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californiadreaming

Bulletin Board User
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  • OCD Status
    Recovered

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  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    United States

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  1. Yes, it was just as bad as everyone else’s here. It’s too easy to fall into the trap of “oh, mine is wayyy worse. They got out of it, I could never.” It’s a total lie.
  2. And I’m doing pretty darn good! I changed my status to “recovered” because while I do have intrusive thoughts every once in a while, they pass rather quickly. I no longer have to apply my therapeutic behaviors, they just come and go much like a normal person’s mind would and I don’t really care about them - no matter how bizarre or scary they might be. My recovery in numbers: - 2 amazing OCD specialists. 1 hour appointments, 2 times a month. - About 4.5 years of work (!!!) I had to hit bottom a few times and get back up. - 1 hour of ERP a day ... then 30 minutes ... then 15 minutes ... then 10 minutes and so on. - 50 mg of Zoloft a day. - Countless relapses and even more small victories. - 3 therapists that didn’t work out because they weren’t trained in OCD therapeutic practices. - Seconds: how long an intrusive thought lasts now. - Days/weeks/years wasted over worrying about nothing. - 1 extremely supportive partner who encouraged me to keep fighting when I wanted to lay in bed depressed. I know it may come up again, but I’m much more equipped for it. My brain just works differently than others’ and I’m finally okay with that. I’m not afraid anymore.
  3. Love this! I feel like I am SO CLOSE to recovery and this is very motivating.
  4. You’re right. Even my husband is sick of it, lol. He’s like “look, it’s not even something you need to look into. We’re married now and that was years ago.” however, I’m still doing compulsions here and there. Gotta cut it out.
  5. And I feel like it is important. If my husband found out I cheated, he’d leave me for sure and I love him so much. So saying “it’s not important because it’s in the past” is a cop out to me.
  6. I'm ruminating on a day where I went to a hockey game with friends and this ex. We got home late and I remember falling asleep in the car. I'm pretty sure he dropped me back off at our office so I could drive home myself. I'm worried that he didn't and I actually spent the night at his place? Another possibility is he dropped me off at home and we carpooled in the morning. I'm not sure, but I'm so afraid I did something bad and want to check my data on this date.
  7. Hi all, hope everyone is staying safe! I was doing better for a while, but I seem to be caught up again. I have been asking companies for my data and old accounts to see if location data shows me at my ex’s house in the middle of the night. I’m trying so hard to stop asking, but I feel like I’m lying to myself and letting myself off the hook if I don’t ask.
  8. Hey Headwreck, stress and life changes can certainly trigger anxiety which then triggers this OCD stuff. Are you still seeing a therapist and applying what you learned in therapy to every day?
  9. For me it’s continuing to believe the thought is true - no matter how remote the possibility is. It’s almost like a weird “security blanket” in a way. PolarBear is right that we do have a choice with OCD.
  10. Hey all, been doing better these last few weeks after a big bump in the road. It led me to realize I wasn’t getting any more out of my current therapy plan. I did find a new therapist and have seen her 2x and also got on a low dose of Zoloft about 4 weeks ago. I’m really taking to the therapy plan. She laid it out in very achievable goals for me and flipped the script on ERP. I took the YBOS and scored 20 which puts me in moderate. So we have check ins to track my progress. I think what I’m really finding beneficial is the practical use of ERP. Before, my mind would almost panic when a thought would come up and be like “omg ok stop what I’m doing to do CBT!” But she gave me some tips on how to make it part of my every day life instead of giving it so much attention. “Intrusive thoughts comes? Oh interesting. Move on to next topic.” She also helped me embrace the anxiety. Instead of running away, I run toward it and use it as an opportunity to practice my therapy. Seeing it in a more goal-oriented light has really done it for me. I’m hoping I can continue to learn and improve.
  11. Thanks, all. I had a lot of time to think today and something just occurred to me - I always FELT recovered because I sort of compulsed my way out of things here and there. The only time I truly felt recovered was with another theme that I worked on through CBT/ERP. This one popped up right after and instead of using the tools I learned, I went back to my old ways. Same thing, different theme. I don’t know why the lightbulb just went off.
  12. My experience is the same as PB’s. I’m definitely more distracted and I do get depressed and unmotivated.
  13. I just feel like it’s true if it’s been hanging around so long, plus I had some weird thoughts around my relationship at the beginning like “maybe it won’t work out” “what if I still like my ex?” And I feel like that points to some wrongdoing. I know thoughts are just thoughts, but my brain is a mess right now.
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