Hi everyone,
I am new to this forum. Was wonderig if enyone is experiensing anything similar to what I'm going through. I had OCD since my childhood. All those intruisive thoughts, they don't bother me anymore like they used to. I just don't care about them because I now know it's my OCD. But now I have this moral OCD. and it's just the worst. I can't pass the homeless without having this urge to give money and if I don't It's like I've made an unforgivable sin and I have to punish myself. And I used to punish my self. For example, I would not listen to music the whole weekend as a punishment or I would not do something else that I enjoy doing. But I was strong enough to stop doing even that and I thought I was really beating this freaking OCD. Unfortunately a month ago this thought came to my mind. There is this woman where I live, she helps people that have health issues by non traditional methods. And now I feel like I have to tell all the sick people I get to know about that there is this woman. Email them, call them, whatever, even if they live in another part of the world (tell me it is crazy, cause I don't know anymore) . Even on the street, if I see someone that might need help I feel like I have to run to them and tell them. I don't want to do it, but then I think what if God wants me to do it, and then I think, if he wanted me to do it he would let me know it and it would not make me suffer. I don't know what to do, I can't live my live because of this. I want to convince myself that I can not save the world and that I have to think about my self for once, but I just can't. I cry, I want to scream I feel so much anger and then guilt just because of this one thought that came to my mind. I lost weight, I just want to lay in bed, this guilt is kiIling me.I feel like I'm on a mission. But how can this be the right thing to do when it mekes me suffer so much. It feels like I'm in hell now and I feel so guilty. Moral OCD is just unbearable mostly because it doesn't feel like OCD, it feels like the right thing to do, but somehow feels so wrong if you know what I mean. I guess I just need someone to tell me that it is OCD. Did anyone have anything like this? Or does anything I wrote sound rational? I would appreciate all the answers. Thank you all.