connordyer98

Hey everyone, I hope you're all well. Near the start of the month, I discussed my anxiety and found that my need to constantly look up the answers to questions related to personal anxiety definitely seems to be linked with OCD. I feel that I understand that this has been compulsive behaviour for years now, and realising this, I appreciate how difficult it it for others with compulsions to break away from them. I feel like I try to find the answers online, or better yet, try to find someone whose had similar doubts and anxieties as me who I can look for advice in. Though since taking the advice, I have really pushed to limit and avoid researching questions every time I have an anxious thought that I can't solve. I actually feel at times that I'm starting to notice a difference, though at the moment I guess (and please tell me if I'm explaining this wrong) that I'm going through withdrawal type symptoms from not doing the compulsions? Though I know I'll feel a bit anxious and not myself every now and then, I think I'll end up being better in the long run. It'll certainly help me focus on the here and now, rather than worrying about an uncertain future. Thanks for reading! Connor

Hey there! Yeah I've had similar experiences in the past when I was younger. Whenever my heart beated really hard, or I heard a beating heart; I'd be on edge. A weird one for me was the sound of baby cries used to really make me emotional and sensitive. Both these examples for me sound similar to what you suggest. It could well be an OCD link, but I can't say how long the OCD and Anxiety has been there for. Sounds can often be a trigger to anxiety and strange feelings. So yeah, I'd say I've experienced similar, but not to a massive degree, but enough to notice it.

I think my problem is also that the anxiety is really difficult to stop, even after I make a decision. I feel like I catastrophise a lot of my thoughts, which one of my targets for this year is to reduce the level of catastrophising thinking that I do, and to reduce the impact it has on me. I get very sensitive to anxiety, and I can very quickly get physically ill and flustered. Like when I struggled with the university decision last year, I was nearly physically sick and I broke down in tears. I just get so afraid of my anxiety sometimes, even when I feel like I've accepted it. I feel kind of stuck right now, even though I'm in a position where I really shouldn't feel that way. I have a job and a home; and I should be happy. I just can't avoid thinking about my future without catastrophising and being terrified. I just really want to forget about things that aren't affecting me, I want that "take things day by day attitude" rather than an attitude dominated by fear of an uncertain future that I know I can't predict, but I still worry.

Hey guys, thanks for the amazing answers. It feels like compulsion now that I look at it, sometimes I just feel like I'm making decisions based upon other people's expectations rather than my own. When I have to make decisions, I get this weird internal argument; with one side asking "is anxiety affecting my judgement", one saying "do I even want this decision?" And the last being "Am I choosing this based on others expectations?" Sometimes I feel that I have a very warped sense of decision making, where I don't necessarily feel in control of certain decisions and choices. When im leaning towards one decision, I can quickly feel guilt because it might be going against other people's expectations and hopes.

Hey there everyone. I've had this recurring theme of anxiety related to my future for a while now, and I wonder if my methods for stopping or at least keeping it at bay is like a compulsion, and any advice on how I could treat this would be amazing! I'll give an example: I'll get a thought in my head like "Oh Im really scared about the possibility of moving away from home and living independently, what can I do?" I'll spend time trying to find articles on the internet on the topic of 18 year olds scared of moving out, or how people think of living at home at older ages. No matter what, I struggle with being completely at ease with my current situation. I almost feel like I must research these things so that I can have an idea of what to expect in the future. Though sometimes this can have negative effects. I read one article with people saying how those living at home in their 20's are lazy and it is a negative thing to live with family when you should be independent. My anxiety kicks in and I can be like "How can I be independent, I don't want to leave home, but I keep searching these things anyway. Why can't I shut out the anxiety and let things be rather than worrying about the next step?!" Do you think it would help if I stop the searching on these topics? I just struggle so much with the concept of the future; especially if I'm asked what my plans for the future are. I sometimes feel like I'll be judged for saying im really not sure; and even saying that and dwelling on it makes me anxious. I just end up sometimes labelling myself as a bit of a failure and behind other people, which can hit my self esteem. I don't want to actually move out my house! I only just moved into a bigger room in my house!

