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About Avo

  • Birthday 17/10/78

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  1. Hi Emsie, I think Gemma has summed the situation up well, your a responsible Mum who is wanting the best for her daughter, completely normal and responsible. However your catastrophizing the situation out of all proportion. Googling until 4am, is a massive compulsion I bet if you were feeling tired it won't have helped. I also expect if you daughter is anything like my son they are waking up around 6am which would leave you extremely tired the following day leaving you with almost no sleep, and when your that tired everything seems worse, also checking pictures on your phone is a big compulsion too, you did right deleting them. Leave google alone. As you say it has just caused you more anxiety and distress, the more we try and re-assure ourselves the more doubtful we become. Make the rest of today a google free zone. I hope things are feeling a bit better for you as the day goes on? Avo
  2. For me the realisation that doing our compulsions keeps us stuck and makes OCD stronger. Compulsions may provide temporary relief but it does a lot of damage long term. OCD gives us a false belief that the compulsions are necessary and actually helpful. its a bit like a bully taking money off you, just a few pence at first and this keeps the bully happy however it then wants a bit more, and a bit more until your giving the bully bigger amounts each time. Eventually your struggling to afford what the bully wants. Understanding how OCD works has been really useful for me, so too the ERP I have been engaging in. I still have a away to go but I feel in a much better place than say 6 months ago. I have to guard against complacency though as I have slipped back before.
  3. Well done lost, you didn't perform a compulsion despite it being difficult. Hope your enjoying your drink.
  4. Sorry guys.

    Hi Lost Sorry you going through hard times at the moment, if you need to lean on people here then that's fine by us. Never feel bad for that. nice to have you back Avo
  5. Hi Emsie, I am glad your feeling better this evening and hope you managed to resist the compulsion? I also sympathise with your long wait for CBT,( I remember you posting about it a few months back, I hope its not too much longer). I have had a few different bouts of CBT over the years my longest wait in another part of the country from where I live now I had to wait about 18 months. Where I now live for my current CBT I was lucky and waited just a few weeks, postcode lottery indeed. Have you tried any books on OCD In terms of help while your waiting? I know break free from OCD is a good one to read, so to the four steps, I think both can be bought via OCD UK. I think understanding OCD as much as possible is (hopefully!) giving me a proper understanding of the disorder. Party was good thanks, my son was 5 last week and he seemed to have a nice time with his friends, he has just started school and is finding the adjustment from pre-school a bit tough going so it was nice to see him having fun. I did find myself exposed to some of my worries which has been good -I think? if a little stressful. Good to hear your sounding a bit better. Avo
  6. Hi Emsie, Sorry your struggling, as you say yourself performing another compulsion will provide only temporary relief, but in no time at all you will probably want to do another one and then another one etc. The more you give to OCD the it wants to take. It's never satisfied it just gets more and more greedy. Sorry for short reply as I have to go now as I have to attend my son's birthday party we have to get to the venue to set things up. It may test my own fears so should hopefully be productive on that score! but just wanted to say try to resist the compulsion, the urge will decrease over time. maybe try and plan something for your day as a distraction too? Avo
  7. Sorry guys.

    Hi Lost, sorry to hear your struggling so much, I wish you well. Please remember that these boards are about give and take and if you need the support rather than giving it then that's what people are here for. Your doing nothing wrong by leaning on us. Don't be away too long, all the best Avo
  8. I have only ever been on 2 medications, Citalopram and Fluoxetine Citalopram - the side effects were mainly feeling sick for a few days but after that I don't recall them making any difference Fluoxetine- the side effects were more severe than citalopram, dry mouth, extreme fatigue and a low level headache, I do feel however once over this they have made a difference, I am on 40mg a day, I find I am calmer, less snappy and just a little lighter and balanced. I started on 20mg a day and when I stepped the dosage up to 40mg I didn't find the transition that bad, slight dry mouth again but nothing like starting on them from scratch. My wife has also noticed a difference in me on Fluoxetine, she said she realised she was walking on egg shells around me a bit before hand. It didn't reduce my OCD symptoms but has helped in the 'water wings' way to help engage with my latest round of CBT which I am a few months into it. Hope this helps.
  9. Fair play to Becca for discussing such a sensitive OCD theme. She deserves a lot of credit for taking the time and having the courage to do so. She was very articulate too. Massive respect to her.
  10. An excellent post, sums up the disorder so well.
  11. Hi lost, Sorry to hear about your tummy issues, I have been struggling with some kind of virus for the last couple of weeks, can't seem to quite shake it off, I do a physical job so maybe I am not getting quite enough rest. Glad you have a good perspective on a set back, it will pass and can be used as a teaching tool for the future. I am doing OK on my cbt hierarchy I think I am at last getting a proper understanding of the disorder and how to tackle it. All the best, Avo
  12. Hello lost, Please don't put yourself down, your grammar seems fine to me and also the content of what you say. I too am a bit reluctant to post often out of worrying about saying the right thing and being articulate enough to get my point across. St Mike summed this up perfectly with his story, plus ultimately we are on here to help and encourage each other in our 'battle' with Ocd. I value the time regulars take to post on these forums I have learned alot from just reading these boards it's what makes them so good. So keep posting is my advice. Hope your keeping well today. Avo
  13. A wild memory appears

    Hi Californiadreaming, Checking your old texts was a compulsion and this adds further doubt to the situation. Sounds like your ruminating loads as well which is also a compulsion and this is making you doubt things even more. You need to not look at old texts again, and attempt to stop the ruminating (I admit it's not always easy, I ruminate way too much it's my biggest compulsion). You said yourself this is adding fuel to the fire, OCD is making you beat yourself up trying to find an answer, people without OCD would almost certainly have forgotten about this text and moved on. you should attempt to do the same. There is a thread on here started by Taurean about stopping ruminating, its maybe worth having a read of that?
  14. Hi Lost, Thank you, I have read what you wrote to Emsie. I am so used to ruminating not had OCD as long as you but I reckon about 18 to 20 years or so. A thought popped into my head today and I panicked and started to try and debate with it and go over a scenario in my mind, something about an event in a few days. Before I knew it I had wasted several minutes on this topic. I knew logically this was the worst thing I could do but was not entirely sure how to go about stopping it. This in turn made me stressed and the scenario catastrophized in my mind. Eventually I think I got distracted and forgot for a while, but I know ideally I can't rely on distraction as a solution, dealing with it myself is the way forward. I am going to try this from now on, fingers crossed with practise I can perfect it. Thank you for your support on this, it's much appreciated.
  15. Rumination is my biggest compulsion, I have been doing it too much today over a random intrusive thought about something, its so hard to resist when you have been thinking like this for years. I will try and use this technique. Thanks for posting it Taurean.