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Avo

OCD-UK Member
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Everything posted by Avo

  1. Hi . Sorry to hear about your covid. I am just recovering from covid at the moment. It's the second time I have had it. I think it's part of life now and probably everyone will get it at some point if they haven't already. Some will get it several times over the years. Take things easy and rest. It's the best thing. Hopefully your symptoms will be minor.
  2. what is your favourite song to play on the guitar NLL? i have no musical ability and envy those who have.
  3. So sorry to hear this nll. I hope your son is ok. It's a horrible thing that has happened to him.
  4. Sadly NLL that wouldn't work. I wish it would as it would make OCD much less horrible . No amount of confessing is ever enough if you have OCD. The more confessing you do the more you feel you want to confess and the cycle continues. same with any type of compulsion. its possible to get better that's the good news. you can get there NLL never forget that fact.
  5. I prefer patient in this context. Client I have always found a little cringy and overused. It's definitely more of business orientated word I feel as well.
  6. NLL your wife is really treating you badly here. I wonder if she has processed what has happened with her sister. i think she needs to address this however there is no excuse for what she is doing its bordering on domestic abuse in my opinion. She has issues i think she needs to deal with. I do wonder if some kind of time apart would benefit you both. i don't know how practical that is for you. can you stay with relatives for a few days?
  7. NLL i have been reading this thread but as yet have not commented on it. Thought i would add my bit though now. The fantasies are not the problem. They really aren't. its been said so many times but you have to believe it. I get your wife doesn't want to hear them, would you want to hear your wife saying things about close male friends / acquaintances of yours. Almost certainly not. that wouldn't make her wrong by the way if she did have these fantasies its her private thoughts and that's ok. I would say your wife is in a minority if she genuinely does not have fantasies of her own. from reading the thread from what i understand you did cheat on your wife a few years back. As a couple have you ever properly addressed that? have you moved forward ? have you agreed to at forgive and forget? or tackle the issues surrounding that events? it seems to me that your wife's insecurities stem from that, However that doesn't mean things can't improve. You confessing is probably building on that event. However people can get past affairs if its right for the couple involved. have you properly addressed that as a couple? has she properly addressed that. please believe us when we say its not the fantasies that are the issue, its your need to confess. all it does is make things worse. say for example you wrote a letter to your wife noting in detail every fantasy you had ever had about every woman. i almost guarantee that you would feel relief but only short term. you would start to worry if you had somehow missed some of the detail - or want to re-read the letter to make yourself certain you had included everything. your would probably re-read the letter many times and that would become a compulsion in itself. compulsions NEVER work. EVER. they make things worse it sounds a bit counter-intuitive but the approach required is not to confess - but most importantly you need to find a way to stop the rumination, the constant replaying of the fantasies and the self loathing. i speak as someone who has similar concerns to you. i get where you are coming from. i do sympathise but mate you are beating yourself up when there is no need. there really isn't . try and take the advice of many on here about this - we are not lying, we are telling you what you think about is normal. and quite possibly quite tame in the scheme of things. Do you honestly deep down think that other people do not have fantasies about other people? and i suspect alot of them are much more extreme than yours! But if the situation is to change YOU have to be the one to start to make it happen. how can you begin to make that happen? the good news about OCD is that its something that with the right approach is possible to tackle and recover from. never forget that. its not terminal with the right approach you can get better.
  8. Hi Ashley thanks for being so open. I too have a massive fear oven semen. Its still my biggest issue along with the act that produces it. I am receiving CBT at the moment. I can't fathom why it is such a concern for me.
  9. Hi Summer, i am sorry to hear about what is happening. Life can be tough and throw OCD into the mix it can be really tough. My advice job wise - i think speaking to ACAS is a good idea. they could give you advice from a legal point of view. I would keep what they say in mind don't tell your company upfront you have spoken to them, use it as an option if your initial concerns aren't responded to. Its difficult as you want to protect yourself but at the same time try and stay onside with your company. revealing you have spoken to ACAS immediately may get their backs up. keep ACAS as the plan B . my initial thoughts were if they are expecting you to cover the department for until a new person is found you should be paid more than your apprentice wages to acknowledge the extra responsibility. Is there someone you can speak with in your organisation about what is expected of you? you could say something along the lines of " i will do my best until someone is found but i feel i need some back up as well as i don't have the relevant experience to run the department alone. " is the volume of work an issue too as well as the experience factor too? could you ask for a temp to be brought in to help you handle the volume? i think its always best to try and approach things in a positive way and show your willingness to help this may make the company more receptive to you and your concerns. if you get through the next couple of months it would really make your standing in the company rise. hope this makes sense!
