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Running Lover

Bulletin Board User
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  1. No I don't want kids because of how ill it makes me feel and it would only be worse. My partner thinks he wants kids so it seems there's no option. I'm devastated he's the love of my life. Not sure how I can live without him.
  2. No because I have OCD. I've been really dreadful for about 3 years and the stress of children would make me much worse.
  3. Been torn apart at the moment. My partner and I have been discussing if we want kids or not. I don't because of my OCD if it wasn't for that I would certainly consider but it makes me so ill I can't even contemplate it. He thinks he wants children which is making me feel ill as I can't imagine life without him but at the same time I can't have kids. I feel so ill I've been thinking about cutting myself I'm in a terrible state I can't think straight. Please help.
  4. I'm having a horrible time from nowhere yet again! I love my partner with all of my heart and we are so happy. I've always had a fear of cheating but over the past few days I've started to realise if somebody came along who was very good looking and I get on perfectly with them then I believe even though I love him I would leave him. It's tearing me apart.
  5. Having a tough time. I love my partner deeply. I've started having thoughts about the past and if I've only stayed with him because of the OCD. For example say if I have been attracted to someone I haven't cheated because I'm madly in love but because my OCD has stopped me which feels wrong. The reason you shouldn't cheat on someone should be because you love them not because OCD is keeping you in check.
  6. Was doing well..... Bumped in to ex.

    I'm currently Sunning myself in the med whilst reading some of my old posts and I can't help but laugh at how ridiculous some of them are. I have worried about the most stupid things which have made my life a misery and looking through non OCD goggles I can see clearly. I'm writing this because I hope it will help fellow users through current situation For example this one scared me because it picked something so precious to me and tried to destroy it and worked on fear not fact to do so it's laughable. my OCD took control of me and made me think crazy things with no substance what so ever. If only I had seen at the time it was OCD playing nasty horrible tricks on me. The worse the Anxiety got the more I couldn't work out reality and who I was. This is just one example of how it distorts reality by playing on irrational fear. It's easy to see from a distance. It takes the enjoyment from your life and makes you feel worthless.
  7. Taking risk v actual real life risk.

    I've worked hard today. It feels so awful can't remember what I've cleaned, touched etc but I'm that desperate I'm taking the chance because I truly am at the end of what I can take so I have to do something
  8. Taking risk v actual real life risk.

    I've got a bit stuck again somehow and I can't remember what I'm doing and with certain things I'm not sure if I'm taking risk to help my recovery or if my concerns are genuine if that makes sense
  9. I'm getting pretty desperate here. I'm starting to feel my life isn't worth living I've had enough and can't take much more. Take today I woke up worrying about something I can't remember if I said in the past. Then started worrying I'd got water in electrics when having shower. Then on drive to work I was worried about running a cat over. Then at work became obsessed over my new thing which is getting water in electrical sockets or extensions moving on to this afternoon 2 guilts from the past then back to electrical equipment at home running around manically trying to remember what I've touched decided to go for a walk men from water board were in street digging up something brown and slushy I had to walk through my shoes are now in the bin I feel the house is contaminated I'm loosing the plot I can't take this any longer. It just flicks from one to another constant I'm so fed up I don't want this anymore but I've tried and I don't know how to stop
  10. I am thinking of booing in with my doctor and asking to see all the things they have on me.
  11. The things that I have an my medical records are so disturbing I haven't shared with anyone other than my partner and medical professionals. Nobody else would understand there is some real crazy stuff in there
  12. After such a tough week, I have really took this vile illness head on and it's been difficult really difficult but I'm here somehow. Was feeling quite pleased with myself when I got hit with some news I could have done without. One if my best friends will be working as a nurse at my doctors. I know there is guidelines as to what any employee can look at but as I am now a patient essentially she can see anything. I have thyroid issues so get bloods taken regularly. I've always been very very open with gp despite different awkward themes peodopile, harm, blood tests for aids, you name it I've talked about it. I've always kept very quiet about my OCD other than to family so my friends no nothing so far. I'm so upset.
  13. Hi that's great advice and I have really tried very hard at work today and got through the day which is great. However..... I still have a burning desire to try and sort out if I have an attraction to someone and if so would I cheat. Now I get the part that some of it is OCD however I feel if I don't think about it and shrug it off I might do something terrible
  14. Yes. I mean a day when the after effects of the weed are gone and I can think straight.
  15. I know what you mean. I'm not going to hang myself for trying weed I'm a middle aged woman and was feeing pretty desperate for relief. Never mind a mistake made. I am wondering if I should allow myself a day next week to think about it because I have been thinking a lot about it lately anyway. I seem to struggle with friendships with the opposite sex which is crazy because I kind of like male company. I'm particularly friendly with one of the men I work with because we got on so well have same sense of humour, music etc but it freaks me out quite a lot to be honest. A few months back I was having a meeting which was very informal at a restaurant and I knew he was going out and I couldn't relax thinking I might see him. This scares me because I absolutely don't want to have feelings for him I love my partner but I can't understand why I get so freaked out around men.