Avo

Bulletin Board User
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About Avo

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  • Gender
    Male
  • Location
    UK

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  • OCD Status
    Sufferer
  1. Hi Cub, Thanks for your reply also, i certainly beat myself up as well, i get the feeling others there are much less troubled by any mistakes they make than me. It generally is nothing that can't be fixed pretty quickly with minimum fuss, the people involved in pointing this mistake out to me have probably already forgotten about the incident where as i have agonised over it. Thanks again for your reply Avo
  2. Hi Ashley, Thank you for such a quick reply, i am always trying to get things 100% accurate all the time, in someways my job is potentially feeding into my OCD when a mistake is so black and white so to speak with the type of job i do. When i pick an item i normally check the manifest a couple of times to double check the reference number against the items reference number . I suppose some people will be more casual about it than me. I think i am on the 'normal' side of things where this is concerned, (hopefully) although i could maybe become a little quicker just checking once i suppose.(As with alot of places of this type, speed is also a factor but i would worry that my accuracy will suffer). I wanted to speak to the manager to almost apologise but i didn't in the end, i thought this may make me look too needy and given most peoples attitude to mis-picks it may look a bit over the top. It was rectified in 5 mins so i thought against apologising . I also felt a bit embarrassed as some people will have been aware i made a mistake because of the way it was pointed out to me, this fed into my worry as i thought they would think i was stupid or partly incompetent. If i am honest it's more a case for protection regards joining a union, i am not especially pro or against them, i have never worked somewhere before that has had a union and in someways it feels a bit of a throwback. The opinion of how good they are varies somewhat depending on who you speak to.
  3. Hi Everyone, Would appreciate some guidance on the following, I made a mistake at work yesterday, nothing major and no one in authority seemed to mind too much. I work in a distribution centre and we pick items for dispatch to shops. I mis-picked a couple of items (2 items out of a total of 81 in this particular case).and was asked to change them. However i was very effected by this and still am. My work does random checks on our accuracy and in the past i have got some things wrong, the last one i remember was mis-picking 1 item out of 308 in total. This one didn't bother me too much as it was a small percentage of the total, however mis-picking 2 out of 81 is causing me alot of anxiety as it's quite a high percentage of mistakes (by my previous standards). Other people are randomly checked and from time to time get things wrong too, sometimes more wrong than i do. I am typically worrying in OCD fashion that i may now become terrible at the job and just make more and more mistakes going forward and end up losing my job. There is a trade union at work which alot of people are part of and i have considered joining in the past however i don't know if this is just some kind of re-assurance by doing so. My wife seems to think there is no point joining as i will benefit indirectly from their influence such as terms and conditions etc. However i do wonder if i would feel a bit more secure by joining, but now worry if it's my OCD telling me to join incase i get really bad at the job. They do seem influential at work and are recognised by the company. I think what didn't help also was that when i last mis-picked the person who checks the work came and told me directly however this time he told the manager who called me to change the mis-picked items. This change of the way this happened annoyed me as i thought it was over the top but other people of had this happen too. I had an appraisal about a week before this and everything was fine during that, no negative feedback etc, Sorry for waffling and thanks for taking the time to read my post, i suppose what i am asking is how do i let go of the fact i made a mistake and not let it ruin my few days off over Easter. I would like to return to work not having spent the time worrying about how bad i may be come. Thank you, Avo
  4. I have been on Fluoxetine since last July, i started on 20 mg and it was upped to 40 mg about 6 weeks ago. I find it has helped me to balance out a bit, my wife says i seem to be in a lighter mood overall and much less snappy with her. I have also felt a bit more content from time to time which has been good. It took me about 2 weeks to get free of the symptoms, which were mainly fatigue (at least for the first week), a low level headache and a dry mouth. I still have OCD along with anxiety and i have just started a fresh course of CBT which i know is the main weapon for fighting OCD but the medication has helped me cope with life a bit better.
  5. Thanks both for your feedback, I would hate my OCD to influence my use of these boards, they do feel like a lifeline at times. I have just started a fresh course of CBT, had the first session last week, I wonder if this has somehow upped my stress levels as I try to confront the various issues I have.
  6. Thanks PolarBear, I do sometimes go back to a post if I see it's a particularly long one getting a lot of replies I suppose this is normal as I am wondering how the person is coping as the hours and days go by.? this can apply to posts of all topics. I expect others may do this too?
  7. Hi Everyone, I have been on these boards regularly for a few weeks now and found great comfort and information in them by reading other threads as well as posting some of my own. I have also learned some good advice from others both directly to me and while reading about other peoples worries. However I am concerned my OCD is effecting my enjoyment/appreciation of these boards. This is because I often re-read topics just browsing, some are very personal and very candid relating often to sexual worries and issues. I have and still have these myself and have posted candidly in the past. I have read with great admiration and sympathy for a lot of them as I know how distressing OCD can be. I have also been very impressed with the advice given. My concern is that I question my reasons for re-reading some of them, mainly ones that mention sexual issues I skip over ones relating to and sexual worries around children as I have this worry, I worry somehow I am getting some kind of 'kick' out of these ones if I read them properly.. I also worry around adults sexual posts as I could legitimately find some of the descriptions arousing and this makes me feel guilty as If I am reading these again for some kind of sexual 'kick' again, when the person describing them is going through such difficult issues. I feel ashamed and guilty for this and am considering leaving the boards for a while. would this just be avoidance if I did?. I have been ruminating on this issue for a while now and it has ruined my day, it's been lovely weather here and instead of enjoying my afternoon with my family I have let this issue drag me down. Can anyone else relate to this at all? does this make me a bad person?