  10. The guy sounds like he acted disproportionately and i can understand you reacting angrily to him. I would be the same. Some people are just very unpleasant. I would now try and get on with my day, he has probably forgotten about the incident already.
  11. We have just finished the first episode of series 3. I will look out for what you mention snowbear. hope to get to that episode in the next few days.
  12. It also occurred to me that sighting OCD as a reason for your probation being extended may mean he is on dodgy ground. It could be worth looking into things to do with the equality act. His attitude towards his girlfriend suggests he is rather shallow ! And quite immature.
  13. I agree with SnowBear Summer. Pro-actively seek feedback over coming months on the things you have been asked to improve on. a good work ethic and a good attitude to learning is a big asset, and one that many people lack. it sounds like you have these . My wife works in HR, i could always ask her if its a technical issue you are struggling with. she has been in HR for around 20 years so has a good amount of experience.
  14. Hi Summer Have a nice Birthday, you are only 20, with plenty of life ahead of you. Enjoy the meal - hopefully someone else is treating you?
  15. my understanding is that Asbestos left undisturbed is harmless. its quite common in many buildings.
  16. The thing is NLL, if you confess then it will bring only temporary relief. OCD never ever goes away by confessing, it gets stronger You need to try and get a handle on your ruminating. I think you know that logically but you are in such a muddled state of thinking it distorts things.
  17. they are thoughts and images you have attached meaning to, that's the problem. not the fantasies themselves. its your reaction to them. you really need to try and find a way to stop ruminating. it distorts everything . if you can do that the anxiety they bring will start to fade away.
  18. Sorry the Samaritans didn't seem to help, you could always try again and see who you get. You could try and contact this charity too? .
  19. The biggest compulsion you are performing at the moment is rumination. Confessing will do you no good. you will feel better briefly but it will just make you want to confess more. you wife will have had fantasies too, if she claims not then I don't believe her. every human on the planet has them. the only difference between them and someone with OCD is that they will have them and move on immediately, not give them a second thought. with OCD we agonise over them and ruminate endlessly about them. this distorts them as they have done for you. I think you know this deep down but are caught in the midst of a massive OCD episode. give the Samaritans a call .
  20. Don't do anything silly, you are in the grips of OCD that has distorted your thinking too much. my advice would be call the Samaritans 116 123. the issue isn't your fantasies, its your distorted thinking around them . your wife has distorted thinking around them too. call the Samaritans - don't do anything silly.
  21. This is a very interesting thread, I can definitely relate I have been reflecting recently on what I think my OCD may have taken from me, and how it has shaped my current circumstances. I have definitely under achieved career wise, I feel I am a capable person who has been undermined by their OCD, consuming me and taking away from my focus on life. meaning I have been limited not by ability but by the amount of energy OCD has taken from me. I feel the general anxiety that OCD creates has made me much less resilient than ideally I would like to be. I have spent years in the grip of OCD suffering and having my quality of life impacted. I admit I have been fortunate in some ways with my OCD, it has not stopped me working which it can do with many people. I have been able to function though its been close sometimes, Marry and I have 1 child. it has and can be all consuming and has put massive strain on my relationship with my wife. but its been much less severe than many people on the boards have experienced. I agree with Snowbear about trying to shape the life you have to live, we can't change the past . Also its very easy to assume everyone else has it made and is coping just fine with life , possibly exaggerated by social media these days. Its not likely to be the case and its not healthy I feel to try and judge ourselves by what others have either materialistically or otherwise.
  22. I have just been reading the thread Nolightleft. I really do sympathise, I struggle massively with the whole fantasy thing. the whole age appropriate thing, if someone is over the age of consent but in some cases 20 years younger (i am 43 years old) and the whole masturbation thing and so on. I have confessed numerous times to my wife. The confessing is not a good thing, its not you being honest, its you doing massive compulsions . its helping nobody. its hurting your wife and you. She doesn't want or need to here it, and you are continuing your own mental torture by doing so. you are not being kind to anyone by confessing The wrong doing here is you ruminating over the thoughts and fantasies. if you can get to grips with that you can really turn your life around and that of your wife. she would have a happy and healthy husband and you would be in a significantly better place.
  23. what a great message snow bear, you have a flair for explaining things so clearly and succinctly. . I completely agree with everything you say. please do let us know of any replies.
  24. I heard this lad interviewed on radio 5 live drive time show. I normally rate the presenters on that slot but it seemed to be more about name dropping the celebrities he washed the cars for - footballers and the swooning over the high end cars they owned. it seemed to trivialise OCD. I would be interested to hear what type of response you get Ashley.
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