paulfoel

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  1. Thanks PB. I just wanted to check whether being tough is the right way. But to be honest, I can see no other way. Wife and I had a chat the other day. Some of the things we can give him a bit of slack to deal with in his own time, but, some, as I've mentioned above pretty much need to stop. Yes think CBT is needed. I think hes just getting "counselling" but it does seem to cheer him up a bit if nothing else. With telling me though we've tried. We've tried to be nice and say, look there is really no need to spray the bathroom all the time, like there is no need to wipe it down all the time.Also, that we can't have him leaving it wet because its a hazard and also stuffing everything down the toilet WILL block it. Same with his sister. We've said look shes not dirty. He seems a bit strange with this. Most of it seems to be because, in his head, she "touches her bits" which makes it dirty. Must admit I havent noticed. I guess in a way a teenage by may be a but uncomfortable with his 4 year old sister (whos just like a normal 4 year old and doesnt care about being naked etc - probably perfectly normal). But with these things, we've tried probably 3/4 times - same thing again. Its getting to the point where we're going to have to consider hiding things like the spray etc. Its one thing to not allow him but another to stop him. H
  2. Not a criticism at all. As from other posts, our 13 year old son has been diagnosed. We're waiting for referal. In the meantime, we're also paying for counselling. Not sure about the counselling - all we get from her is "it takes time" but no issues seem to be being addressed at all. Understand that you're not supposed to accomodate behaviour for someone with OCD but thats easier said than done. But how do you do this with a 13 yr old? We've tried to be a bit understanding but hes got worse and worse At what point do you have to say enough is enough when it starts to have a serious impact on other family members? It came to a head this weekend and he pretty much physically threatened his mother. We don't want to do it wrong and make it worse for him but he doesn't seem to be making much effort at all to help himself. He never talks to us and it seems to be the case if I want to do this I will regardless of everyone else. Should be be more firm? Without phsically restraining him its going to be a problem. He now only use one toilet in the house (we have three). Same with the shower. He asked for anti-bac wipes, and spray. But he goes overboard and literally soaks everywhere. Turns the room into a bit of health hazard. Same with other parts of the house - if hes there he'll soak it with spray. He wont spray and wipe but prefers to leave it wet because he likes it like. Floor, furniture everything. We've slipped on the floor - inc his little 4 yr old sister. He wont put wipes or anthing in the bin - its got go in toilet, fllor wipes, rubber gloves the lot. As with the floor soaking we've told him he can't do that. It WILL block the toilet and then he wont have his toilet. What do we do? On the subject of his little sister, he is now really mean to turn? Will literally not go within 10 yards of her because he says she "dirty". Shes getting upset because, of course, she doesnt understand. I suppose OCD is difficult to understand for people who don't have it. Biggest confusion for us is that his bedroom is literally a pig sty (like all teenagers Im sure). Same for his personal hygiene (its not great). In his bedroom he never cleans or sprays or never gets concerned about his own cleanliness. It just when hes in other parts of the house and everyone else cleanliness.
  3. Thanks Snow - yes I never had problems as a kind only when I was an adult. Agree what you say about teenagers! Its our first "teenager" so hes difficult to deal with by default as you say. Thanks for the info.
  4. How do OCD sufferers feel when they're issues affect others? As a sufferer of really bad depression/anxiety in the past it really used to worry me that my behaviour was affecting others. Yes it does make you not think straight a lot of the time, but I usually used to notice and make an effort to not to. How would it work for some of you if what you were doing affected other people? Don't mind so much serious things but, things which caused hassle for others, inconvenience. generally affected them too. Would you be trying not to do this? See my posts about teenage son. Only just diagnosed but it appears to have been happening for years and I want to know how to approach it because I find it difficult to see whats OCD and whats him being awkward.
