Labbetuss

I guess I feel I needed to. It was very cleansing in a way. And to be honest, I don't I would've been able to get any help if I didn't.

I guess I should clarify that I have been to therapy for several obsessions, I just never dared to mention the sexual ones etc. I just thinking leavin out that part has sabotaged my treatment to some degree. I recently started talking about it in therapy , both to my former therapist and to psychologists and psychiatrist trying to get me help and now I might actually get it, but it just pains to know all the parts that need to be involved and hear about it now that it's done. I also feel like I shouldn't because I view this as a health issue just like any other and I shouldn't feel more ashamed than other people in need of help, but I just do. but thanks for the link anyway.

I've always been reluctant to share my worst sexual obessions with professionals and I think it's sabotaged me in getting help somehow. The idea of getting referals and my obsessions being sent around to strangers makes me extremely uneasy, but would it be possible to even get help without that happening? I think I feel sooo much shame related to my obsessions and responses to them that I still think getting help for it in any way will be possible. Has anyone else had the same issue?

I can relate to this. I know we shouldn't really think in themes, but I've just never encountered anyone with this theme before. I've seen so many doubt their relationship, some their orientation or idenity, but I've felt like I was the only person who doubted everything. I felt like it went full circle at some point though and I just became numb to it in a way.

My question was mostly related to POCD. Like I understand that anyone could be like "Maybe I could [insert horrible thought]" and though that thought would be horrible they'd push it away, but thoughts about children I don't understand how anyone could really brush off or just go back to life after that. I think I made the mistake when I was told I had OCD the first time to feel relief that it wasn't really me and I was not my thoughts, but I also saw what I had as a disorder and not something normal everyone went through. And I guess I feel a bit worried that people who never had OCD also have these thoughts and they aren't affected by them or have their lives ruined by it. On the other hand, I've had several themes from harm to existential to Real event to meta (I guess) and all of them felt very severe and those thoughts took up most of my life, whereas the POCD thoughts don't. It's just that thinking them once ruins any chance at living and the groinal responses are pretty unbearable too even if they aren't constant. So in severity the other themes have always been more troubling, but the occasional groinal reponses and thoughts in the POCD theme feel a lot worse when they actually are there. So I'm wondering what it'd be like if I didn't have the other themes and only had the POCD ones if I would qualify for the disorder of if I'd just be a person without OCD with their life basically ruined. And that might be the case at some point because I feel like I'm slowly learning to cope with the other themes at the moment, but the POCD theme just seems hard to cope with. I also find it very hard to even talk about in therapy.

Thanks. That makes sense.

As in people without OCD don't get groinal responses/POCD intrusive thoughts?

I guess I struggle a bit to find the difference between having OCD (pure O in particular) and not having OCD. I'm not sure if this is reassurance seeking, but I struggle to find where the lines goes. A huge trigger for me is when people say "everyone has intrusive thoughts" and that way I struggle to see the difference between people who have OCD and those who don't. Especially when it comes to POCD and groinal responses. Does everyone get those kind of intrusive thoughts and does everyone get groinal responses?

Thanks for your reply! Was there anyone saying it wouldn't. I have no idea where this idea comes from, but it seems to be quite popular around here. Unless I've misunderstood and my OCD symptoms are really just ASD.

My diagnosis is having OCD and being on the autism spectrum co-morbidly. I'm sure if I really believe that it's the case and I just get more confused, but I'm fine with it though if that's the case. One thing I've heard though is that ERP doesn't work if you have Asperger's on the side. Has anyone heard anything about this and is there a reason?

This didn't really work out well. I pretty much knew it wouldn't. It seems my therapist thinks I have Asperger's, and I'm not really sure if he means I have it co-morbid with OCD or if he thinks all my symptoms are Asperberger's. Then I guess I need to know the difference and it's gonna be hard to accept that a diagnosis I had for so long was the wrong one. I guess what I feel like is that I have some sort of amnesia (not actual amnesia), but I get the feeling that if I don't have OCD all my memories are wrong and it wasn't actually me having them or something like that. When I read about Asperger's I don't actually recognise that in me though.

