Ironborn

Bulletin Board User
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About Ironborn

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  • Gender
    Male
  • Location
    Netherlands

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  • OCD Status
    Sufferer

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  1. Hello, A lot of times when someone asks me something and I feel like I don’t want to disappoint them with my answer, and or I am afraid for their reaction I tend to say what people want to hear. I have got a past of being not honest a lot, I have lied a lot from when I was a kid up to like 4 – 5 years ago. Whenever I now catch myself being not completely honest I get really anxious about it and I start feeling really guilty. A good example happened just about an hour ago, at work I was at a meeting, and I sat there because my chef was not present at the moment so I sat at the meeting on his behalf. suddenly someone asked me a question which I felt like I should have known the answer for, but I did not knew the answer, I instantly felt bad and got afraid what they might think of me and maybe my chef so I sort of lied about it and said it was ok. After the meeting I started feeling really guilty and bad because I figured I did not knew the whole answer, and I may have been wrong, but I just answered what they wanted to hear out of fear. Now I feel like such a bad person, I just want to call them up and apologize about it and tell them I lied, to see their reaction if they might forgive me. I have these obsessions about being honest and true every day in and out, and it really is having its toll on me, most of all I get really mad at myself, I just keep beating myself up for this.
  2. Hello all. I have a strong desire to confess about almost everything, especially things that involve family and friends. Always when i think i might have said or thought about something that is like negative about them in any way, i feel ive made a mistake and i start feeling really guilty, and thus making me wanting there approval that its ok, and they wont be mad at me. What can i do about this? Especially right now my anxiety is going through the roof since im having a party at my place tonight and i already thought about a couple of things i want to confess to certain people.
  3. By now i think today i already asked about 5 to 10 diffrent people if the meat would still be ok to eat after having it put back in te freezer for being out of it for 25 minutes. I even called 2 butchers and asked them, they all said its ok. But i just dont seem to feel any better, i still seem to feel something is off. And if people would get sick its my fault, i even have thoughts of people dying due to eating the meat, why on earth is my mind doin this to me??? Before i was haunted by ocd i would not even have worried about this for longer then 5 seconds.
  4. I guess the best thing i could do is go through it. Use it as an exposure situation. Onthe other side my mind is going nuts, and i also have already searched the inet what would be good and healthy when meat is out of the freezer, and yes i know the endless searching on the inet are also compulsions, but somehow i cannot seem to get a definitive answer to this question. I feel as if i should take the meat to a lab and make them do an test to see if there may have multiplied any bacteria on the meat surface.
  5. Im rather confused right now, do you mean i should go with my ocd and throw all the meat away? How would that benefit me and my ocd? I know ive been asking about this for reassurance, while knowing that the best exposure would be to just throw the meat on the bbq tomorrow to see nothing bad comes from it. But your suggestion to throw it all away because that will solve the problem seems to go against what you would expect as advise here on the forum.
  6. Yesterday i went an bought quite alot of meat, when i arrived home i put all of it in the freezer. Somehow today the freezer got stuck with an excessive amount of ice so i took out the meat and cleared up the freezer this took about 25 mins. after that ive put back the meat into the freezer, but now im wondering is this maybe harmfull? I checked the meat before putting it back and it still was frozen, but had some dew on the package. This meat is meant for a bbq this friday, and im afraid people might be getting sick. Or am i overreacting right now and do 25 mins on the kitchen counter not matter so much? I feel like it might be better to throw away all the meat and buy new, even tough the meat still felt frozen when i put it back. somehow my mid keeps telling me people might get sick from it, and that it would be my fault. My wife is telling me i should not worry and that the meat is still good. Could throwing it away and buying new meat be a compulsion?
  7. Hello everyone. Last couple of weeks have been quite hard for me, my wife and me almost getting divorced, and we're still not sure if we should get divorced or not. But there is one thing thats really bothering me right now, last week i went and had a talk with my brother while i was still convinced me and my wife would get divorced, i told him i did not want to get the divorce but that i felt she wanted it, so i just agreed with her to get the divorce, without listening to what i actually wanted. At some point my brother became a bit angry towards her because i felt how much i was hurting. And suddenly he made a comment about her which was really inappropriate, something along the lines of (when i see her i will spit her in the face). He did not meant that litterly but more to express his thoughts. Once he said that i felt extremely guilty towards my wife, was i talking that bad about her? That my brother would say such a thing? I told him i did not like the way he talked, and be sort of excused himself for it, and said be sometimes says stuff without thinking about it. But ever since then i cannot stop feeling guilty towards my wife, why did i not get extremely angry towards my brother for saying that? Am i not a loyal person towards my wife? Today i sended him a text to tell him once more i really do not appreciate the way he talked about her because i love my wife very much, and that i felt he should think before saying such things in the future. I also told him i could not stay angry with him because he is my little brother. And once again he apologized and said he sid not meant to say it in such ways, but that he says alot of stuff without thinking about it. What to i do now? Should i tell my wife about this and hope she can n forgive me for not being at war with my little brother? For me not defending her enough? I feel like such a bad husband. Should i have stopped talking with my brother and disconnect from him from now on? Would that show my loyalty towards my wife? On the other hand my little brother is my only real family left that lives near me. I dont want to be mad at him or disconnect wit him, i love him as i love my wife aswell, i am so confused right now and feel as if the only right thing i can do is confess all of this to my wife.