  5. Bore Da Snowbear. Shwyd ych chi? :-) Its difficult in public. I guess you can't physically drag a 13 yr old out of somewhere. To be honest, hes been doing the toilet thing for years. Of course, we didn't realise he had problems before with OCD. To be honest, its a mixture of all three things I think. He needs extra time but he makes no effort to think about anyone else and Im sure sometimes does it on purpose to prove a point. In the past, we've had to miss things and spent a long time just waiting around because he was in the toilet. Hes got a 4 year old sister so its not so easy for her to understand. Yes this year. we're all going to have mobile phones to use so we do plan to just leave him and say call us when he tries it this year. Its a big place but we go every year so hes been probably 10-11 times so "should" know his way around. As I've said hes not the most mature 13 year old though so he probably will get lost because he hasn't got the sense to look at the park map or something. Not so easy in a restaurant or when somewhere is closing.Number of times we've waited and waited after paying the bill. Worst ever was in a theme park sort of place called Folly Farm (in west wales) a few years ago. It was the end of the day and closing - he decided he needed to go. We sat outside in giftshop. After 15 mins went inside to find him - one cubical with a queue building. Of course, place was closing so all these kids wanted to go before leaving. Kids were hopping around, parents were glaring at me. No matter what I said to him, told him people were waiting, he point blank refused to come out until he was ready. In the end, it was over an hour. I spent the time apologising. Everyone had left - the park manager and cleaner were standing there too not impressed. Spoke to him about it and his attutude was pretty much don't give a monkeys and if I need to spend that amount of time in there then thats whats going to happen and not my problem about everyone else. Of course, at the time, we didnt know he had this problem but still...
  6. Thanks SnowBear. I guess you're right. Finding it really tough though. Its not so easy when its all combined with a terrible teenager "bad attitude" to everything. Any attempts to "encourage him" end up with him losing his temper. Some things fair enough, can be sorted out in time (e.g. hand washing etc), some things are a bit awkward, but then there are other things which have an affect on the family (he won't go near his little sister - whos 4 - and often tells her to get away from him). This is difficult because she doesnt understand and gets upset. Also, things are not helped because his attitude seems to be, so what, I'll go to counselling but his attitude seems to be "well if I dont like doing x then I wont do it, no big deal". He seems to be making very little effort at all to help himself. Know for a fact that counsellor gave him "homework" to do and he hasnt bothered. On holidays in three weeks. Challenge is going to be toilets when we're away. Were staying in villa so we should be ok - he can have his own toilet (or should we discourage that?) but theres hotel at airport and 8 hours on a plane. Then we've got toliets in restaurants/Disney. In the past, this has been a real problem - we've had to literally drag him out of the toliet in the past when we've waited outside (in the 90 degree heat) when hes been in there for up to an hour. How do we handle that? In the past no amount of us being nice to him and explaining that he needs to be quicker or telling him hes in trouble if hes not quciker have done anything - he just does what he wants regardless of anything else. I think thats the problem at the moment. I appreciate he has a problem but Im still not convinced that part of it is not him being awkward because he can. The toilet thing always get worse when we ask him to be quick. Its as if hes proving to us that he has the power and can stay in there as long as he likes. Hes never apologetic about it and never seems hurry. In the past hes been in the toilet for some time and even when he gets out we've seen him meandering along back to where we are as slow as you like. Always his attitude is "tough luck it takes that long".
  7. Thanks Ashley. Yes I understand that but we'd also like to know whats going on. Difficulty we're finding at the moment is how we should handle things at home. Should we be telling him he can't do these things or letting him do it?
  8. One other thing. Counsellor says sessions are private. Not sure about this. Hes 13 (and a very immature 13). I'd have liked to know how things are going. Is this normal that sessions like this are private?
  9. Thanks all. Well, he agreed to go to a counselling session with someone who specialises in teen OCD. Not sure if its CBT based though :-( On the plus side, he agreed to go and seemed a lot happier when he came out. If nothing else, I guess its someone to talk to things about because he wont talk to us because we're his parents. Its difficult, as you say, to decide how to do things. Be supportive but not support the OCD thinking. At the moment, we're at a stage where certain things we are letting go, but others we are being a bit stricter on. The anti-bac gel - I hear what you say but that seems a small thing to make him happy and, as you say, lots of people do this. BUT, we won't let him be off with his little sister - shes only 4 and doesnt understand and gets upset. I must admit its difficult for us to understand. He now won't walk through a certain doorway (two doors into the kitchen), and will walk long way around. He will then skirt around the edge of the kitchen (not sure why the middle is an issue). Same with living room - he wont stand on the rug.I think some of it may be due to our cats - they do tend to pee on things like curtain sometimes.... BUT his bedroom is still a tip. Its borderline health hazard. For some reason hes gone from 30 min showers to not having a shower at all. To be honest, hes filthy and we've got to force him to wash now. I dont understand this. Problems I can see on holidays are mainly toilet related. Its going to be difficult if he decides he doesnt like the toilet on the plane. Or when we're in the park, we can't let him take 45-60 mins in the toilet (hes done this before). Or when we're in a restaurant. Should we be firm here? In the past we have been and have literally had to go into the toilet to get him out. Ends up in a massive argument when he refuses.
