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About PhilM

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  1. Good question OD. I used to wake up scared because of my first (ocd) thoughts of the day. Now I'm just grouchy because of tranquilliser withdrawal and not taking pills to help/make me sleep but I get up straight away instead of staying in bed ruminating. Sorry if I've gone off on a tangent.
  2. When people post about how helpful medication has been (usually anti-depressants?) I am so happy for them. The other side of the coin as I see it (personal perspective) what if we wait for the medication to kick in (usually weeks to build up in our system) and really, really hoping it is going to help...and it doesn't? How do we deal with that disappointment and move on? I've read a few threads (with no judgement) were OCD sufferers are so desperate for the medication to help and kind of waiting for something to happen - I've been there in the last 20+ years believe me. Now I'm not against medication in anyway whatsoever but I was described an A-Z of medications ranging from anti-depressants, anti-psychotics and even beta-blockers with no impact on my OCD. My point is again from a personal and sensitive perspective that if the meds help - brilliant - but I now know they are not a panacea for me. Best wishes, your friend, Phil.
  3. Oh Roy it was seriously unpleasant combined with hay fever but I don't feel like I need to work out why it happened - it just did you know? Thanks as always for responding. Your friend, Phil.
  4. Out of the blue earlier. The fear returned and I felt I "had fallen back". What was cool though? A couple of weeks ago I made a decision not to take an "emergency" tranquilliser out with me which I had done for YEARS and I coped and I coped well. I always had a pill in my pocket and I decided not to and again my friends this forum has not been a source of reassurance but guidance, kindness, care and a massive amount of friendship. It's an ongoing journey for me as with others but wow (!) what a difference to a year ago! There is always hope despite the despondency I and many others have felt/feel. Best wishes, Phil.
  5. Glad it was helpful. Sharing my thoughts and feelings is cathartic to me and feedback to my posts is always most appreciated. Best wishes, Phil.
  6. A slight tangent but relevant I think. I found out the hard way that staying in the house/flat and ruminating about what "might" happen if I went out made me feel even more fearful. Yes, I've had lots of panic attacks in public (also on planes, trains and darn it automobiles) but did any of the things I feared happening happen? Did I ever "involuntarily" hurt a child? I think, friends, you'll know the answer to the questions above without me having to elaborate. Best wishes, Phil.
  7. Thank you. It got better in both situations although my wife said initially I looked very tense.
  8. I think the physical side of smoking may appear to relieve stress but my understanding is that smoking actually speeds up adrenaline and increases blood pressure so in effect causes some physical symptoms of anxiety?
  9. David I know your struggles mate as I still have similar struggles myself. I went to a restaurant today for my wedding anniversary and there was lots of kids there and then a beer garden with friends on a lovely sunny day and again lots of children. I felt very uncomfortable in both situations but I wanted my wife and I to have a nice day so I stayed in the situations despite my inner turmoil.
  10. Thanks for the responses OD. Now I'm off for an anniversary lunch with my wife. Have a good day. Best wishes, Phil.
  11. As always I don't want to sabotage other forum users' threads and just my opinion (© PhilM). A lot of us OCD/anxiety sufferers (maybe not ex-sufferers) seem so excessively concerned with what other people think. We seem to think other people know what's going on in our head or predict what other people are thinking about us. We think "when we're acting weird" (when we're not) people are noticing and judging us - and if they are, so what? The flip side of the coin is that often people are genuinely concerned if they see someone looking distressed. We also catastrophise events weeks away with the same "what if, what if, what if" running through our heads and then the event happens and it may not be the most pleasant experience in the world but often it is not as bad as we feared. All of the above applies to me. I've always been a worrier and obviously this increased massively when OCD started but I've really started to try and address the above now slowly, slowly and as always this forum has been massively helpful. Just some thoughts. Phil. Over and out.
  12. If you were just drinking water anyway what would it matter? What does it matter what other people think? It's your choice/business. Just because you are going away for the weekend doesn't mean you HAVE to drink. Either way, don't let stuff you've read on Google dictate how you feel - often stuff online is just a view not a fact. Just like this post. Best wishes, Phil.
  13. She is lovely, funny and kind x
  14. Thank you as always friends. I am truly lucky to have this wonderful woman in my life. Best wishes your friend Phil.