  8. I often find if I have a severe OCD episode that I am left feeling very down afterwards, I call it the 'heavy feeling' but it sounds similar to what you describe, it almost feels like the aftermath and that I worried so much during the OCD episode that I am mentally drained and fragile. Almost like if this was a physical symptom it would be a pulled or sprained muscle and it takes a few days to heal. I think Depression can go along with OCD, I have certainly been depressed over the past few years. I was put on medication last summer which has helped to an extent and am due to start a new course of CBT in the next few days which hopefully will get me more in control of my OCD.
  9. Hi Draven1, Sorry to hear you are struggling at the moment with this, I agree with Wonderer its because you love your partner that it is causing you distress, it is OCD making this so painful for you. If you can avoid rumination on this topic it will seem less severe. . As you know I have this issue at the moment, I have found this helpful as a couple of weeks ago it was all consuming for me it's not too bad today but it does flare up quite regularly, it is one of several themes that seem to circulate and land on me from time to time. My phone call went ok thanks, I am on a waiting list for CBT, was told that hopefully it will not be too long to wait. I see you are waiting on CBT as well, hopefully it will not be long for you either. I think that it is the way forward when dealing with OCD. I hope your treatment is not too long in arriving and you get some real benefit from it.
  10. Hi All, Thank you for your replies, I will indeed try to do what you say, I think I am so used to ruminating that it has become second nature and I actually struggle to realise I am doing it. I have a phone call on Monday with a therapist with a view to starting some CBT soon. I think can't come soon enough.
  11. Hi All, I posted a couple of weeks ago about worrying if I had a crush on a woman at work and had it 'got into my ocd' as it was causing me a lot of anguish as I am married with a child and really don't want anything to effect my relationship. I was ruminating so much I felt like crying I was going over various scenarios in my head around this woman leaving my wife etc. Thanks to the kind advice from fellow board users I treated this crush as an obsessive thought, accepted that we are all human and will be attracted to other people from time to time and the issue would become less significant, which it did. I was doing quite well even with coming into contact with this woman at work, today however has set me off as it was her birthday today, my worry has evolved slightly and I am worried that I am somehow being 'inappropriate. I am 38 and this woman is probably early 20's - I heard people asking her how old she was but was not near enough to hear this made me worry as one of my OCD issues is worrying if I am attracted to children, although I know she is not a child as she works and drives a car I am worried about the potential age gap and could I be old enough to be her father?, I am guessing early 20's but could she be late teens? age of consent in the UK is 16 she must at least be 17 or 18 minimum as she drives this makes any potential age gap even wider if she is in her teens and does it somehow lend itself to my fear over being attracted to children.? I get on with her ok and thought about asking her how old she was but decided against it as I thought it may be re-assurance seeking. Should I have asked her anyway and lived with the anxiety whatever age she said she was or did I do the right thing just not asking in the first place? I am also worried if a crush is somehow more inappropriate than simple physical attraction. I would appreciate if anyone can advise me on this issue as once again its causing me a lot of distress, has anyone had a similar combination of worries at the same time? Thanks in advance
  12. Thanks for your responses, it's sometimes difficult when you get so caught up in the emotion of everything to think clearly.
  13. I need some advice please around something that happened yesterday, sorry if this is too personal but it surrounds masturbation, I had it in my mind to do this act but just before I started In my eye line I caught sight of a picture of my 4yr old son. I went into a slight panic as to if I should postpone this act as I feel I had seen this picture far too close to the act itself (just a couple of minutes) I also thought that if I postpone then I am demonstrating avoidance, so I thought that then best thing to do was proceed as planned. However I worried about this picture of my son popping into my head during and at the 'final' moment, and lo and behold it did. I am now worrying if this picture was the reason I did this whole act in the first place and that was the real motivation for me, did I do the right or wrong thing by proceeding with this act? I am confused and worrying that it means my worst fears and I may be a p. Should I have not done it or done it? I suspect I should have proceeded but not ruminated over this picture or questions afterwards? I practise many safety behaviours around this topic, I always make sure I am in a position to shower straight afterwards, so I can wash my parts and hands thoroughly. I won't do this act if I have to pick my son up from pre-school that day as I worry that is the real reason for me doing it and that there may be some substances still on my hands when I go into the building and that I am deliberately spreading this substance at the pre-school. I also tend to do this act in the bathroom only as I can flush anything away immediately. I usually tend to make sure my wife and son are out as well. On the rare occasions they are in I put the shower on to help drown out their voices, I have been known to try and hum to myself or put toilet paper in my ears incase the shower noise is not enough to do this. I always wash my hands many many times for the rest of the day despite having had a thorough shower. I am sorry that this is such a personal post, I hope no one is offended by it, in my mind I was trying to do some kind of ERP but not very successfully. Thank you in advance for your feedback.
  14. Hi Draven1, Thanks for taking the time to reply, sorry to hear you suffered with this topic also, I hope your better now . I have an initial telephone appointment a week on Monday and am nervous about that as I worry that for some reason I will not get my point across accurately rather than face to face and that they will mis-understand me. I suppose that is my OCD again. Hopefully I will end up with an understanding and easy to talk to therapist, I do feel I need to conquer this as it's taken too much of my life away.
  15. Hi All, Thank you for the feedback, I am still worrying about seeing the therapist. I will have a telephone call initially with someone to asses the exact issue and I am worried even telling them about things now , never mind without all the stuff from the past. As you will all know confessing for re-assurance is a common trait of OCD, it's a something I do regularly especially with my wife who is basically the only one who knows I have OCD. I suppose it is cos of the subject matter that I am worrying, but like you say I have been seen before with this issue and just have to trust them. Thanks again everyone.