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  1. How chronic is this?

    That's good advice, thank you. If I can effectively deal with this, then my life will be amazing.
  2. How chronic is this?

    Thanks for replying. I just feel worried that I'll never get better than I currently am. I honestly feel my life would be perfect if not for this. It's like a heavy weight I'll need to carry for the rest of my life.
  3. Going through a mixed few weeks. My anxiety is in check but I have an overriding feeling of depression. On the outside I am fine, people say they're envious of me for things that I can do and things I've achieved. But inside I feel the ever constant presence of dark thoughts. It makes me think that I'll never truly be happy. Is this truly what the rest of my life will be like? Being alive bit not really living? I feel numb and that I'm just going through the motions.
  4. Guilt

    It's hard but I'll try. A therapist said that I just shouldn't give the feeling the time of day and eventually it'll subside. It makes my stomach sink just thinking about it.
  5. Guilt

    Thank you for your advice. I've always tried to live a good person and there's only about one event that really tears me up. It was five years ago and I've tried so hard to live a good life since then, and I have. The guilt fuels my depression and anxiety. I've thought about it almost every day since last November and I worry how others would judge me if they knew. My family, close friends and doctors know about it. They say I'm too hard on myself and that no one remembers or thinks about it except me. But I can't let it go. I hate myself.
  6. Guilt

    Just wanted to write a little update saying that I had a good week. I kept busy with work and friends, lots of exposure, controlled rumination well, mainly from just staying busy and trying not to get too worked up about the thoughts. Mindfulness meditation helped a lot with this. One thing that really bothers me though is guilt from my past. I feel like a terrible person. It creates huge anxiety and makes me depressed. How can I deal with it?
  7. Welcoming my thoughts

    Any ideas folks? Trying to get a game plan going for this working week.
  8. Today was quite a busy day out and about in the city. I had lots of intrusive thoughts on a variety of topics and I simply tried to observe them as thoughts. I didn't react to them, tried not to judge them. They didn't create much anxiety. I also tried to stop ruminating about past thoughts/events by diverting my attention onto other things. One thing that I tried doing was welcoming the thoughts to come at me full force, agreeing with them and exploring them. For example... *TRIGGER WARNING* I see someone on a train platform. A thought can come "I could push them on front of the train". Then I say to myself "Yeah and I'm gonna laugh my head off like a maniac and film the whole thing on my phone". Is this a bad approach to take? I'm just trying to take some power away from the thoughts so that I can get on with my life.
  9. Embarrassed

    Hi Lily! Have you tried mindfulness meditation? There's some good apps out there to get you started. It's good for helping you realise that thoughts aren't the problem, your reaction to them is.
  10. Ohhh I have lots of plans. I don't think I'm going to be suffering from this forever. I'm going to go back to uni, find a nice paying job, get married, have kids, live in a nice apartment, continue doing sports and learning languages, watch football with my friends on Saturdays. Those are all my plans for now!
  11. Determined to improve

    Definitely. I recovered before. For the best part of two years I was loving life. It's hard, but doable.
  12. Determined to improve

    Just gotta push through and disregard the thoughts.
  13. Determined to improve

    Annnnnddddd just as I write that, I'm feeling bad and anxious again. This is gonna be tough.
  14. Ten days ago ago I hit a low that I hadn't been at in a long time. Since that time I went back to home country for work related issues and I'm staying with my parents for a few days. I met up with my old cbt therapist today and I left feeling quite positive. He said we all have intrusive thoughts and he even shared with me some of his. He said being socially isolated in a foreign country isn't doing me any favours so I'm considering moving home for good to be close to my family. Though I haven't decided for sure yet, I like the city I live in. I'm practicing mindfulness and trying to do exercise more regularly. With regards rumination I was told that I should keep busy as possible with real life. Even a 20 minute period where I sit and stare at the wall can be detrimental. Idle time is dangerous time. I need to recognize when it's happening and focus on something else. The same thing applies for feeling bad about mistakes that I made long ago. I just have to not give it the time or space in my mind. Though I'm worried that this could be thought suppression, a big no-no. Rumination is definitely my biggest problem. I ruminate into depression. I've changed my medication a bit and I hope that this will help. I'm also gonna try to read less on ocd. I can spend ages a day googling for some secret answer, or I can Google my way into compulsions. On paper it all looks fairly straightforward. If anyone has any tips, warnings, support, please write