  8. Petal what you are doing right now, makes things alot worse. Your OCD is gaining momentum here, its your job to stop it right now. Trust me ive been there aswell, as i said before, if u dont watch out it will devour you.
  9. my advise with OCD is, if you are not 101% true something has happened, and that ocd might have made up whatever has happened, then dont confess. Trust me confessing something that is not true will ruin your relationship, and even more important it will empower your OCD
  10. yes i did confess, and my wife was hurt obvious. But due to the fact her seeing me going trough a total hell of guilt and regret made it clear to her that all i wanted was her, and that i realised she was my everything.
  11. keep in mind if you do confess while not knowing it for sure, its only going to make your OCD worse, and this will make it more likely that your going to confess about more stuff in the future that you are not sure about which will put alot of pressure on your relationship
  12. Why would you want to tell them you kissed another man? you're not even 100% sure yourself. It would only mean you are giving into your OCD
  13. Petal, i know where you are coming from this subject is one that causes a lot of distress to me aswell. If u keep going on with this thought its going to devour you, trust me it did to me aswell, everytime you feel your thoughts go that way just remind yourself that its your OCD trying to take control over you while keeping these false events as a way to beat yourself up. you need to stop this. Just to give you some light upon this subject, i for example know for a fact that a couple of years ago i kissed another woman, and i never had any doubts about it if it was ocd or not because deep down inside you know if something did really happen or if it did not, its just that OCD has its ways to bombard you with these accusations that make you think like; (if this thought keeps coming back that must mean it is true!). That is typical OCD its looking for a way in, dont let it in!
  14. Hello guys. like an hour ago i was surfing the web and encountered some street fight videos, alot of the time they interest me, i am huge martial arts fan and also have done quite some martials arts myself aswell, but somehow once in a while looking up on some street fight videos gets me thrilled and gets me to release some tension and anxiety i guess?? sometimes in these videos some darker 'skin' coloured guys kicking and punching and teaming up on another (white) guy and alot of the times that gets me upset, so today i searched for videos with the title 'white owns black in street fight' and watching such a video showed me that yes, also white people sometimes could win the fight and not only get beaten up. but after watching it i thought about it for a second. Why would i search for white owns black? am i a racist? i have friends from all kinds of culture's and never considered myself a racist, heck i even hate real racism. but now i feel as if i am what i hate.. I guess i just wanted to see if 'white' people could also win a fight vs other skin colored people, as i felt almost ashamed for my own skin color and needed some confirmation that white people like myself don't suck 100% and could handle themselves in such situations, which got me really excited to see actually they could! I know this all could come over not so much logical what im putting into words here, but i am just afraid to find out i am something that i actually don't want to be, how could i look some of my fiends in the eye if i am a racist? i am really anxious right now and i am having a hard time to calm down my thoughts. Once again sorry if the subject about fight videos may make you think i am some sort of a aggressive person, while i actually am the opposite of aggressive, but somehow fight videos make me feel a bit relaxed, sorry for that.
  15. it just seems so unloyal towards my wife, i feel as if i've done something very bad in the end im aiming to feel better myself of course. which would probably not even work. going to confess these kind of things could only make my wife become maybe more suspicious and thinking that i might be hiding something really bad. Im not sure what i could do different? i do have CBT which could help me with that maybe Well you are right with that, but its hard you know? For an example, today i told a co-worker of mine i have trouble with 'attractive' woman around me, because i feel i'm doing something bad when i deep down feel attracted to them. But i cannot do anything about it its probably programmed within the primitive part of the brain. He then answered to me that he aswell looks at woman he feels attracted to even tough they are not his partner, but now it comes... he also said that he thinks it is a bad thing to get or say so 'seek' eye contact with such a person, this comment got me very anxious, because whenever there are woman around me where i feel and know i could find them attractive i try and do alot to not get to much in contact with them, but due to the fact that im constantly occupied with not getting in contact with them it almost works the other way around. by trying to not give them any attention i actually am constantly keeping track of them, this actually causes me to have more eye contact with them then i want to. Its almost as if someone tells you to think about everything except a pink elephant... well guess what.. all i can think of from that moment is a pink elephant.... Now this eye contact really has gotten me very anxious and feeling like a terrible person, what is my next move? avoid all places where woman are? remove myself from a room if a certain woman comes walking in? what can i do?? i am so lost with this....