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About gingerbreadgirl

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  1. Determined to turn things around.

    1. Show previous comments  1 more
    2. gingerbreadgirl


      Thanks Ashley :) Think I am all talked out though! Need to just roll my sleeves up and get on with it. Ah you will have gone right past my old flat! and not far from where I work.  Were you coming back from/going to something fun? :)

    3. Ashley


      Work, quick trip for a hours training from Derby to Newcastle, and have to do it all again Monday for a few days. 

      Actually, I have just pencilled something into the diary for October that should be fun night and is not too far from you, once I am allowed to tell people I will let you know.

      But if you're all talked out that's fine, if in the week you need to talk or over weekend, you know where I am. x

    4. gingerbreadgirl


      you don't half work hard Ashley! :( how are your migraines doing since you got back from hols? 

  2. How can i go on living a lie

    I agree, I have also compulsively confessed in the past and regret it, the repercussions can be big and they can affect both of you. Don't let OCD push you around. The urge will fade but ONLY if you let it.
  3. What I mean is that the more you look for certainty that you are definitely not gay, the more uncertain you will become. It's like if I have OCD around checking. I check the front door is locked, I leave the house, and halfway down the street I think "oh no, what if the door is unlocked?" If I go back and check (look for certainty) chances are as I go down the road I will still be unsure, or I will be unsure the next day, and will have to check twice instead of once, and this will snowball until I am very unsure indeed. If, however, I sit with my uncertainty and carry on down the street - even though there is a small chance the door could be unlocked - my anxiety will eventually die down and I will no longer worry. The same thing applies with your worry, and any other kind of OCD. By trying to pin this down, by trying to find irrefutable proof that you are straight, you are creating more and more uncertainty, you are keeping this issue uppermost in your mind. You have to allow that little bit of uncertainty and just let the gnawing anxiety continue, until eventually, you won't be so worried anymore.
  4. Struggling so so much

    Take that panic and let it motivate you to get rid of this anxiety once and for all, to be free of it, once and for all. To really REALLY put the work in and let go of your need for certainty, let go of the need to know for sure. I promise you there is a route out of this but you have to really commit to it. You can't swim across the ocean with one hand still on the shore.
  5. This bothers you so much because it is attacking your identity. No matter how many times you go over it in your mind, look for certainty, try to arrive at an answer - the more uncertain and anxiety-provoking it feels. The sad fact is you will not get any closer to an answer if you keep going over and over it. That's not how OCD works You can't get certainty on this, you can't get definitive proof that this is an OCD problem rather than a sexuality problem - as with any other type of OCD, you have to gradually get comfortable accepting some uncertainty around this. OCD loves questions which can't be answered with total certainty, and this is one of those. You just have to take a leap of faith, choose to live the life that you want to live and stop questioning it so much. Only then will you get the clarity you want. x
  6. The purpose of the OCD-UK forums

    I think it is a very fine line to tread and I think the approach needed can vary for lots of reasons... for example how new the person is to OCD, how much reassurance/guidance they have already received, whether they have responded in the past to a more "tough love" approach, or whether they have responded better to a gentler approach... etc. I think as with real social dynamics it is a matter of making a judgment and sometimes that judgment can be wrong. I think, however, intent is important here - the intent should always be to help. Personally I generally respond better to a "tough love" approach than I do to a softly-softly approach - generally speaking - and this then sometimes colours how I speak to others, which may not always be right. I always try to be helpful though rather than harsh for the sake of it, and I am sure most others on this forum do the same, I don't think anyone intends to be cruel, ever. But although it can be instinctive to offer reassurance to someone in distress, it isn't always the most helpful option and can actually be more unkind than kind in the long run. That said, there is never an excuse to belittle or make fun of someone, ever.
  7. Struggling so so much

    You aren't the broken record, OCD is the broken record. You however are not challenging OCD in any meaningful way and therefore are still stuck. Sorry to be really blunt but that's how it is x
  8. Struggling so so much

    exactly what...? This is the same as it is for every single person on this forum.
  9. I think that's a good idea to get out and about and get your mind onto something else x
  10. I think actions can be evil. But I think people are way too complicated and their actions are driven by so many factors, many of which are beyond their control, to be labelled in such a strong way. That is just my view though.
  11. I wouldn't call anyone evil.
  12. I don't think psychopaths and narcissists are evil, they can't help being who they are. I think they are people whose brains are wired in a certain way, or whose prior experiences have influenced their adult behaviour. They behave in a way that makes sense according to them - their experiences and neural pathways and many other influences that make everyone way more complicated than just being "good" or "bad". I think you are adopting a black-and-white approach to this subject, and I think ruminating on it is doing you absolutely no favours.
  13. Struggling so so much

    At some point you're just going to have to decide to treat this as OCD even with all these doubts and fears - the fact that we may only think it's OCD because you're posting on an OCD forum, the fact that you felt anxious immediately after rather than years later, the fact that the consequences would be so severe if true... all these things, all these doubts and uncertainties, at some point you will have to take the reckless and careless and downright irresponsible decision to just think, "heck, I'll treat this as OCD anyway, I will go out on a limb and take this horrible risk even though I could be ignoring something real and terrifying." And at some point down the line, after you've made this horrible and scary decision and TRULY stuck with it, no matter what your brain throws at you, then I reckon at some point, you will think "wow that was so silly, I can't believe I was so worried about that". And you will no longer care about it. It seems impossible to believe right now, which is why you have to put the cart before the horse. Or maybe I'm wrong. Maybe you won't feel better, because it's a real fear. Maybe I am seeing it as OCD because it's an OCD forum. That's something you're going to have to find out. Because the alternative is a miserable wasted life spent in fear over this, and you'll get to your deathbed and lie there and think "I wish I hadn't spent all those years on this." I know this sounds incredibly harsh but you really really really need to just make the decision to change, to really change. Despite you saying you have put the work in, I think if you're really honest you have done so while also holding out for certainty, that this is definitely OCD, and nobody can give you that. It is terrifying, yes, but you have to let go of needing to know for sure.
  14. Reaching out

    Hi Skullpops, sorry to hear you were feeling low yesterday - hope you feel a little better today.