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Bulletin Board User
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  • OCD Status
  • Type of OCD
    Intrusive thoughts/POCD/Checking

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    Ontario Canada

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241 profile views
  1. POCD regret is killing me.

    You have to realize your not the only one who regrets doing certain things like you did. You obviously have no inclination towards what you think you are and admitted as much. You need to sigh, realize that it was simply a bad decision and get on with your life. I was in a similar bad spot last year but I'm still alive so. Self-forgiveness is a hard to start but once you do, you will feel better. Cheers mate. p.S: Not sure if this falls under reassurance, if it does, my pardons. MOD NOTE (AF): Please do not try and bypass the swear filter or we will have to start deleting entire posts.
  2. So my good news is that I'm doing CBT with a professional at my local hospital and its going well. I've noticed a big decrease in my intrusive thoughts when it comes to my OCD in general. A year ago I was badly suicidal and almost unable to deal with it but I've fought and now I'm able to live something similar to my life before my OCD got to such bad levels. Its a little bit of hope I haven't had in ages. I'm not sure I'll ever be over it but at least I can now seem to deal with it, especially the sexual aspect of it. To those suffering from similar issues, have hope that it can get better, that the thoughts will calm down, that you'll stop seeing every action as a bad one. Bad days happen but eventually they get lesser and lesser until the good one's outnumber them. Cheers all.
  3. So I've been in CBT therapy on and off over the last couple of months and initially we've just been dealing with the checking aspect of my OCD but are starting to move onto my more deep seated (P)OCD fears and worries. I'm not resistant to doing the homework or making notes but part of my brain is very scared as it'll lead to directly confronting fears I've very much been on a live and let live attitude with over the last few months as a way of dealing with it on a day to day basis. Its not perfect but my day to day intrusive thoughts have become minimized and much more manageable (credit to mindfulness though for helping big time). I'm so worried that by confronting them I'm going to fall backwards hard and revert to the scary place I was not that long ago. I know I have to confront my fears but still. How has it been for other people when they reach this stage of CBT therapy? Any advice on what helped. Thank you in advance.
  4. Why this theme?

    I fully agree with this. When my POCD hit last year, one of my biggest fears was of it getting out and being misinterpreted, it was one of the reasons I quit working and developed a fear of going out in public (mind-reading). When I think back to it, even before it hit I was afraid of being inadvertently branded one because I was a single older male who enjoyed being around children and I know I was not alone, its one of the factors of why men aren't taking up the teaching profession like they used too. Its considered one of the most evil things you can be in society right now. For me being good around my niece/nephews and other children was something I was proud off but now its become my biggest fear. OCD does attack what we hold dear, I believe this, it attacked my personal connection with members of my family and that's what damn near drove me insane. Still why one day I was fine and the next I wasn't still confuses me, there was no reason for it to happen like it did but at least I now have some understanding as to why it did or at least what helped to fuel it. Feel better Luna and everyone else, your not alone.
  5. Saw my CBT specialist yesterday and she recommended two things: One I try and follow specific CBT rules for sleep and two I put I name to my OCD in order to confront it better. My issues are with the sleep one is that my bed is my quiet place and where I like to go to read or browse my phone, not just sleep. Its a habit/routine but its a comfortable one on bad days. Also I don't feel comfortable giving my OCD a name because it would then give it a personality, another voice in my head I've tried so hard over the last year to dull or silence. Has either or these things worked for people or have had similar issues? Thank you in advance.
  6. Why this theme?

