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  1. Hi everyone, A few months ago (if anyone remembers me) I was active on here, and had some pretty strong views and advice on certain subjects. I now realise those views/advice were the product of a very unwell mind that was in the throes of OCD, and should at least be taken with a grain of salt, if not disregarded completely, if you ever come across them in an old thread. I mean, if any of the moderators want to simply delete my past posts (if that can be done), I'd be OK with that too. Thanks, and I hope everyone's doing well
  2. Thanks a lot PolarBear - I'll try to approach things from more of a general relaxation angle for a change then (rather than always trying to deal with things in an OCD sense) and I'll see how it goes at work
  3. Thanks for the reply PolarBear, I'll try to elaborate a bit. I've only just started back at work - before now I didn't think I was in a state to get back into work because of my bad mental health, and I'm still a work in progress when it comes to OCD. Now that I'm working again in this retail job I just feel like (and maybe there's a bit of black and white thinking here, who knows) that at work I'm in a non-stop compulsive loop. I think the fear that fuels it is the fear of losing my job (which I know is illogical, since if i did lose it i'd probably be OK and just get another job, but as we know OCD often seems to not care about logic) - so, constantly checking to see if my manager is watching me, having to always be moving, finding myself going over and resizing clothes on a rack in a way that's like engaging with that OCD itch to make everything perfect without thinking about it, blurting things out without properly thinking them through, or running over to customers in what feels like a really compulsive manner in which I'm not 'in the present' but, rather, responding to fears in my head. It just feels like the work I do is just compulsive behaviour. Especially when I compare it to how I can be outside of work in which I'm less like that. And that's where the questions in my original post come in. How could i start to stop letting OCD drive me at work (not to mention how would I actually go about doing that) when it's the OCD itself that seems to be getting things done. Plus, how can i, in good faith, start trying to change my behaviour at work when while at work I ought to be working and not fiddling with my mental health. Hope that makes more sense
  4. Hi everyone, I'm hoping the brain's trust here might have a couple of hints/advice on this topic So, I work in retail, and I feel like my whole work being is just a whirlwind of compulsive behaviour - from interacting with customers to compulsively re-sizing clothes on racks to everything else. Of course, I don't feel great at the end of a shift and don't enjoy the shift at all during it. But I'm wondering - how could you change over to start working in a more healthy manner when my whole work persona, my whole work self, is defined by my OCD? And before we even get to HOW i would do such a thing (and I'm not sure how I would - what, start resisisting the compulsions even though it's the compulsions that are getting things done....?), wouldn't trying to alter my behaviour during work just be time that i should be spending working, and not be compatible with trying to work? I mean, How could I in good faith go on some crusade to try to change my ways at work when i'm being paid there to do my job. Have any of you struggled with this too? Any thoughts/tips/advice? Thanks
  5. Face your fears. You'll feel uncomfortable at first, of course. But face them - don't wash the sheets or anything, just lay there and try to go to sleep. Don't give your OCD thoughts the time of day. That's the key to getting through this.