  10. South Wales. How long did you wait if you dont mind me asking?
  11. Our son is the same. He gets very aggressive and upset when hes concerned about something. At the moment, we're probably doing it wrong. Some things we've probably allowed him to do but there are others we can;t allow (like freaking when his little sister touches him). We dom't want to be mean to him but wonder whether we should be firm or not?
  12. Son has seen GP whos referred him to CAMS? I hear the waiting list is long. Son is pretty bad at the moment and getting worse. Do they tend to prescribe medication for young people? Thing are pretty bad at the moment- he seems to be getting worse on a daily basis. What can we do?
  13. Thanks PB. I have heard that you're not supposed to validate the things that someone with OCD does. OK, maybe incorrectly, we thought, it is worth helping with the little things that are no problem. After all, a lot of people like to use things like alcohol gel and are perfectly fine. However, we've realised that some things are just impossible. To be honest, we don't know how to handle. Examples:- 1. Worse thing is he wont let other people touch him. OK personal choice but he freaks if it happens and pretty much scrubs his hands/arms. 2. He now wont let his little sister touch him which is upsetting her because he says shes dirty - but she doesn't understand and gets upset. 3. He spends ages in the toliet. You just can't get him out. Not so much of a problem at home but when we're out (e.g. restaurant) it means the whole family is waiting for him. Its all well and good not validating but how do we stop this behaviour? Do we tell him to cut it out? Do we get angry? Its difficult sometimes especially when he upsets his little sister. At the back of our minds, theres always the thought that some of this is just bad behaviour from him and just being awkward for the sake of it. Who knows. Going on holidays in 5-6 weeks. 8 hour plane journey, strange villa, days out. Its going to be tough...
  14. Always been a bit of a quiet lad. For some time,. we noticed issues with excessive hand washing, Its just got worse... We had a talk to him and he seems to stress about dirty bathrooms etc. Also it seems to have moved onto other people - he wont go near people because they are dirty in his eyes. In the past hes got school to call us saying hes ill - now looks like it was a toilet issue and this was an excuse. Hes got worse recently. He wont touch his little sister (4) which upsets her a lot. LAst night he freaked because she touched him and lathered anti-bac gel on his whole arm. We've tried to tell him he cant do that. Also, hes been a bit strange walking in certain rooms - he walks around the edge and jumps over bits. But hes bare foot and wont wear slippers! Think this is a cat pee issue in his head. Conversely, his bedroom is a complete tip. Standard teenager I guess but that doesnt bother him! Also, his personal hygiene could be better- again standard teenager but that doesnt bother him either. Anyway, GP has now referred him but theres a waiting list. However, we're planning to pay for counselling also. We've bought anti-bac gel for the bathrooms, we've spoken to school and he can use disabled toilet in the future (well its summer hols now). I know you're not really supposed to validate his behaviour but these seemed like small things. With regards to his touching other people, well its not a problem for us his parents but his little sister doesnt understand so we're going to have to stop that. We're going on holidays in 5 weeks. So thats 8 hours sitting next to someone on a plane, toilets on the plane, villa, public toilets when we get there. Its not going to be easy! Advice gratefully recieved? Do we pander to him and give him some slack or do we not allow him to be like this? Some of the things we can be a little flexible on but some its just not going to be possible.....
  15. Thanks ww. We are planning to get help. At the moment, first hurdle is getting him there. How do we explain A and B to him?