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About Haayleey96

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  1. So scared

    I hate it too. Thats exactly how i feel! Prior to this i was dealing with my thoughts in my own way, but i now feel that has made it all worse.
  2. Im not sure what happened Taurean, i tried deleting it but then it wouldn't let me type outside the green box :/
  3. Tips for stopping ruminating

    I do this 5,4,3,2,1 method. Name 5 things that you can see. Name 4 things you can touch. Name 3 things you can hear. Name 2 things you can smell. Name 1 thing that you can taste. It really helps to get my mind distracted x
  4. So scared

    I know exactly what you mean JennieWren, i've also had exactly those things happen before. Its terrifying. I need to learn how to do that, how to see it as a sign rather than worry about it. I know exactly what you mean. I say i've had a 'relapse' but have i actually? Or have i just thought i was getting better at dealing with it whilst actually making it worse?
  5. So scared

    Thats exactly what i'm like. I panic, do mental compulsions, can't breathe and shake x
  6. Relapse...

    I usually love watching The Simpsons. I was trying to watch it to distract my mind but this episode was the Halloween episode and Homer is on about killing his family?! He goes into Moe's pub, asks for a beer and Moe replies " not unless you kill your family". It made me feel really uncomfortable & my stomach churn. Thank you Simpsons, really helpful ?NOT.
  7. Not well & new fear.

    You are totally right. I'm taking the tramadol every other day now and when i take it i'm saying to myself 'this is going to make me feel better' and i do, which is odd (i think this is because of the positive mindset i have when im about to take it- believing it will make me feel better). I'm just finding it hard as i told my mum about the problems im facing and she is in denial i have OCD and keeps saying 'you're worse because of being weaned off medication'. It's like she doesn't understand.
  8. So sorry if i am annoying anyone with posts. I have been fine for months and now everything has hit me again. Could be a variety of reasons as to why- im not working, on a lot of medication and currently weaning off Tramadol. My harm thoughts have came back strong. They are there almost all of the time. I know that i'm giving them too much thought but i cannot help but obsess and ruminate Constantly trying to convince myself that i'm not what my thoughts say i am and im not going to do it. Im avoiding sharp knives and scissors (even the words give me the chills). Its so hard though when everything you see on TV these days are crimes. I don't want to sound utterly insane- but there's an ocd voice in my head telling me to do it? And i fight this. I get physical feelings in my hands. I'm so terrified that i'm just going to snap :(. I try saying to myself 'you stayed at your family's house last night and nothing happened' but its not working. My friend is staying at my house tomorrow, just me and her, and i am absolutely terrified of the thought of it. I cannot cope with myself Please help.
  9. Not well & new fear.

    Hi Taurean! Thank you for the great advice. I actually started feeling better whilst taking the Tramadol. Now im being weaned off it and my mental health is all over the place! I can't stop obsessing and ruminating and i'm constantly overthinking. I'm worrying about tomorrow even though it isnt even here yet!
  10. So scared

    Really hard at night time. Usually for me its during the day where im at my worst but last night i was in an environment which my intrusive thoughts are centered around which didn't help. Do you ever get like physical feelings in your hands and things?
  11. So scared

    Thank you HDC. It's about time I dealt with it. I did have failed attempts in the past, but time to try a new place and approach. I'm so sad though as i've had a fabulous time at my mums and now it has came to bed time and the thoughts and urges have came back ive tried word games and things on my phone but nothing is working. I think im distracting as a compulsion? I'm fully aware that i distract myself to stop the thoughts, therefore I get worse and cannot actually concentrate on what i've distracted myself with.
  12. So scared

    I've spoken to a place called Talking Matters. Decided that i can't do it on my own anymore. Its so hard not to engage & distract as even when im trying to distract my mind i know im doing it to get rid of the thought.
  13. My nerves and ocd have been sky jigh recently. I can't help but believe that the harm thoughts and urges are real. I keep trying to convince myself that if i really wanted to hurt the person i would have done it, and not panicked over it. Try to convince myself its not who i am at all. Im just really struggling. Ive been more open with my friends recently about my OCD and they are very supportive. One of them came round to my house today with her father and we spoke openly about it. But when her father was out og the room, i told her my anxiety is sky high and that I had just had an intrusive thought. What didnt help is i received a package while she was here, thay i had to open with scissors. So the whole time they were here the scissors were in the room. Please help me, these thoughts seem so real. Im terrified as im supposed to be going to my family's house later on and I do not want it happening whilst I am there (im already nervous about it) so i do not want to go. But i also do not want to let this stop me from doing things. Please help.
  14. Hi OceanDweller is really sucks doesn't it! As if we already don't have enough to deal with ? That's exactly it, as my my mum would say 'we plod on'. Thank you, I also hope you feel better soon. ?