movingon

That's so good to hear Carol - congratulations to you both. Can I ask how long your Son has been seeing the psychiatrist? We have realised my Sons OCD is triggered by loss, he fears losing things that are important to him. realising this helps a little bit to understand where it is all coming from, but I'm still unsure what to do to help. I have also been trying to control his hoarding by throwing things away as soon as possible so he doesn't get attached to them. Enjoy your celebration - it's great to hear such good news x

Thank you for your replies. He does get up for college - it's always a rush as he leaves everything till the last minute and is often a few minutes late (he drives now which is another issue and a new fear is that he will have an accident or lose his driving license). Is your Son recovered now Carol? I am trying a new approach at the moment of trying to get him to make his own decisions about things instead of keep giving him advice and seeing if it makes him think things through a bit more instead of relying on other people to keep doing it for him, and hope it might help in some way as I am at a loss really what else to do.

When I challenged him he was evasive saying it's happening trust me and be patient and you will see the results, although he couldn't say when. I think he is so exhausted with doing rituals before going to sleep and so much of the day that he wants to make changes but doesn't have the energy to keep them going - it's the same old vicious circle.

Thank you for your reply Snowbear. I have spoken to him so many times about trying to find a way forward so he can enjoy a life like other people he compares himself with, but despite laying out plans and seeming to be motivated when it comes to actually making changes he doesn't do it, then tells me that he is making changes that we don't see and they take time to make an impact. i just feel like I am hitting my ahead against a brick wall all the time, and it is so painful to see him so tired, down and living his teenage years like this.

Things have moved on since I last posted - but sadly the OCD has got worse. My Son is now 18 and will not see our GP or a counsellor. Life has become very stressful at home and I don't relish the thought of another year with no recovery progress so my question is - can anyone make any suggestions as to how to start to tackle this ourselves please, as I feel we have to start some where. He is currently on holiday from college as he tried all summer to get a job with no success (which means despite constant nagging that he spends half the day in bed and the other half doing rituals), he has changed his course and is much happier with his new choice but worries constantly that he is not going to get a job at the end of it as he was allowed to skip a year of the course due to his age. Christmas day he was almost his old self - relaxed, happy, got out of bed early engaging with the family, which has given me some hope that my son can recover

Many, many thanks for the replies Snowbear and carolj. The advice about cognitive therapy pointer is particularly useful as I wasn't aware of them, and plan to start using them from today on wards. It really helps to share on here and receive such good advice and clarity because some days I feel like there is just no where to turn with this. carolj you made me smile with your comment its all your fault, you had me! because he is constantly saying this! Your suggestion on him staying on his own while we are away is certainly something i am going to mull over too. Thanks again

I can't believe I started this post nearly a year ago and we still are no further forward to beating this. I have now realised that although things are bad now - they are very likely to get even worse. Update Christmas was awful - no quality family time with him as he spent hours and hours each day of the holiday doing routines. that's when it really hit home to me that having time on his hands makes things a lot worse and that he doesn't ever fully recover when life goes back to "normal". The half term holiday saw him spending till lunch time in bed catching up with routines he usually does at night but was too tired to do. We had melt downs nearly every day as a result. last weekend it all came to a head again when he had a huge melt down Sunday because he planned to get up and watch something on TV but fell back to sleep. The result of this was him having a huge bust up with his Dad who told him he can't go on like this and he wants to take him to the doctors, which was met with anger and tantrums and refusal to go. My husband told him the alternative is that he leaves home when he is 18 this summer, as he has reached the end of the line with him. At first he seemed to be shocked into wanting to make a recovery, then he ranted and blamed us for how bad his life is. He also tried to tell me that he will make an effort to recover a) when he gets a job - he wants to work at his brothers company (his brother is against this because he doesn't think he will cope with a job or fit in, and b) if he passes his driving test and gets a car (we cannot afford a car and insurance). Home life is now very stressed and my husband and I are barely speaking as he is so stressed and angry with him (he now thinks we should cancel our holiday as it is not fair to leave his brother to cope with the stress while we are away). i just don't know what to do next, but I know i need to do something because he finished college in May and it's very clear that unless he has something to occupy him straight away he will spend all his day doing routines. Any advice would be appreciated.

Hi all My Son suffers from OCD (he is 17), and I am finding our relationship is really suffering due to the OCD. Things are really awful at the moment as he is very stressed due to exams so today has been a really stressed day full of bickering with me and his Dad and brother. The reason for my post is to ask how OCD has affected your relationship with your parents and how you cope with that. Do you think it's best to live apart from parents or as part of a family helps you cope with the OCD better? Thanks

I can relate to the frustration you feel and the sheer exhaustion off living like this as I live this daily with my Son. I am searching for answers myself and at times the will to carry on!! For me the most frustrating thing is the lack of control I have over my Son's OCD affecting mine and our families life. Venting and sharing on here does help, and I hope you find some answers.

Hi Breaks my heart to see your post and how you are all suffering. It also really scares me as I can see this being the future for my son too. Big hugs to you

That's really good news - hope she continues to improve and make a full recovery.

Hi Sorry things are not progressing as well as you would like. I feel just like you that there will never be an end to this illness, and nothing improves for us just gets worse as time passes. Hugs x

Thank you Snowbear for your words of wisdom. Yesterday was an awful day and I woke this morning dreading getting up and facing the stress again. I need to clear my mind and set out some more ground rules, and talk to him again. Thank you

We sadly have now reached an all time low with my Son. We are now at our wits end with him. Over Christmas when we were all off it has became apparent just how bad things have got with him when he wasn't getting to bed until 6am some mornings due to doing rituals, so not able to get up in the morning Constantly having melt downs when he woke up and found he hadn't finished all his rituals from the night before, and not joining in hardly any family things. Today he fell out with his brother over a lift to the station (he was late again) and he is now blaming us for the fact that he will struggle to get to college because his brother has now firmly refused to take him to the station any more. I have phoned the college who have said he can see their counsellor but he has to get the ball rolling by asking to see her - we can't do it. They also will not allow him any room for late attendance - he will be disciplined the same as anyone else. So not a great help there. I have also found a private therapist who looks really good but she is out of our budget at the moment. I spoke to her on the phone and I think she can help as she specialises in OCD. He still refuses to see the doctor. I am so frustrated and stressed, and so is his Dad and brother and he is so unhappy, even the dog goes to her bed and keeps out of the way - this just an awful way to live and I am exhausted as is he and just don't know where to turn next. He says he can't give up the rituals as they make him feel safe - safe from being homeless (we are hoping to move house and he doesn't want to), and safe from failing in life. Any suggestions please?

Hi I feel for you as I feel like I spend hours and hours trying to help him and we literally get no where. He is draining to be with and I can never predict when he will have a melt down. I literally dread getting up some morning knowing what we are going to face. I too feel at breaking point and always on edge. I really do wonder if he/we will ever be able to manage this illness and constantly worry about what is going to become of him. I hope the appointment at camhs went well and will help things for you and your daughter and family.