I hope I'm not posting too much in this thread. I had some sort of a breakthrough yesterday, but it might be the opposite. I've been thinking of trying to get my files or epicrisis from my first therapist who diagnosed me with ocd and get my current therapist to look at them. I just hope he won't be mad at me for bringing it up again. I often feel like I'm beating a dead horse. The last few years I feel like I've tricked my mind into not doing things I want to do, and I want to find a way to trick it back, but I feel like that might be dangerous in some way. I feel like if my therapist sees from my past that I did have ocd I will either still have it or be "cured" (if that's even possible). Maybe I can trick myself into thinking I'm doing better and continue doing what I used to do before 2018. Maybe if I'll trick myself that them saying I didn't have ocd actually helped me in some way I can get better. Writing this I realize it sounds a bit too far, but yesterday I felt like it was idea and I got some hope that my life could come back. And i felt good for a while.

I feel like it has. I think for years I treated it like it's OCD and tried to live with the uncertainty of it, but that also means not getting treatment for it. I guess that makes me feel hopeless. I'm, when unemployed, realize that it's these thoughts and wanting to be sure I've had/have OCD that is causing me distress for the most part. It also ruins my ability to concentrate and stay calm. One thing that I think is important is: My intrusive thoughts started at 15 or 16 and from that on my compulsions and rituals would take up most of my time and I would give up making new friends and I would basically give up any kind of normal life. Ever starting a family or having any type of career felt out of the question for me. It would take a while until I went to see someone for this. I was diagnosed with OCD at 23 and something crazy and almost overwhelming happened to me. Knowing I had a disorder (and that I was not my thoughts) made me feel like there was hope and that I could get better. I suddenly started getting hopes for the future and started thinking of having jobs and what not. It was like I had lost seven years of my life and I was now ready to start my life again. I had ten free therapy sessions and after that I didn't try to get into ERP or something like that (which I probably should've). I decided to stop doing my compulsions and rituals on my own. I think I was quite focused on getting better and getting my life back on track. So when I at 25 started relapsing and getting stuck on new themes I didn't really know what to do, because I felt like I was doing so well, but I always had the hopes that I things could get better and I had to continue with my education and fight my OCD at the same time. My intrusive thoughts at the time were very different, they were more existential and less harm or magical and I felt like they almost made sense since I had lost so many years of my life it was hard to know I even was anymore. My dreams when I was first diagnosed had been so euphoric and I was worrying I was going down the wrong path just because of dreams I had when I had lots of hope and didn't actually evaluate my choices. Maybe that was one of the reasons I felt like giving up everything in my life and just focus on my OCD treatment. I guess I'm at an age where most people my age start to form families and get secure jobs and I feel like there's still such a gap in my life that I can't deal with those things, so there aren't many things to focus on to get my mind off the OCD diagnosis thing. I guess I'm just rambling now. I always felt though that my recovery and making plans for my life were intertwined, so it feels like I can't have one without the other. thanks for the your suggestions. I've always wanted to try yoga, but I never really looked into it.

It feels though like the past means more than the present at the moment. That if I could get it verified 100 % that I did have OCD, or alternatively what else that made life what it was I'd be able to move on in some way, but the latter would still be awful to me as most of my life would still feel like a waste of time. I just wonder what would happen if I got that confirmation, would I be able to move on? If I did in fact get it confirmed that I did have OCD, would I stop thinking about that and move on to another theme? Would I just doubt that it was true?

I guess there was some mind of misunderstanding. I was sent a letter that I was going to start treatment, but it didn't say anything how the treatment would be like. I guess I was rather naive to not think there would be some sort of evaluation. I thought I had already started the treatment when I was there. And I met three people and felt very intimidated and didn't really say anything regarding my symptoms and then two of them went out of the room and I could finally talk to the third person. And then the two came back and had concluded I didn't have OCD. They also said they only focused on OCD so I they couldn't give me an alternative diagnosis.