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Zazoo

Bulletin Board User
  • Content count

    56
  • Joined

  • Last visited

Previous Fields

  • OCD Status
    Sufferer
  • Type of OCD
    Intrusive thoughts/POCD/Checking

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Male
  • Location
    Canada

Recent Profile Visitors

165 profile views
  1. Lily: If there's one thing I've learned over the past year when it comes to sexual type OCD's is that thoughts do not equal actions or intent. I've managed to in the last year get to the point where I was actively avoiding my fear to now being okay and even occasionally comfortable around it/them. The thoughts are scary yes, but that's all they are. If you can confront the fear or at least start too then that's a step forward, it took me along time to do that so remember your not alone. Cheers and hope your okay today.
  2. I've been doing well over the last couple of months despite the death of my mother and the stress of Christmas but new things are now encroaching and I'm starting to feel a lot of new pressure issuing forth from my "third thoughts" including: -The need to find a job when i don't know how I'll mentally deal with it. -Being told that I essentially can't have another breakdown by my dad because he doesn't know how'd he deal with it (my mom who died in October was my main comfort). -A lot of future worries and fears related to my main theme which I've been trying to ignore but its gotten harder. I know I have a future but some days man, some days. -The 1st year anniversary of my "breakdown" is coming up and its terrifying me, the memories of how powerful it was have been creeping back and I'm scared. Its the constant fight that's been getting to me recently, its just so damn exhausting at times and while I'm dealing with the day to day stuff okay, I'm worried about maintaining it long term and not breaking off from my support base. Thanks all and Happy New Year.
  3. I recently have had to deal with the loss of my mother after a short battle with cancer. Over the last few months I've attended every appointment with her and helped in every way possible while dealing with my own OCD issues to which she was my rock. Now that she's gone I'm having to deal with a combination of bad grief and a resurgent (P)OCD that had calmed down despite everything going on (a switch to Effexor in August also helped a lot). Its making things complicated as I'm having to spend a lot of time with family and especially my sisters three kids (all under the age of 10) and the ugly thoughts are returning badly (including the fears, groinal responses, what-ifs). I'm trying to apply the techniques I've learned but its been a mixed bag plus I haven't had the time to see a psychiatrist/councilor in a couple of months. If anyone has any advice I'd greatly appreciate it. Thank you.
  4. Group therapy

    I'm part of a mood-disorders group in my home town that meets once a week for a couple of hours and while not OCD/CBT specific I have found its provided a lot of comfort and a place to vent my frustrations and worries if I'm having a bad week. The people are all very understanding and sympathetic even if you do not specifically say whats going on.
  5. As a person in their late thirties, on the verge of 40 years old, I'm single, not currently able to work, not wanting to go back to the job I have, looking at retraining for a career I'd like and dealing with elderly parents. My future looks bleak and is not at all what I imagined it would be when I think back ten or so years. But at least I'm starting to deal with my OCD, not having bad suicidal thoughts anymore and realize that something positive will happen, just not sure when or how. I still feel incredibly lost but at least I'm starting to see a possible path out of the woods.
  6. Childhood memory

    I wouldn't worry about this, what you did was innocent play acting with a friend at young age. Just let it pass by.
  7. I've been finding my intrusive thoughts and images are fading a bit now, not as frequent and not as powerful. I've been practicing mindfulness and just letting the thoughts be, ignoring sensations etc but I'm still being hit hard by the "branches" its spouted especially anxiety, depression, mind-reading and future-thinking. What might be the next major step I need to take in this forums opinion? I've been doing CBT and am on meds and their helping but mentally I'm still very unsure about how I should be progressing. Thank you in advance.
  8. I was having a conversation with a trusted friend about my POCD and said that its probably the worst one that someone could have. She agreed that its probably the most socially unacceptable one someone could have. I thought about it and realized that this has been one of my main fears, that because the topic is so reviled that if it ever got out that I suffer from this particular brand that it might be misconstrued and I would be socially isolated, hated or investigated. My family members know but its one of the things keeping me from work, the fear that it might get out or that someone might pick up on it accidentally. Any thoughts about this or anyone else with similar fears?
  9. I've been unable to work for over five months now because of my (P) OCD. Every time I feel like I can go back, my anxiety spikes badly and I slide back into a depression of sorts. I know I have to go back sooner than later but its proving hard to convince myself otherwise despite therapy. I think its something we all have to do eventually and part of moving on with our lives despite our OCD issues.
  10. OCD out of control

    When I doing pretty much the same thing, it would take me forever to get out of the house. Don't take pictures, I tried it and it just fed the OCD more. Medication helped me but also forcefully and gradually reducing how many times I checked things and even leaving certain objects out when I did. I also discovered that stress and anxiety about other things (especially work) were aiding the checking compulsions.
  11. That whatever your worrying about isn't true or will happen. When my condition first came up a few months ago, it felt so real and so true that I believed wholeheartedly that I was going to do/become what I feared the most. I now know its just OCD lying to me but when its been yelling at your for however long, its hard to disbelieve/ignore. Relapses are going to happen and with time and help you'll be able to deal with them better and better but a little faith in yourself is also necessary to keep moving forward. Its hard but its possible.
  12. Coffee and OCD

    Ha! Its very similar but there's is Coffee and TV.
  13. So a small victory for me today, I went to my nephews rugby practice with lots of kids around and managed to make it through with minimal OCD issues and rumination (I didn't go last week because I was too nervous too and it would have just been me). Now I went with my mom and I find I've been relying on her for a decent amount of support but not necessarily reassurance over the past few months. I do visit my folks almost everyday either for coffee or to help out as the family home is also a safe spot for me to go and where I can relax. Is this a good or bad thing in terms of recovery? Is it just a more subtle version of assurance seeking? in advance.
  14. I'm not sure what is happening, in my few short months of my OCD theme revolving around children I'm having one of my worst relapses yet. I'm incredibly depressed, anxious, full of bleak and dark thoughts, unable to believe in myself and suicidal to my core (or at least it feels like it). I just can't seem to believe/implement what I've learned from CBT or mindfulness. Is it possible to purposely backlash against lessons learned when your in a mood like this? I don't know what to do, I can barely cry because of my meds and feel worthless. Its taking a lot to avoid doing something stupid. I know I tend to repeat myself in my posts but this one has been scary bad and a friend had to talk me down today. Its like I want people to agree with my feelings of being a horrible human being because of my thoughts so I have reason not to continue on or be a burden anymore.
  15. Facing fear

    I want to thank you guys for the kind words and encouragement in this thread. I've been having a bit of a relapse with my child themed OCD recently and have to attend a couple of family events in the next few days which which can be either okay or nerve-wracking depending on my mood. I hate this but at the same time I'm realizing if I'm to continue on I have to live and deal with it no matter what it throws at me though it can incredibly tough at times. Your all brave folks in my books.
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