    My understanding is that its all an individual thing, some fear or thought that has taken hold in our brains and refuses to let go.
  7. As a fellow POCD sufferer, I made myself a lot worse initially by googling and reading everything I could. It was one of the first things I stopped as it reinforced the bad thoughts more than helped. There are no big secrets or instant solutions to OCD. I have this same issue, part of future thinking, its what made me come very close to doing myself the ultimate harm last year.
  8. Scared of having a child

    Can I say I'm scared to have a kid due to sexual OCD? The fear of possibly doing something (even though I never would) and having to deal with the anxiety etc issues everyday I think would be too much for me in the long run. Its sad to me as I wanted kids badly a few years ago but considering I have issues being around my nephews/niece I wonder how'd I even able to handle being around a child full-time.
  9. I suffer from the same issue and the same problems with it and while its hard you have to treat compulsions the same way as the thoughts, by ignoring them and letting them pass by. Remember things will spike it from time to time, there will be days/weeks its hard to ignore, but be happy and proud with the progress you've made so far. Also I will state that I don't believe all reassurance is a bad thing, it just depends on what form it takes.
  10. I feel I have my OCD about 60-70% under control now (I've just started weekly CBT sessions) and have been applying for jobs with a good chance of a full-time one in the future. My problem is while confident about it part of me feels like I wouldn't be able to handle it successfully once the stress of training etc happens. Part of my worry is also about not being there for my dad (my mom died last October) as I've been helping him a lot since then though I understand I need to live to my own life (plus I find being around him is comforting). Also any advice of dealing with insomnia while on anti-depressants would be great, I've barely been sleeping recently.
  11. Lily: If there's one thing I've learned over the past year when it comes to sexual type OCD's is that thoughts do not equal actions or intent. I've managed to in the last year get to the point where I was actively avoiding my fear to now being okay and even occasionally comfortable around it/them. The thoughts are scary yes, but that's all they are. If you can confront the fear or at least start too then that's a step forward, it took me along time to do that so remember your not alone. Cheers and hope your okay today.
  12. I've been doing well over the last couple of months despite the death of my mother and the stress of Christmas but new things are now encroaching and I'm starting to feel a lot of new pressure issuing forth from my "third thoughts" including: -The need to find a job when i don't know how I'll mentally deal with it. -Being told that I essentially can't have another breakdown by my dad because he doesn't know how'd he deal with it (my mom who died in October was my main comfort). -A lot of future worries and fears related to my main theme which I've been trying to ignore but its gotten harder. I know I have a future but some days man, some days. -The 1st year anniversary of my "breakdown" is coming up and its terrifying me, the memories of how powerful it was have been creeping back and I'm scared. Its the constant fight that's been getting to me recently, its just so damn exhausting at times and while I'm dealing with the day to day stuff okay, I'm worried about maintaining it long term and not breaking off from my support base. Thanks all and Happy New Year.
  13. I recently have had to deal with the loss of my mother after a short battle with cancer. Over the last few months I've attended every appointment with her and helped in every way possible while dealing with my own OCD issues to which she was my rock. Now that she's gone I'm having to deal with a combination of bad grief and a resurgent (P)OCD that had calmed down despite everything going on (a switch to Effexor in August also helped a lot). Its making things complicated as I'm having to spend a lot of time with family and especially my sisters three kids (all under the age of 10) and the ugly thoughts are returning badly (including the fears, groinal responses, what-ifs). I'm trying to apply the techniques I've learned but its been a mixed bag plus I haven't had the time to see a psychiatrist/councilor in a couple of months. If anyone has any advice I'd greatly appreciate it. Thank you.
  14. Group therapy

    I'm part of a mood-disorders group in my home town that meets once a week for a couple of hours and while not OCD/CBT specific I have found its provided a lot of comfort and a place to vent my frustrations and worries if I'm having a bad week. The people are all very understanding and sympathetic even if you do not specifically say whats going on.
  15. As a person in their late thirties, on the verge of 40 years old, I'm single, not currently able to work, not wanting to go back to the job I have, looking at retraining for a career I'd like and dealing with elderly parents. My future looks bleak and is not at all what I imagined it would be when I think back ten or so years. But at least I'm starting to deal with my OCD, not having bad suicidal thoughts anymore and realize that something positive will happen, just not sure when or how. I still feel incredibly lost but at least I'm starting to see a possible path out of the woods.