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About snowbear

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    OCD-UK Member and

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    North Wales
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    Creative writing, psychology, mental resilience and leadership

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  1. I think you're missing the point. The TV shows aren't trying to suggest therapy needs to be done like it is on the programmes they feature. They're simply trying to make people aware of the TYPE of therapy available, so they can seek out the equivalent in their own back yard. These shows highlight what's possible when the sufferer puts their mind to it and receives a bit of one on one therapy. Which is exactly what you should be aiming for in a standard CBT session in a standard NHS setting. Regardless of whether it's performing to a camera and a nation of viewers or just you and your therapist sitting in plastic chairs in the privacy of an NHS office somewhere, the therapy is essentially the same. Don't confuse setting with content. Weddings are a useful comparison. Is a wedding any less valid if it's performed in a registry office with only two witnesses instead of being a celebrity splash that gets tons of media attention? No. At the end of the day a wedding is about two people making a commitment to each other for the future. Therapy is about two people working together to achieve a result. The setting of the vows/therapy has no bearing whatsoever on whether it will be a success or a failure. That's up to the two people involved and whether they are committed to putting in the effort to make work.
  2. People often underestimate how much their boss is aware of their struggles. Your boss may be concerned but feel uncertain how to raise the issue if it's not yet seriously affecting your ability to do your job. It can be a relief to an employer to learn an employee is taking responsibility and seeking help rather than pretending everything is ok when its not. Feeling guilty about taking time off to look after your own health is bad self-management. Think how it would look if you were describing this reaction as a skill on a job application: 'I indulge myself in guilt trips when I'm not coping and prefer to allow the rest of the team to carry me rather than improve my performance to benefit the team as a whole.' Not good. Guilt is a waste of time and energy. Ditch the guilt, sort the problem and get on with life.
  3. Why don't you approach your boss/supervisor at work and explain you have been referred for treatment? Put it in a positive light from your employer's perspective by saying you've been offered the opportunity to have this treatment over the phone which could mean less time off work overall, but that in order to utilise the offer of phone sessions you require a quiet place to take the call(s) where you will not be interrupted or overheard. Put the ball in their court that they have a choice of providing you with somewhere private for an hour before you return directly to work, or they allow you the time off work to travel to sessions, have treatment, travel back to the office... You don't need to tell them that travelling to face-to-face sessions hasn't been offered as yet. Just make it seem like it's in their interests to support you within the office environment. (It's an employer's legal duty to allow reasonable time off for medical treatment so this is a win-win for them if they help you out.)
  4. Hi Mini 33 and welcome to the forum. First off let's clear up a misunderstanding. The term gets bandied about by people looking for a way to explain what they are experiencing, but there is no such thing as 'false memories'. They are just intrusive thoughts that happen to be set in the past. People think because it relates to a time that's in the past it must be a 'memory'. As we generally remember what happened in the past they start trying to 'remember' if the thoughts are real or false when they're neither. It's a thought you're having in the present. It's an imaginary scenario that your mind has conjured up in the exact same way people conjure up worries about a future that hasn't happened. Worries are about things we fear we couldn't cope with if they did happen and these thoughts set in the past are worries about things we would have found hard to cope with if they had happened. Problems start when you fail to recognise them as present day thoughts and look for some kind of meaning in them related to your past. Accept they mean nothing and are nothing to do with memory and they become easier to dismiss as just thoughts. Like any other random thought you might have float through your mind that doesn't scare you because it doesn't mean anything to you.
  5. Hi stepforward, Two years of CBT has achieved a return to work and functioning as a parent and those are notable successes not to be underestimated. Sometimes judging progress is about remembering where you started as well as looking at where you finish! That daily life is still a struggle suggests your wife's way of thinking about perceived threats hasn't changed which is why the OCD keeps recurring with a variety of themes. There is no set timetable for changing how you interpret the world, but a different therapist who puts more emphasis on cognitive than behavioural therapy may be able to give her a new perspective on the process. I second Ashley on the ineffectiveness of EMDR. I don't know of any evidence-based research that shows it helps in OCD. Personally I believe a number of therapists are using it inappropriately in 'resistant' OCD cases because they feel they have nothing else to offer. In my opinion, if a therapist views you as a resistant case or starts trying unproven methods it's time to try a new therapist. Commitment from your wife to change is vital and there's no better incentive than planning an extension to your family. From this point on it's about getting the right kind of CBT so you can confidently plan a pregnancy without medication.
  6. I agree with you 100% GBG that he's uncomfortable about bad publicity. Egotists never take criticism well. But he's also wily enough to turn it to his advantage and IMO is trying to do just that with his 'we're being trolled' response. His ego might be bruised but he'll still be rubbing his wallet over the increased publicity. I also agree with Ashley that somebody needs to counter the propaganda fluff with facts to make the public aware of what's what. My heart just sinks every time this thread gets resurrected - which is why I'm going to make no further contribution and hope it soon slides back into oblivion.
