DownTheRabbitHole

I was doing okay but now because of what’s been said I’m now panicking that my memory of not doing anything bad is false, when I was sure that I remembered going away from the person. I feel a hundred times worse now, great. That’s like saying all my other false memories were real event ocd which I know is a load of rubbish as they all turned out not to be true.

I’m confused then as I was always told that I suffer from false memories as I get thoughts that something terrible has happened and then I convince myself it’s real but it always turns out to be false in the end and that it didn’t actually happen. I know that with the false memory I’m going through at the moment I was initially sure that nothing actually happened and I could remember clearly that I had walked away from the person, I think that I did walk away from the person and that nothing happened as that what I remember first and I felt sure at the time.

I’m not trying to label it as false memory in order to get conclusion that nothing happened, what I am saying is that false memory ocd is not the same as real memory ocd, false memory is about something that didn’t happen and real event ocd is obviously about something that did actually happen. Although they are both themes of ocd, false memory is not the same as real event ocd. I was confused over why the article would say that false memory ocd can be about a real event, as to my understanding false memory ocd is about something that didn’t actually occur.

What I don’t understand is how false memory ocd can be about a real memory? That’s what it says in the quoted article.

“False Memory OCD refers to a cluster of OCD presentations wherein the sufferer becomes concerned about a thought that appears to relate to a past event. The event can be something that actually happened (but over which there is some confusion) or it can be something completely fabricated by the mind.” The above quote was pasted from an article on false memory ocd and it has me feeling rather anxious and confused, it says that false memories can be about something that actually happened but if something actually happened then it wouldn’t be a false memory would it? Not asking for reassurance, I just don’t understand what the author of the article means.

I’m doing better, just sitting with the thoughts and letting them bubble away in the background

This is the worst one I’ve ever had and feels so real, I hate my brain and I just want a normal life but I’m going to have to live believing that I’m a monster, I wish it would all just go away :’(

Also is there any way of telling if a memory is a real or false memory?

I know what I need to do but it doesn’t feel right to leave it unsolved, it feels like the only way I can move on is to find out that I didn’t do it but I will never find that out. Weird thing is I remember being anxious when I saw the person and just wanting to get away from them, I also remember walking away from them, so it makes no sense that I would suddenly just act on a thought when I never have acted on one before, makes me think that this is quite possibly just another false memory

I’m not going over it, I just wonder why I first remembered walking away from the person and not going in the loo at all whilst they were in there and yet my brain still says that I did something. I think that I could be going through another false memory as it seems odd that I would suddenly act on my biggest fear when I would never want to actually act on it ever.

The thoughts are there but I am trying hard not to interact with them

I have never acted on a thought before, I have always just had false memories that I have but I know that up until this false memory I have never acted on a thought whatsoever. I am getting thoughts but I am not memory checking.

Not act on my thoughts? It’s acting on my thoughts that I am worried that I have done

I’m sorry but I not understand what you are saying, what do you mean by “if you are able to act like it feels like you shouldn’t”? I dont understand most of your post unfortunately.

I have worked hard to get through my other bits, I used to spend so much time checking but that doesn’t bother me anymore as I decided to just stop checking. I am fighting so hard for recovery and I know that if I can get through this last bit then I stand a good chance of getting to a point where I am fully recovered from OCD, I am determined to beat this OCD monster.