fruitloops

I've taken myself off meds recently after 9 years and it felt great first few weeks, still off them now, get less anxiety but still same old ocd thoughts. I think it's important to point out though that I've had extensive therapy and am studying counselling/psychology, without which I would not have been able to do so. Never really drunk so can't help with that, but if you can determine the source of your anxiety and work out a few things related to it I believe anyone can come off meds - although this is only SSRI's I am talking about (been on Sertraline, Rispiridone, Citralopram and one other beginning with 'C' in the past). On a personal note I think drinking is fine (despite the fact I choose not to do it) providing it doesn't become a form of medication..... look into some other therapeutic hobbies?!

Thanks for taking time to read my post - I suppose really I was seeking some reassurance but has been helpful to get a bit off my chest

Made some big improvements regarding contamination, pleased to say this is no longer the main aspect of my OCD. Been able to take myself of medication, which I feel much better for and am entering last year of university at undergraduate level (psychology and counselling, combined). I have been able to have a bit of a clear out of some old things recently, but there are others thrown out (not by myself) years ago which I am still angry about. I know a lot of this relates to my fear of spending money and emotional attachment but am still finding it difficult to let go, but I'm so pleased with what I have managed to let go. However, a big issue for me is to do with knocks to the head and their effect on intellect/concentration. I would consider myself to be of reasonable intellect (7 GCSE's grade A-C, passed an Access to higher education course in 2010 and first 2 years of university) but always tell myself I could have done better had I not had so many knocks to the head. I was recently punched 4 or 5 times but not concussed or knocked out and am concerned this along with other blows I have received over the years may have an impact on my ability to study, although I believe the temptation will be to blame any academic shortcomings on what has happened as opposed to my own weaknesses. There are some aspects of my personality I do no want to change but have the idea that taking blows to the head will effect these. I have received other blows to the head in the past, including a leather football kicked at full power from very close range in 2009, intentionally smacking my head on a door frame repeatedly in 2003 (out of frustration), severe blow from solid metal toy around 1994 and a rumour of being dropped and hitting my head as a baby. The only one of these I have had medical treatment for was the one in '94. I have never been knocked out or concussed as far as I am aware. To challenge these things I could tell myself none of them have had an effect due to what I have achieved but as I mentioned earlier, there's that doubt (OCD) that I could have done better. The fear I have is affecting my enjoyment of life as I recently went camping/surfing which I very much enjoy but took several powerful hits by waves and hit my head of tent poles which was all I could think about and over-thinking gives me a headache, although this could just be from what actually happened. I am keen to try other sports and go to nightclubs occasionally but am worried about head injuries and the effects of loud music. I am going to see a locum GP in due course but am worried they may just dismiss me as time wasting. Not sure if anyone else has this problem/can offer advice/chat (about head injuries would be really helpful but also about hoarding). Thanks.

For me it's continuous handwashing. I can't even use a towel to dry them on, I'm worried that towels hold germs on them. I'm worried about letting things go too - I've had to let go of some things of mine but I still feel sick when I think about it. But on a daily basis, it's the handwashing that really gets me.

Thanks, that's very kind of you. I have been having to wipe over things in case it is a serious illness or something, but I'm trying to convince myself that germs couldn't survive for long outside a body. Half of me thinks he might have got something because he never washes his hands :huh:

Thanks for that, it must be such a relief not to have the constant handwashing anymore, it really is wearing. I know what you mean about the thoughts to protect people too. I have them a lot, I can dismiss them sometimes, but today my brother was taken away ill in an ambulance and my OCD just loved that, I really had to do the protection thoughts then.

Thanks everyone for your replies, I have had quite a lot of therapy in the past to be honest, I just can't seem to get a grip on things. It was reassuring to read the posts though, so thanks.

I'm really struggling with things again. It's so hard living in a house where no-one else gives a thought about germs. It's really making me feel sick and down; no wonder I can't seem to get into the Christmas spirit.... It's like clean one thing, then something else happens, clean another thing, worry about this, worry about that. I can't even manage my own things, I do worry a lot about germs, but I can't be bothered to do things. Even as I write this, I know I really need to do a load of washing, it just takes so long to do and I hate it. I can't really be bothered to shower often either, for the same reason. I really really need to get a grip on things, but can't seem to. I've just got all these things I need to do in order to get a grip, but doing them seems impossible. I just don't understand how other people do things like disconnect the Internet, handle the wire which has been on the floor and then carry on with whatever, without washing hands. Isn't it obvious even without OCD that there's going to be germs on the floor? Also, I wondered whether it's ok to use some Carex which has been stored in cold temperatures (in a garage), because I started to think that because it has been stored in the cold for a while, that might have lessened it's anti-bacterial properties? Also I have another Carex with the lid removed, (lying on it's side because it's almost empty) and I keep thinking germs can crawl into it, so not sure whether that is ok to use either (although in actual fact I have been using it already).

I can't look at the number 13 and just leave it. I have to look at another number, every time I look at a clock though, it always seems to be 13 minutes past the hour. Another classic is where I look at the clock and it says 8:41 (numbers add up to 13), have to wait until it changes, then I have to look at it a certain amount of times, and make sure I look at an 'ok' number the same number of times. Don't like a certain 3 digit number either - can't even write it down on here! I have to try to think of God as well when I look at good number, and try to think of heaven. I usually think of the opposites of those two though, so have to re-do things while consciously forcing myself to think the good thoughts - it's a real effort.

