Northern Star, Thank you for your reply its helped in that its encouraging that others are there for me. My ex is the only person that I can rely on to understand and " be my sensible head" she is always there for me and I cannot under estimate the time she puts in. Whats stressing me so much at the moment is the demands of my sister in law who wants the loft emptied now - it has been around four years. The worst part is the stuck part it completely overwhelms and I literally do nothing apart from wander around stressing. However I do have flashes of clarity and i'm going to try to throw things today ( to make room for more ) I will indeed contact my GP and of all things Ive been offered another loft, but thats only a plan B. My intention is to throw as I go ending up with the things that I require in my very small flat. Yesterday I didnt really get anywhere in terms of actually throwing things away. Today my ex is coming over and we've agreed that she will throw what she considers to be rubbish and of no use or purpose, I must then allow 50% minimum to go. I know we're meant to do use independantly but this is the best I can do at the moment. Thanks for the support Rob
  10. Hi.

    Hi Everyone. My names Rob I'm forty nine. I've joined this forum as I need help. This is the first time using any forum so please be patient if im making errors. I have always had mental health issues. Throughout my life I have often been diagnosed with depression which at times has been quite debilitating, I also have intrusive thoughts / images which are always self depreciating, typically involving sex and the death of loved ones. These in part ruined my marriage as they were particularly strong whenever I got close to my wife. At the time these were noted as ruminating thoughts. They were so severe I fear their return, this is one reason i do not get emotionally close to people as they do indeed return. Some years later after our split ( we remain married) having spent a fortune on storing things and living in oversized flats which can only be described as warehouses rather than a home I ran out of money. I ended up in a hostel for people that had been homeless. It was here that my illness was highlighted as I put so many things in my room the staff were concerned. I saw a brilliant counseller who felt I had OCD tendencies, however this was on the NHS so the sessions were limited. My biggest problem is hoarding, I just dont seem to be able to throw items away. I seem to just get stuck and when this happens I seem to get stuck and do nothing at all. Why I need advice at the moment is I put an awful lot of my belongings in my Brothers loft and its now time to empty it. I can manage to throw things but very little at a time. I want to do this but cant do it on my own. Any help / suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Thanks Rob