CAH_05

Hi everyone. Hope everyone is doing ok. I haven’t been on this forum for about 3 years or so (my last relapse) although I have at time suffered some mild ocd the past 3 years have treated me well. now I find myself in the midst of a relapse. I am about 5 weeks in, although it actually started to creep in gradually afew months ago. This time of year is always a trigger for me as it was this time of year when I’ve had my most severe ocd flares in the past. anyway without going into what’s happening right now I am wondering if anyone has had any experience with therapy through Nocd? I have never worked with someone who specialises in OCD or who has really delved into ERP with me and I’m feeling frustrated. They are ALOT of money per session £58 for the first few sessions then goes up to £130 after that. I am at a point where I am willing to pay as long as I get the right treatment with a specialist in treating OCD. but typical of this disorder I am doubting it will work, what if it’s the wrong therapist? What if I can’t relate to her because she is American? What if it doesn’t help? Then what?

Thank you both for your replies. i can see the pattern here. I have been triggered and have started looking for similarities and the rumination is in full force. It can just feel so real sometimes. also my anxiety is mild/moderate at the moment and that is causing backdoor spikes. Like I’ve de sensitised myself to the idea of suicide and therefore I am going to start thinking it’s ok. any advise for this?

Hi everyone, although I have been doing slightly better the last month or 2 I am still not we’re I want to be. hearing the news of Caroline Flack over the weekend made me incredibly sad. It’s truely an awful thing that has happened to this poor woman over the past few months and my heart breaks for her and her family. i knew my ocd would be triggered as soon as I heard it as suicide is my theme. I have tried to not engage but today I feel myself slipping. I keep looking for differences and similarities between myself and her. I can’t stop thinking about her and it’s just everywhere at the minute, the news, social media, tv, people talking about it. So I have tried to treat it as an exposure but I am starting to struggle. any advise on what to do at this moment? I feel really down and anxious

Thanks I’m going to give this a good go today.

Ok so I’ve had enough of feeling like this (even that spikes me) so I have suicidal theme OCD and I hate it. It tortures me. anyway the past few days I have felt so low and depressed with constant thoughts and anxiety. The only time I’m not consumed in this fear is when I am asleep. I have tried to cut down on compulsions but this doesn’t seem enough so I’ve decided today to start doing my own exposures. so today I have wrote on a flash card ‘I can’t handle these feelings of anxiety and depression and this will lead me to want to commit suicide’ and I plan on reading and re writing it all through the day. does this sound like I am going along the right tracks with exposure? My anxiety is so high right now and I know I am slightly obsessing about doing therapy correctly

It started off as the thoughts of impulsively jumping of buildings and such. That was about 10 years ago and I also had harm thoughts towards others. this has progressed now into a huge fear of depression and being suicidal. It’s no longer the random thoughts and images it’s constantly trying to figure out if I am suicidal and if I am going to hang myself by choice. It’s tormenting and torturous. I am obsessing now about doing therapy correctly and about how many times I have relapsed and will I just continue to keep getting stuck, all related to my fear of being suicidal.

Thank you for your encouragement. I am struggling to master up the courage to do exposures. It feels too dangerous. I know it’s not and I know that’s what I need to do to get on the right track towards recovery again. My thoughts urges and feelings go insane when I stop compulsions. I am doing a big exposure tonight and staying at home alone and I am trying to stay off line and off of google. So far I have had small success but I’m gna take another hour off now and do a little bit of housework.

I also feel quite depressed at the moment and it’s one of my biggest fears. my compulsions have come back tenfold the last few days. i was doing a lot better last 2 weeks and this week have gone back to square 1.

That’s helpful thank you. I am just terrified it’s going g to change something in my brain and make me worse. i am also thinking what if my therapist is thinking there’s no hope for me through CBT as I have had it before. Relapsed Quite severely 3 times since last CBT 6 years ago.

Thank you for your reply. I have done this and there doesn’t seem to be many that have had this treatment or who have wrote about whether it works for OCD

Has anyone had this treatment for OCD? ive has the same theme now for 8 years or so and just keep relapsing so my CBT therapist has suggested EMDR. just want to add that she is a very good therapist and knows a lot about intrusive thoughts and OCD and never gives me any reassurance. She doesn’t comment on the theme of the OCD at all (suicide) just treats it like any other theme of intrusive thoughts. She has worked in the mental health field for a long time and seems very experienced.

Thank you for your replies i have calmed down a lot compared to this afternoon but still feel abit shaken. ive has the same theme for about 8 years with a huge relapse about every 2 years. I just hate it so much, why do I keep relapsing? I really want to move past this theme.

And I always thought the love for my little boy would protect me so this has shook me to the core

This girl was making plans to go on holiday and see friends and then just decided to kill herself coz she was so sad. What makes me different from her! I have called my mum in tears and am on my way home from work.

I have been massively spiked again today. I feel psychically I’ll! was just scrolling through Facebook and cane across a news article about a woman the same age as me committing suicide. She had small children and said in her note that she’s sorry but mummy’s head got too sick. And these words are stuck in my head. and I have a little boy and I am terrified that I am going to do this to him. I have always reassured myself because I love him so much that I would never do it but now this has me questioning it. i am crying in work. I just feel this story is too similar to me and I can’t handle it