Hey smile, Well I really would like to play football, it looks like so much fun. I'm not really sure where or how I would go about finding out how to get started. I really would like to give it a go though, but I feel a bit bad because it feels like I'm just copying you. Anyway, how have you been lately? Have you been to any more appointments/meetings etc. I'm still struggling a lot with eating/sleeping routine. Hope things are going ok for you xx

I'm not having therapy at the moment, although I have done in the past. I feel that overall I have made some good progress with contamination OCD - I used to have to shower for ages every night before going to bed, be forever washing hands and wiping over things. If anything now, things seem to have gone too far the other way - I hate showering nowadays and only bother once every couple of days. Also cutting down on handwashing (still quite a lot though) and wiping things over etc. I would really like to do something like play football, I think that sort of thing's a brilliant idea. I just know I would feel scared about it though, even just thinking about it now I would be too nervous really. It's a great idea though, and maybe I will feel ready to do something like that one day - hopefully not too far off. I don't live in London myself, but I think it would be fun to travel there. I know what you're saying about getting knocked straight back down - that's happened to me a lot too, that's what makes it so hard to feel postive about things, if you've had negative experiences like that, etc. I was so pleased with my eating yesterday, only had a bowl of cereal all day. I was out for a while, got back in the evening and felt so good about it. When I got home though, I felt starving, and overate again. I didn't even bother getting changed I was so hungry, just ate standing up. I had a chicken burger too - I felt so bad about that, because usally I would never eat it. I didn't enjoy eating it at all - I was just so hungry. I have a fear of eating meat usually, now I just feel so bad with myself. I've done stuff like that before in the heat of the moment with eating, always end up regretting it. Just wish I would learn from it. I feel like this about my problems too. I think what a therapist said to me once was something about you can't change who you are, but they can help you to cope better and see things differently, in a different light. What I'm trying to say is that if you go there expecting things to go away and change completely, you may end up being disappointed, whereas it would probably be a better idea to go there with an open mind and a postive attitude (very hard to do, I know). That's just what I feel anyway, sounds like I'm putting a downer on things now. Hope you're getting on ok with things xx

Thanks for the replies and suggestions. I do go out most days actually, but only by myself, on my bike, take dog for a walk etc. Just out of boredom really, and to get some time away from my mum at home. The problem is, it just takes me so long to get ready to go out, I'm just exhausted before I even set foot outside. I can't stay in though, as it causes tension with my mum / dad. I'm more of a person that watches other people really; I'm too afraid to be part of the action because I feel awkward when people are watching me (or I think they are watching me.) I can manage going to the gym, but I have a problem with using the showers there, so that kind of takes the edge off it. My muscles end up aching too, and everyone always says that's because you need to do it more often, but how are you supposed to do it more often until you're muscles have recovered. It's a real effort getting down there, so when I do go, I tend to stay for a long time. I mostly enjoy being there though.

Hello, Thank you for your reply. I think you're right - I do need to push myself - I'm just useless at initiating any kind of social activity. I'm more of a person that just goes along with what someone else wants to do. There are some people at the gym I go to that are probably of a similar age - it's just taking that first step I suppose. I'm just praying for someone else to make the first move! If I try to start a conversation, knowing my luck it will either a) come out as a slurred, incoherent speech possibly with the words in a mixed up order or b) be too quiet and they won't hear me say anything!! I've even seen a few people about recently who I used to go to school with - I do plan to say things - but when it comes to the crunch I just get too nervous and bottle it. I think it would probably be a bit false to say anything anyway - I hate it when people pretend to be all buddy buddy with people they once went to school with but couldn't really stand. It's just at the weekends it seems like people are really rubbing it in, out with all their friends etc (I know they're not really rubbing it in - it just seems like that.) I just get so angry with myself for being such a recluse!! x

Well, it's Friday again and I'm just feeling so annoyed with myself and my life. I seem to get this feeling almost every weekend, I just see everyone else in the world going out and socialising, moving on with their lives with things to do etc. Meanwhile, I'm stuck at home, hating life, no friends, no job, no sign of things ever changing. It seems like it's been like this for ages now. I even had more of a social life when I was 10/11 years old. Now I've got older, my social life has got less and less. I'm so sick of seeing everyone else my age going out, having fun. I just want to be part of it, but I don't know how to change. I just don't seem to have any social skills, or any life skills at all. I was thinking earlier - how does everyone else just seem to 'know' what to do in life? I mean, other people just seem to be able to get on and do things. I'm just so out of touch with everything. I'm literally driving myself insane with social isolation. I suppose most people meet other people at work, but as I don't work there's not much chance of that happening. I've tried looking for work really, but no-one seems to want to employ me, and I don't blame them either!! I'm pretty useless, I don't really see myself being able to do a job, and of course people need to socialise with eachother in a job, and I'm just not capable of doing this. I think I might as well give up looking for work. I just want this all to end - I want my life to improve, I know I have to put in the effort, blah blah blah, but what if people aren't capable of changing? Is it just the way I am? Surely if I was capable of changing things then I would have done it by now. Sorry for all this rant, I'm just so :censored:ed off with everything in my life. Things have just been like this for ages, and I really can't cope if they don't change soon.

Hi, That sounds a lot like me. I never even knew this could be OCD, but reading your post it makes sense. I've got the 'classic' stereotypical OCD about contamination, but since reading up on things, I've learnt how it can also take on other forms.... I'm so glad you mentioned that, because I would never have the courage to say that (even to post it on a forum). It's such a relief to know I'm not the only person who does this. Take care x