  6. Thanks so much It'sOnlyNatural!! I wouldn't be surprised if my analysis that you mentioned was actually rumination/over-analysing - you definitely might be right! And it's kind of nice to know I'm not the only one out there who's grappled with the uncomfortable idea/realisations of, as you put it, "allowing myself to base my judgement on OCD thoughts rather than on my own considered beliefs/opinions". Thanks a million for all the advice. I'm pretty well thanks - hope you are too
  7. Anyone else? I was hoping maybe one of the experts might have gone "Yeah, you're doing ... , stop doing... " but maybe I was a bit optimistic
  8. Hmm well they say to start small. If, say, it'd be easier for you to not seek reassurance on a skin issue rather than, say, what you think is a heart issue or something, then face the skin issue fear first by not seeking reassurance for that one. Then when you realise that your brain had been lying to you and you never had to seek reassurance for that sort of skin issue in the past you'll start to realise that your brain might have been lying to you about needing to seek reassurance for the heart issue as well, and it'll be easier to not seek reassurance for that one. They suggest working your way up when it comes to facing your fears like this a.k.a. 'exposure'
  9. When you're in the midst of pure terror or 100% panic attack mode and all logic's gone out the window, i've been told that the best thing you can do (and, really, the only thing you can do) is try to soothe yourself until it passes, like one would try to soothe a crying baby or something. It could be something like holding an object or something that has special significance, or playing some music of some sort, anything that'll help to soothe you until the event passes. They suggested having a 'soothing box' containing this sort of stuff that you could use in that sort of emergency
  10. I know what you mean - you don't want to not check because it would be like you're ignoring things that are important for your health etc. Well, just realise that it's the hypervigilance ITSELF that is unhealthy - a mentally unhealthy practice. You should stop it for the good of your health, even if if you do your OCD brain will be screaming at you that you're doing the wrong, unhealthy, reckless, stupid, crazy thing by not checking/seeking reassurance. But just don't listen to this (admittedly strong and persuasive!) part of your brain - it's a flat out lie. It really is
  11. Hey katypie, Hope you start feeling better soon. As for advice I'm not sure what to say apart from the fact that if you have another breakdown (not that it's going to happen, but if it did) it'll be OK - you'll get the help you need and move on with your life. Everyone can get sick sometime or another - whether it's physically sick or mentally sick. It's not anything you need to be ashamed of or worry about potentially happening - it's simply a part of life. Anyway, hope you start feeling better soon. As with any anxiety disorder, when you're faced with the decision to either face or avoid/ruminate on/analyse your fears - choose to face them, as hard as it is. Grit your teeth and open the mail etc. And you'll be giving a big middle finger/ **** you to the OCD fear thoughts and what-ifs that are in your head by doing so. Good luck
  12. I agree with this. You don't wanna start getting dependant on benzos.
  13. Wow, thanks so much for all that! I think you're probably right in that I've got a bit of the old 'black and white thinking' going on for sure. When it comes to real life situations, I feel that even just getting back into life a bit more (recently gotten a job again) might have started to help, even in so far as it kind of means 'surrendering into the world' if that makes sense (kind of like the opposite of avoidance and hiding away from everything). In that going to work every day and coming into contact with people is giving a middle finger to the irrational OCD thoughts of what if I lost control in public and people 'found out I was crazy' etc, because going and doing those things is making me sort of have to surrender into the possibility that those things could actually happen. And it's almost like I'm putting my trust in these people just by being there (when it comes to the really big 'crazy' irrational OCD thoughts - like what if they saw me be 'weird'/'crazy' and called the 'authorities' or something), like 'trusting' that they won't actually call the 'authorities'. I'm not sure if I've totally explained that well though. Anyway thanks so much for the advice
  14. Thanks for that Gemma, I think I follow :) Thanks for getting back to me BadgerFox! I know you said I explained it in good detail but it's a confusing topic and I think I could have explained it even better. I'm basically saying that I think I've realised I might be so detached from reality without realising it. That my whole existence at the moment is just based on the endless stream of what-if OCD thoughts (almost a 'psychosis') swirling around in my head. This realisation hit me during the conversation I posted above. So, we know that OCD is about not being OK with certain thoughts. Well, I'm here on a forum making (what I thought was) a decent contribution. But after PolarBear's post it hit me: has my entire contribution in that conversation just been a manifestation of my not being able to accept a certain thought? (i.e just a manifestation of my OCD) The thought here being: losing/surrendering control to someone else like a health professional, and them having your 'life in their hands'. So, now I'm starting to think my original argument in the conversation was not based in the real world. Instead, I think it was maybe just a manifestation/expression of my illness and OCD 'dream world'. One theory of mine: maybe I've been unwittingly making progress on accepting the what-if thought of 'what if i lost/surrendered control to someone'. And perhaps i've made so much progress that I've started to think 'Yes, I could surrender and it would be fine!'. And then there's a forum discussion and I start saying 'Yes, one should definitely surrender control!' It's like I'm failing to recognise there's a difference between 1. 'surrendering control' in one's own OCD thoughts so as to give a big middle finger to the OCD idea that something bad would happen if you did surrender control, and 2. actually surrendering control in real life. And that I've lost touch so much that I'm advocating 'surrendering control' on the forum and not being able to understand (at least at first) that we're really talking about the actual, real-life practical pros/cons of giving complete control to someone else (which, now I see would be silly to do!). I hope that makes a bit more sense. I was hoping maybe one of you might be able to see from afar if I'm right about this, how so, and maybe even some advice? Cheers
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