Ollie46

My absolute worst behaviour at the moment, it can be very sneaky sometimes and I realise I'm doing it without meaning to, in the exact kind of situation you describe. Catch yourself every time dude, it's doable but difficult.

Thanks for the response Malina! I did exactly what you said in regards to sitting it out today, and whilst I failed in a few moments I'm proud of how much I managed to just allow that uncomfortable feeling to be there! At one point I felt extremely relaxed for about an hour or so, which is rare these days, so I can go to sleep feeling good about something ? Also, I feel you on the topic of lockdown. I tried so much stuff to keep my brain occupied. Keeping regular exercise, cooking more, online calls with friends, ANYTHING to try and improve my mood and keep me from losing my mind. It works sometimes but it's not the magic elixir that I'd rather that just stops the bad feelings! I think I just had to accept at some point that it was just going to feel bad sometimes, and rather than fixate on that feeling, just ride with it and see where it takes me

Thanks again for the reply Gemma, I think on some level I know I have to do this, I have just found it extremely difficult recently. The lockdown lifestyle is certainly not for me, I have found my compulsive behaviours go crazy since I'm not at work (currently on furlough), and therefore lack focus or routine. Truth is, this is just one of many obsessions I have and I struggle to keep on top of all of them at the moment it's a nightmare! Bringing it back to basics and being reminded that it's just doing the four steps over and over is a helpful reminder

The truth is, I know I'm not the only person who notices things like this, but I know I'm the only person who let's it bother them to such an insane degree. And I beat myself up a lot about it because: 1) the obsession is so stupid and there are people out there who have actual obsessions that are serious, like fear of harming a loved one 2) I used to be able to deal with stuff like this so well and the OCD steps (relable thoughts, reattribute their meaning, refocus your attention, etc) used to come so naturally to me a few years ago and I was basically OCD free. But I struggle to even take the correct measures for 30 minutes anymore

Thanks for the response Gemma, I know it's a really odd problem, I almost feel embarrassed about telling anyone because it's not like I'm worried about harming someone or anything, which is a serious and understandable obsession. So when I say I obsess, you are correct, I constantly feel the need to rewind and check it, and try and figure it out, like 'do other people notice this too?' It all stemmed from a moment where I was watching a film that I had seen a hundred times, and I noticed that, in the background of one of the scenes, you can see a crew member of the set who wasn't supposed to be on the screen at the time. For some reason, my OCD immediately latched onto it because it was a 'mistake' and, therefore, the entire film is now 'tainted' because, before it was perfect, and now I noticed an imperfection so the whole thing is ruined. I am now reading what I'm writing and seeing that I sound like a total lunatic, by the way, it's so odd that my OCD does this. It's so hard to explain but imagine you're watching a movie and you're completely absorbed and enjoying it. But then it's like somebody is whispering in your ear and pointing things out that you wouldn't normally notice and it takes away from the moment of enjoyment. As if somebody is saying 'if you pay attention here, you can see that there is a mistake.' And that's what I do, I compulsively check to see if there are any little 'mistakes' on screen because, if there are, that means the film is now 'bad' and I can't enjoy it anymore. It's this black and white, all or nothing thinking that is typical of something like OCD

Okay, so I have a 'theme' of OCD that I don't often talk about because it's just so odd that I honestly find it difficult to describe to people. But I find myself in these OCD loops that I can't get out of and I'm struggling to identify the point where to work up from, so any advice would be appreciated. My current obsession, and one I have had for a long time now, is essentially noticing minor details that most people would just never notice. Usually regarding things I love doing to relax, such as playing videogames and watching movies. I notice these details or imperfections that any normal, relaxed person just wouldn't notice, and then I obsess over it and it completely ruins the enjoyment. It can be, honestly, anything. From a particular camera angle in a film, to the way a character model in a game interacts with the environment, there's is no limit to what my OCD will deem an acceptable thing to have a panic attack over. This presents me with a complex issue and I have no idea how to tackle it. The issue being, usually watching a film or playing a game is one of my 'distractions' for when I feel like I'm obsessing over something. But now, OCD has found away to ruin my solution to an already OCD related problem. By completely disengaging with the activity because of the anxiety, I feel like I'm doing an avoidance compulsion. But, if I try to just sit and relax and watch a movie or something, all I do is obsess and ruin it for myself. So it's a damned if you do, damned if you don't scenario. Any advice out there for a situation like this? It just brings more unwanted, unneeded and frankly undeserved stress to my life.

This is something I have been wondering about for a while now and have struggled with quite a bit. For a long time now my libido has been severely decreased, and I feel like it's in direct correlation with my low mood and anxiety. Things is... I'm not sure how to fix it, and it has now become an obsession practically. I'm extremely concerned about it and I think and obsess over it a lot, I'm worried it will just never go back to normal. I have had weeks here and there where I feel like my old self again, but they are short lived in part because I fear reverting back to having low libido, which then makes me anxious and... well, you get the picture. Has anybody else had similar experiences? It's been, like, 2 years. Just worried I'll never get it back.

