Jump to content

Goldfinch

Bulletin Board User
  • Posts

    8
  • Joined

  • Last visited

Previous Fields

  • OCD Status
    Sufferer

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    London

Recent Profile Visitors

The recent visitors block is disabled and is not being shown to other users.

  1. Hello. I am struggling so incredibly much at the moment and am so desperate for some advice. I've had Pure O for the last 10 years and since I had my baby (he's 1 today - which makes my eyes well up thinking how, on his birthday, my OCD is the only thing I can think of). I have POCD/Harm OCD and one particular thought which I've had for the last month, that I will do something awful (it's very specific) and this one thought is going round and round and ROUND. I feel like a shell of my former self.... I am literally consumed by this one thought and every day I fear 'this is the day I will ruin all our lives'. I'm not worried I might like the thought or anything, simply that I will do it because I'll reach breaking point, with it having gone round my head a million times. This is killing me and I feel so sorry for my amazing, beautiful, little boy that he has a loopy mum like me. Has anybody had something similar and can offer any advice? I feel like this is morphing from OCD into some kind of psychosis - I have never felt so numb and so detached from reality :-( It really feel like it could happen :-( :-(
  2. Thank you so much for your kind comments - it's hugely appreciated and means a lot. I'm currently taking prozac and am seeing a CBT therapist but sadly neither are working very well :-( I almost feel l like the Prozac is making me a bit numb and used to the thoughts. I haven't properly tried mindfulness but I will definitely give it a go - thank you :-) I just don't know how to stop fearing this thought and how to get over it. I feel like it's all consuming and I've lost all touch with reality. It's almost like I don't see that it's OCD that's the problem, I just want to make sure this thought doesn't happen. I feel like I'm really wasting this precious time with my baby.
  3. Thanks very much for the reply PolarBear. You've hit the nail on the head, as I know it continues because I fear it so much. Can I ask how you remove that fear - what techniques should I be using? Thank you so much - can't tell you how much I appreciate it.
  4. Hello. I am really struggling at the moment and am desperate for some advice :-( I've had OCD for 10 years (since my early twenties) and I feel like it's the worse it's every been - probably because it's now targeting my beautiful baby boy. I've always had Harm OCD/POCD (sorry, I know it's sometimes not helpful to use those terms), coupled with Generalised Anxiety - worrying about getting caught up in a terrorist attack, my husband dying.... the list goes on. For the first 6 weeks, I was blissfully OCD-free and then it came back with a vengeance, focusing on my son. However, my latest obsession (hence 'thought', not 'thoughts' in the subject line) feels like I have well and truly lost my mind. I have a fear that I will do one particular horrific thing to my son. I don't think that I 'like' the thought or anything like that, it's just the worst thing I can imagine and it's like my mind is pushing me to do it. My fear is losing everything (that's always been the ultimate fear with any of my obsessions) and ruining everyone's lives. How can this one thought go round and round my head like this - it's been nearly 5 months :-( My husband goes away a lot and I'm always fearing/dreading the next time he goes away as I fear this 'thing' will happen when I'm on my own with my baby. I've tried ignoring it, distraction and just letting the thought come in but I just can't seem to do it. I feel like a shell - I can't think or care about anything, as I'm just in a constant state of fear and feeling like 'something is about to happen'. Any advice?! Thank you so much x
  5. Thanks so much guys and so sorry to hear you have been through similar things - OCD is so cruel. I'm feeling a bit better but then my OCD twists and poses itself in a new light and I get completely sucked in again - it's so frustrating. Like today my brain is telling me that I want to have these thoughts and that I don't find them horrible anymore. I just feel so exhausted by it all. Thank you again xxx
  6. Sorry just seen this! Thank you so much for your advice - literally EXACTLY what I have gone through and you've really helped so much knowing someone else has gone through this horrible thing and come out the other side. I'm so happy for you :-) I'm on Prozac but only 20mg - tried Zoloft and it didn't work at all. Not sure if I should increase it! I've just had a great day but then had this awful thought 'something terrible is going to happen today' and wham, I'm in panic mode. I know I need to just shrug it off and get on with my day which is what I'm trying to do! This is such a lovely board with such great advice - very thankful for it! x
  7. Hey Jess, Thank you so much for your kind reply - I really appreciate it so much. Sounds like we have a pretty similar story as mine started 6 weeks after my son's birth (thank god I didn't have it at first, I would have completely crumbled). I hope you're much better now. I'm lucky enough to be seeing a CBT therapist and I know she's a good one - she practices during the day up at a hospital on Harley Street - but it just doesn't seem to be working :-( I almost feel like I'm getting worse. I really like that approach - 'maybe I'm the worst, or maybe I'm the best' - as I know how important accepting uncertainty is. I just feel so out of control and not myself at the moment with these thoughts racing through my mind 24/7 - I'm worried it means I could do something awful. And I feel like a fraud :-( Thank you so much again - I can't tell you how much you've helped xxx
  8. Hi All, I've been a lurker for many, many, years and am a long time sufferer of OCD. As a brief summary, I've always suffered from anxiety which morphed into Pure O when I was in my early twenties and here I am ten years on and still stuck in the loop. I started by having 'POCD' (brought on from reading about this type of OCD and then panicking!!), to fears of being involved in a terrorist attack, my husband dying and back full circle to 'POCD/HARM OCD' (I put this in inverted commas as I know it's not helpful to differentiate this type of OCD from any other). The last 6 months have been horrendous and my OCD has been the worst it's ever been. For the first 6 weeks of having my gorgeous baby boy, I was in a blissful (albeit exhausting!) state of euphoria and then slowly the thoughts crept in. I am now stuck on one truly horrifying thought of something I could do and I literally can't stop this going round my head. It's like my brain almost wants to think of this disgusting thought - how is that possible? And for the first time, I'm actually scared I could do something - like I'll snap and my life will be over. At the beginning I cried and cried but I've grown so numb and just feel like I don't even know who I am anymore.... what my personality is..... I'm just OCD. On the outside I'm managing and I've actually just been offered a job (bizarrely I have no anxiety about anything that a normal person would - it's like OCD has sucked that all away) and I'm due to start in May -three months earlier than my maternity is due to finish because I feel I will go completely insane if I don't find something to distract me. It's just so sad that I can't be like any other normal mum and enjoy what should be such a wonderful time and my baby. Can anyone offer any advice? I'm seeing a very good CBT therapist and have just started mindfulness - the latter seems to be helping more than the CBT. I just don't understand how my brain can tolerate such horrible thoughts and think the way it does.... For example, I think maybe I'm evil, then my mind says 'yes, you want to be evil' - it's like its pushing me as far as I can go. Am I crazy? And how do I get over the guilt of feeling like the worst mother? That's the hardest part. I feel so unworthy. Arrrrgh. Sorry for the rant and any advice would be so appreciated :-)
×
×
  • Create New...