  7. My top tips: Embrace uncertainty as something desirable and beneficial. Delight in the endless possibilities opened up by not knowing. Celebrate uncertainty, for it is a gift that always gives you the benefit of the doubt. Recognise that 'knowing' isn't actually knowing at all merely holding one particular opinion where there are many equally valid 'truths' available.
  8. Are we giving the method undeserved attention by discussing it? Better to ignore the fuss. Mr LInden will be fully aware that 'All press is good advertising, even when they say bad things about you.' I've no doubt he delights in every little controversy so long as it keeps his name in the public eye and mind. The less we discuss him the better, IMO.
  9. The gender of characters you desire to emulate is irrelevant to whether you are gay, straight, transgender, or whatever sexuality you identify with. Look upon such desirable characteristics as personality traits, not gender traits. It is only culture which assigns particular characteristics to masculinity or femininity, but these stereotypes mean nothing in terms of nature or genes. Go to a different culture in another part of the world and it is seen as masculine to cry, feminine to be domineering; they are all just cultural beliefs which have nothing to do with actual gender, let alone sexual orientation. Separate gender from sexuality (sexual orientation) and it all becomes a lot less confusing. It also becomes a lot less important what sexuality you happen to be, because the cultural norms around what you 'ought' to be and how you 'ought' to behave or feel are removed. Don't be duped into believing one set of cultural norms is 'correct' or that a particular culture's gender stereotypes have anything to do with your sexuality.
  10. Hi Gareth, You say you've been successful with CBT in the past. This relapse can be managed in the same way as before. Accept the thoughts are just thoughts and have no meaning. Then let them be and carry on with your day. You've done it before and you can do it again. Remember to watch out for any sneaky compulsions you might be doing that keep the thoughts active and nip those in the bud.
  11. Sounds like a good plan, Mrsmoo. Hope all goes well with the GP on Thursday.
  12. Several ways. Easiest way is to highlight the part you want to quote and a black tag will appear nearby saying 'quote this' - just click on that and the highlighted text comes up in a quote box (as above.) Alternatively, click on 'quote' at the bottom of the post and it brings up the whole post. Then just click inside the box to get the cursor in the right part of the screen and delete all the bits you don't want leaving the part you want to quote.
  13. Result? Perhaps you'll be free of a bully who treats you like dirt. Free to start over, rebuild your self-esteem and find someone who treasures you for yourself, loves you and makes you feel strong and safe even on your worst OCD days. Someone who loves you unconditionally in spite of your OCD. I'm not telling you to leave him or to stay - that's your choice alone to make. But do you really want to be with someone who doesn't love you? Love does not criticise or belittle. Love doesn't make you question yourself, feel insecure, guilty, flawed, or damage your self-confidence. Love doesn't view having an anxiety disorder as a fault. Ok, so even if he doesn't love you, you love him. (Or think what you feel is love.) Maybe you're still besotted by whatever facade he put up when you first fell for him, or maybe you've become so low in self-esteem you believe his bullying is better than being alone. My guess is you've been telling yourself you love him for so long you've forgotten what genuine loving and being loved feels like. Probably also been beating yourself up with guilt over having OCD and telling yourself you deserve no better. After all, that's what he thinks, right? One thing is for sure, whatever he says, however convincing he sounds when he apologises, anybody who can treat you like that over a stupid bit of gravy doesn't love you and isn't worthy of your time, let alone you feeling devastated! It's normal to feel disorientated and nervous about a relationship ending. It's normal to have doubts about how you'll cope if you're alone and what the future will hold. That's a healthy response, not OCD. The trick is to turn this natural anxiety into excitement about the wonderful new possibilities ahead and who you'll meet that it will be a joy to share them with. Then put the past behind you and put your best foot forward. You say you work in an area dealing with victim trauma and domestic violence. So you know better than most how the psychology works, how people convince themselves what they feel is love when it's just fear of being alone, telling themselves the fault is theirs, believing they deserve whatever gets dished out. And that's just for someone who doesn't have OCD nagging at them. Add OCD to the mix... Your choice. But where's the harm in staying with your Dad for a while, give yourself some space and a chance to regain some perspective? Consider checking your phone only once a day for messages and switching it off straight after work so you don't waste your evenings hoping it will beep. Unless your job is 24 hours on-call, there's nothing that can't wait until the next day to be given your attention.
  14. Hi Mrsmoo. Welcome to the forum. Your daughter does seem to be showing some symptoms of OCD with intrusive thoughts driving compulsive behaviours such as confessing. It must be very tiring to hear this all day long, but of course it's tiring for her too thinking it all day long! Confessing isn't helpful though as it reinforces the feeling she needs to speak out or take action to neutralise the thoughts. Personally I don't believe this sort of behaviour is attention seeking. There are easier ways (which are far less distressing for the child) to do that. More helpful to view it as a plea to help her neutralise unwanted or distressing thoughts. In that light you can ignore the (sometimes hurtful) content such as 'you're fat' and concentrate on helping her understand they are just thoughts and she can let them pass through her mind and ignore them without any negative consequences. It's important to look after your own health and not to get drawn into the rituals to the extent you neglect yourself. Easier said than done when you must be worried, but the more tired and stressed you become the harder it is to stay calm and rational when the behaviours become irritating. Try to take some time out for yourself to relax, especially at bedtime. What help have you been offered by your GP? Has he referred her to CAMHS for CBT? Have you considered reading a self-help book for parents so you learn how to support her when she offloads her anxiety onto you?
  15. I agree with Lost. You need to address the cognitive side. ERP on its own is torturing yourself without an end in sight. The cognitive side shows you how to create an endpoint and how to reach it.