This week has been a pretty big downward slope unfortunately, starting well and slowly getting worse throughout. Today I am extremely tired and my mood is very low, and whilst my OCD isn't especially loud it's still there in the background making everything that little bit more worse. I am also extremely tired because of work, and I have to work again today, which I normally wouldn't, because of bank holiday. The low mood I experience is pretty horrible and I have developed a recent new obsession about my loss of attraction to women, mainly due to low libido because of the obvious. This is extremely frustrating for me, and puts me in an even lower mood. However, I recently started seeing a therapist, finally, after feeling like I needed one for months. This is a big positive step for me, I am very happy I did it. She has started doing CBT with me and I have so far found it very useful, but she was on annual leave this week so we didn't have a session and I can already feel the effects of it. But we have made a start on fixing some of my terrible self confidence issues and have lightly touched on some of the OCD problems, although not going particularly in depth on it yet. I suppose all good things have to come with time. But yeah, mainly just wanted to get my feelings out there, hope you are all keeping safe and doing well

Its 5am, I just worked 24 exhausting hours over the last 2 days and I can't sleep. I'm so upset. I just feel stressed out all the time. My libido has plummeted completely... I'm 24 years old and single, it's making me not want to enter into any kind of relationship and it feels like I will never get it back. I don't know what to do I've tried everything. I can't just sit there and the the thoughts be, it's too stressful, it keeps me awake. And if it's not my intrusive thoughts, then it's worrying about everything else. God I'm so tired I just want to sleep and switch my brain off

I think my main problem is becoming frustrated. I definitely still engage in compulsions occasionally, not so much avoidance but rather the attempt to reason or break down the thoughts. However, when I attempt to meditate (I do usually use a scripted guide for that) I find that because I'm 'trying' to relax, the intrusive thoughts become much louder in my head and is often accompanied by a hit of anxiety. I suppose I'm supposed to ignore it and focus on the breathing practices but it becomes very frustrating for me, I end up becoming angry rather than relaxed. It feels like the world is conspiring against me at that point! I suppose my real problem is basically calming tell down when I get frustrated, I've never been good at just accepting that it's okay to feel whatever you feel and try to refocus attention on breathing.

This is something that I really have struggled with recently. I keep trying things like Yoga and meditation, even after I've done exercise, in order to try and calm my mind but I find it so difficult. My head is extremely loud and the more I try to relax, the more intrusive the thoughts get, the more anxious I feel and the more frustrated I get with the practice. Does anybody else experience this? And if you have, do you have any advice on overcoming it? It would be much appreciated

Thanks you for the response malinga, it was very helpful. I think it's pretty clear, now that I've read what you have said, that I have a really big problem with 'just letting things slide' when it comes to mental health, which definitely explains a lot about why I have OCD. We all relate to compulsions feeling like the most distressing itch ever that you just HAVE to scratch, and I used to have my coping mechanism down with it... But unfortunately, that coping mechanism allowed a degree of compulsion engaging that, now, I can't allow any more because the extreme low moods make it that much more difficult to bounce back. Keeping to routine is also something I usually do, and have found helps, but has been difficult the past 3 months dude to lockdown. I'm a bartender, and have been furloughed, meaning routine for me as I knew it basically flew out the window. However, I have recently tried to incorporate physical activities such as playing basketball at a local court into my life and have felt better for it overall, so that's a positive I suppose! I will see about looking into online therapy as well, I basically forgot how good it is just to talk to people sometimes and have only been reminded after I spilled my guts out to my friend recently about everything on my mind. Even if somebody just listening is all I can get from online therapy, it may be worth it for me

OCD's wonderful partner in crime has been a constant in my life since I had my bad relapse a couple years ago. It's mainly what made dealing with the relapse so difficult since I was now dealing with an extremely low mood all the time, which made it difficult to celebrate those little victories you have against OCD. I'm sure I'm not the only one here who suffers from depression or extremely low mood alongside OCD, and I was wondering two things... First question is: does anybody have some survival tips about dealing with depression and OCD at the same time? I find it very hard when depression robs me of feeling happy when I beat my OCD back- it feels like it slows the process down massively. Second question is: What does everybody think of online therapy, if any of you have done it? Is it worth maybe getting involved with? I didn't do it the whole of the UK lockdown because I felt like I'd prefer to see somebody in person, but I'm willing to try anything at this point. Therapy would have probably saved me an awful lot of pain through this lockdown and I kind of regret not trying it out.

Hey all, been a while from me. Definitely happy to say this is generally a good thing, though. The fight is still a tough one, but I'm getting there. The Coronavirus lockdown has absolutely had both positive and negative effects on my OCD. I guess, more than anything, I'm just struggling to get over it in general. I have a bunch of thoughts on multiple subjects that bother me and cause me anxiety. And I know all these things aren't real. But it's hard to keep it in check. With all the global pandemic stuff, plus the crazy stuff going on in America right now, it's been difficult to feel okay. My sister also had a total mental breakdown earlier and, whilst I called her and made sure she was okay, the lockdown rules mean we can't see each other and it's just really hard, honestly. The thoughts are so strong and bothersome, but I'm fighting hard. I just am really finding it difficult to let it be. Needed to talk to people who get it. Hope you are all surviving okay!

Thank you for this response Dksea, and apologies for taking so long to get back. I have been working an awful lot over this xmas period, a solid 60 hours a week, which I'm sure has had an impact on my mental health. Given that my job involves working very late nights and is quite a physical activity, I'm quite worn down. Tonight I feel horribly depressed. I have been feeling a bit better recently and, rationally, I know you are absolutely correct. I also know that, realistically, what I experienced was a direct result of having OCD because on the days where I experience very little OCD, I dont have those I intrusive thoughts or feelings at all! But as you say, I get stuck in the loop of guilt and analysing past events. Sometimes making the decision to not punish myself is difficult because the guilt makes me feel like I deserve it. But I spend more time feeling much better now, I just need to not get sucked into guilt as a compulsion and put a lid on all the other compulsions I have in general. Xmas is hard on us suffererd given the stressful time of year, so I'm proud that I'm coping well overall.