I decided to not go to University this year, which was one of the toughest decisions I've ever had to make. I'd be lying if I said Anxiety didn't have anything to do with it. But even though it feels like OCD and anxiety can take away so many opportunities, it can also present unexpected chances for the future. Taurean summed it up best. Acceptance. There's a new year ahead, and nobody can predict what new chances can come up. But the main thing is that you are recognising where you have been impacted. This is a very brave thing to do, especially to others. Now you can focus on what you might to next year! Just don't let the anxiety that might cause get in the way of a hopefully relaxing holiday. It's always important to slow down, and it's often holidays that give us the chance to do just that, even if that can be tricky a lot of the time. I wish you the best for next year! Connor

Hey Taurean. Thats very encouraging to hear, and it just shows that this site has done and continues to bring people together to help each other out. No one should ever have to face an anxiety disorder like OCD alone. I wish you all the best for 2017!

Hey everyone. I've thought about when I should write this and I think now would be a good time! I wanted to start by saying thank you to OCD UK. This site/forum came to me at a time this year when things for me were at the absolute worst, and this excellent resource kicked off a period of 4 months this year where I have learnt more about myself than I ever have before. August 22nd for me was a life changing day. I thought I was crazy, that my thoughts related to violence were going to make me someone I wasn't. I honestly thought I was going to be hospitalised. It was only after a scary talk I had with my mum, that my family found this site, and everything that had caused me massive anxiety over the past 3 years of my life seemed to make sense. Last Christmas, I had a real nasty time with OCD thoughts I didn't even know could be OCD. I was ill, afraid; and out of much hope for the future. 2016 has been the year I turned 18, and it would be an understatement to say this year has been a rollercoaster! 1. I've spoken in Parliament on national television. 2. I've had many breakdowns about my future and how I'd ever cope with growing with so much anxiety. 3. I passed all my A-Levels! 4. I've begun to accept that I may always life with anxiety, but that doesn't have to affect me as a person! 5. I've shared so many stories with people across the country, and I've worked to improve Mental Health provision in local schools. 6. I chose not to go to university. The pressure to go was immense, and I piled so much on myself, trying to hard to be the perfect student. I felt as if this was a decision the school was forcing everyone to do, without really showing other alternatives! This has been one of my toughest ever challenges. 7. I've got a full time job at my old school, helping kids with learning disabilities! This has helped my confidence so much. And on a side note I learned that doing an apprenticeship in bar work wasn't for me! Sorry if this has become a bit of a long post, and I definitely don't want to come off as one of those "My life is so much better than yours." kind of people. I just hope this little bit about myself might show that OCD and Anxiety might feel like an endless tunnel, with no easy exit or detour; but you can keep going and sometimes it can really hide how much progress you can make in life. So again, I wanted to say a massive thank you to this forum and everyone who works with OCD UK and all the contributors that give up their time to help other people. Any post and share of our experiences is a testament to how strong people with Anxiety Disorders truly are. Have a great Christmas everyone, and I hope you have a happy new year! Connor

Hey again. As Polarbear rightly said, assume it to be OCD related. I was so unbelievably scared when I didn't know about OCD, anything on the news would be a trigger and the harm related thoughts would be abundant! I thought I would become a monster, and I thought that the thoughts may even be linked to other more personal things such as sexual fantasy and the type of things I enjoy like video games and films. It will take time to remove the sting of Harm OCD thoughts. It took me 2+ years to get to the stage that Polarbear has described. But this website really did start my journey to understanding OCD.

