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About PhilM

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  1. I want to post about my experiences as I don't want to hijack someone else's thread but I'm not sure if it's a good idea or not.
  2. Feel free not to answer: What do you think being admitted will achieve? Will you feel safer? Do you think the intensity of your thoughts will lessen? More importantly, do you want to be admitted?
  3. Thank you for the responses. Well I suppose it is either ritualised behaviour with the clothing or maybe just a habit - I don't know if it would cause me undue stress as I've always been like this + I see it as a waste of washing powder so maybe with hindsight it isn't OCD-related - unless of course I change my routine and feel worried. The music thing is possibly just really getting into a song that I like and playing it over and over again? Best wishes, Phil.
  4. If you feel that bad I think you need to go to A&E or phone up one of the organisations mentioned above.
  5. Well that's good - well done you and maybe it's the start on a journey a lot of us are on or have been on? I would love to see some posts from you which describe how you are not taking the thoughts so seriously and your anxiety is lessening. It can be done - while waiting for therapy or in therapy, but obviously I would say working with a good therapist is how a lot of people move forward. You'll hopefully find some inner strength you didn't think you had. I still have intrusive thoughts about harming children but I do not take them as seriously as I used to do although they are still very distressing at times and I've struggled with this condition for 23 years. You can build a foundation - it doesn't matter as long as you are making little steps one hour at a time, one day, one week etc. Just my view as always. Best wishes, Phil.
  6. A realisation today: I wear the same clothes all the time despite a varied wardrobe. I'm not talking about wearing the same clothes day after day until they are smelly (!) but I have rules with clothing. For example, I'll think "I only wore that T-shirt for a few hours" and I'll put it on a hanger BUT won't wear it the next day because I'm thinking people will notice I've been wearing the same item for two days. So I'll wear it a couple of days later and hope no-one notices. This is not something which is a massive thing to me but it is something I'm conscious of so I guess it is OCD-related and of course some of us have multiple issues with OCD with varying degrees of severity. I think it is something - with my realisation - I can address myself without therapy which I'm on a break from anyway. The other thing - which I'm not sure if this IS OCD-related - but I'll get fixated on one song. For example, I rarely buy brand-new albums because there is much available cheap as chips online unless it's a band I'm really, really into and I'll buy the album and just listen to one song over and over and over again. So an album I bought in early March I've listened to one song maybe 40 times and the rest of the songs on the album only a couple of times. Again, not hugely distressing but I guess OCD-related? Just some thoughts. Thanks for reading friends and best wishes, Phil.
  7. Some great advice from Hal above. Someone once told me that as it difficult as it can be with depression getting out of bed more or less as soon as you wake up is a very good tactic instead of starting your day lying in bed already ruminating - which I've done myself - and wanting to go back to sleep. David, I still feel you are going round in circles and I understand that to a large degree because I know what a combination of OCD and depression can be like. Do you think you may be relying to much on the community mental health team or CPN? What are they actually going to do to help you in the short-term? OK they could potentially visit you at home everyday to see how you are doing but you are still going to be spending a lot of time alone dealing with your thoughts and feelings. Another point - again from a personal perspective. I have tried most anti-depressants on the market for OCD and I don't believe any of them helped ME at all so other strategies had to be explored. I also had to ask myself "am I depressed or am I just extremely unhappy about my condition and the state I am in?" Fear is a very powerful emotion as most OCD sufferers know but little baby steps can start to re-build confidence and reduce anxiety. Best wishes, Phil
  8. Thank you for the responses. Very helpful. Best wishes, Phil.
  9. Evening friends. As always I'm just after a view as I want to be helpful in my own clumsy way and not wanting to sabotage another post but I think people will know who I'm talking about. How do you respond to "extreme" posts about feeling suicidal, wanting to slit your wrists etc.? Lots of us have been in a mess (me included) and had those thoughts - possibly non-intrusive but more to do with despair - so do we suggest A&E as it sounds like a real crisis? I can't think of any alternative unless you are a client of a CMHT's crisis team? Best wishes, Phil.
  10. 9mg

    I think the clue is in the name of the band ?! However most of the music I like is old school like The Beatles, Led Zeppelin etc. Anyway I'm now down to 9mg a day after a great appointment this morning with the GP. Getting there slowly friends and thanks as always for the amazing support. Best wishes, Phil.
  11. 9mg

    Oh and that horrible metallic taste still. Ironically one of my favourite bands is Metallica....
  12. 9mg

    Hi Caramoole - thanks as always for posting and great advice. Yep, a combination of trepidation and excitement. The side effects are manageable - most of the time. Sometimes I have sudden "flashes" of panic and I also have some other "physical" issues involving the toilet which I'm not sure I not need to elaborate on! Sometimes I feel tearful for no reason and sometimes over-emotional at something I see on the news. Someone else said that to me - after she stopped taking Valium, HER panic attacks stopped. Best wishes, Phil x
  13. 9mg

    Hey friends. I had an amazing experience this morning. As you know I am on a withdrawal program from tranquilisers. I woke up this morning and realised - looking at my bedside table for the first time in FIFTEEN years I had not taken half a pill when I woke up in the middle of the night to "get" me back to sleep - it didn't occur to me and when I saw half of the pill I was initially quite confused! My OCD and pill dependency are linked so I HOPE this post is apt and appropriate as others have been through the horror of the withdrawal process and been so supportive to me. I'm not there yet - 9mg from tomorrow - but I can see the finishing post coming despite some fear and reservations. Best wishes and as always thank you for all the support, Phil.
  14. I agree and thank you for the response. I always - again just my view - think the monthly financial commitment to become a member is very modest and I wish more people would sign up. That's not a criticism of people's financial circumstances as obviously some people don't have a lot of cash but if this website closed due to funding issues I would be devastated as it has been so helpful. Again, no criticism intended. Best wishes, Phil.