Jampot, I feel your pain so much. When you're at your worst with OCD, you can seriously start to worry that your thoughts relate you to the awful acts you hear in the news. I was the same as you for a very long time. I remember studying School Shootings in my A-Levels, and it was a massive anxiety trigger. I literally scared myself into believing that my harm related thoughts meant that I was going to become like them. This was before I learnt about having OCD. It made me sick in the stomach. It felt like there was nobody to talk to, and that if anyone ever found out about my thoughts; I would be cast out and considered evil. The opposite happened. After an awful bout of anxiety caused by the very thing you have talked about, I cried my eyes out in front of my family and told them that I worried that I was going to be violent towards them, and that like the people in the news; I would turn crazy. At first, my mum was obviously very afraid; and I felt awful! But after I spent a day out worrying that I was going to be hospitalised and my life was over, my parents found this website, and we had the biggest hug I think I've ever had! I learnt that the thoughts of harm and constant worry about them was meaningless. The thoughts never reflected who I was as a person. Knowledge is the best medicine. I thought I was going to turn evil, but I know that will never be the case! I hope this helps, and let me know if you have any other questions! Connor

Thank you for this, these are both great contributions! I'll keep this saved so that I can come back and read whenever I need a reminder. But I think learning to change my outlook is a good first step. I do have that everything is a barrier mind set that isn't helpful, but I know I'll get past it. Thanks for taking the time to answer! Connor

Thanks for the response Polar Bear. I know this isn't related to OCD but this forum always gives great anxiety advice in general. Coupled with my anxiety disorders in general, I'm just really scared of adulthood. Just the thoughts of different possible responsibilities and the idea of becoming more independent freaks me out. My main problem is that rather than enjoying the moment and what I have succeeded in; I tend to think "What's next?" and I worry myself a lot about the scary changes that are in store. When I hear all the bad things about adulthood and money, it doesn't exactly help me feel at ease about it, especially since I get so anxious!

Hey all! I have this small anxiety at the moment, I just wanted to share it to see if anyone had advice/thoughts. I've been very fortunate to have been given a full time job at my school for my age. I get paid £7 an hour and I work a 5 day week. So I earn good money for my age and I'm also fortunate to live in a household that doesn't have many problems, which I know isn't the same for most places. Ive spoken to my Mum and Step Dad and agreed that I should given them £40 a month for housekeeping. I know that this is fine and actually I thought that I'd be giving them more but as they understand that I get very anxious with change they don't charge me much! Plus as I stated we don't have too many money issues. (On a side note I really hope I'm not coming off as boasting based on money as it is a sensitive subject!) I just feel really strange giving money to my family for living with them. I know that it's definitely the right thing to do but I just have this little niggling feeling that I don't like doing it. I'm scared that I'm being a selfish person, but I feel it's just my anxiety playing me up like usual. I will be paying my first bit of housekeeping very soon. Any thoughts? Connor

Not eating and sleeping, you sound a lot like me! It's the worst when you can't eat, especially when you know that you need to. But if you've had this experience before, like I definitely have, you'll break that awful cycle.

I'll tell you about my story and where I've been because of it! Ive had Anxiety for over 3 years, but it's probably affected me for longer than that. I was 15 when I got hit by Anxiety and it was like hell for me. I was constantly sick, I'd lost a lot of weight and this was occurring at the height of my GCSE exams too! I spent all my study leave sick without knowing what was affecting me, and it was only after a while that I got diagnosed by a doctor with anxiety and given counselling by a local charity counsellor. I got back on my feet and it got to 2015 and I was recovering. It was in February when my life changed, after I saw an advert for the Isle of Wight (where I live) looking for a Youth MP, who acts as a voice for young people between 11 - 18. I campaigned against 6 others and I won the campaign with 42% of the vote. Because of this role, I have and continue to do a lot to advocate for Mental Health and young people on my island. I've been around the country, including the House of Commons where I got to do a speech on Racism in front of 400 people alongside it being televised! I've spoken on government committees and I've even reformed youth mental health in schools on the island, and I did this whilst battling through my anxiety. It was only this year when I was on a trip to York that I had intrusive violent thoughts (a trouble throughout my anxiety) bad enough that I needed to see the doctor again. I've only been aware of my OCD for around 3 months, but the knowledge I have now gives me the confidence to keep going. I still feel a lot of anxiety, and I punish myself a lot inside even though I already do a lot. But I still keep going and I feel so lucky to have had amazing adventures. Even though the Anxiety is a burden, I can't deny that it has also had positive effects on who I am today. Connor