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Milo

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  1. Definitely - I don't want to undermine those who have those compulsions. But because they are more common, and more physical, it's easier to show them on TV/film. But it would be really interesting to see a different manifestation of OCD than the typical ones shown the most often in the media.
  2. No problem at all! Let me know how you get on. The tens machine really helped the pain, and going gluten free really helped the digestion! Plus eat lots of food with magnesium and iron in it too. Pumpkin seeds, avocado, almonds, walnuts, spinach and bananas! I'm not sure how much those foods helped with the pain, but a better diet certainly helped with the bowel issues I got with endometriosis. All worth discussing with your doctor! xx
  3. Hey! A theatre piece about OCD sounds like it would be brilliant. But I think it would be very easy to get it wrong. I get really annoyed seeing TV shows/books/films portraying it as liking things clean, or washing hands a lot, or turning the lights on & off etc. showing OCD as having quirks rather than a debilitating mental illness. I think showing the intrusive thoughts etc is a great idea, and if you need anybody to talk to/interview, I am more than happy to.
  4. I suppose if you are done having babies, they might take it as an option. I had it on my bowel too - it made me gluten intolerant for 2 years! And yes, I definitely feel you when people say you're being dramatic! When people try to sympathise and say "I get painful periods too! Sometimes I even have to take a paracetamol." I want to say, "Come back to me when you can't walk!" Have you tried a TENS machine? I found that helpful. It's a bit weird at first, but if you get the right levels it can work wonders! I used to sit with it on all day at my desk - it was the only way I could get to work!
  5. Thanks everyone. I am trying to focus on the fact that whatever I tell them, they will have heard it all before. But it's more trying to figure out how to verbalise my feelings. I am thinking about writing them down, but I'm not even sure I can write it - and I'm a writer! It just feels like putting the thoughts down on paper, or saying them out loud makes them real. At the moment it feels like I can almost pretend they're not there. That if I carry out compulsions, that they will go away. It never works, but I feel like that's all I am clinging onto at the moment.
  6. Ahh yes - endometriosis is such a pain! I used to be practically doubled over in agony for 3 weeks of every month. The week before, the week of my period and the week after were all horrendously painful! If you can get it sorted with just the laparoscopic surgery, I would advise doing that, because a full hysterectomy is a huge operation with potentially lifelong effects. I also went on the progesterone-only contraceptive pill and now I don't get periods at all! I had the surgery about 3 years ago, went on the pill and haven't had a period since. Bliss!! Keep your chin up - hot water bottles, terrible rom coms, and plenty of ice cream always used to help me!
  7. Hi Wonderer, Hormones can create havoc both before and after a period, so I wouldn't worry that it's abnormal. But maybe speak to a doctor if it's too bothersome. Nobody likes to feel anxious and depressed at any time during the month. As for the news. I often avoid the news and social media after a horrible event, but that's mostly to do with the fact I suffer PTSD and the news often triggers me. I don't think it's a compulsion - I think as far as seeing the news goes, do what you feel comfortable with. Don't force yourself to watch or read anything you're not comfortable with.
  8. I would definitely be interested in this. I think a month is about the right timeframe. 2 months allows people to forget about the book! But a month allows for slow readers. I personally recently finished Holly Bourne's Am I Normal Yet? And I found the portrayal of OCD really accurate. I'd love to know what other people think?
  9. I start CBT tomorrow, and I'm really nervous. I have been on the waiting list since June, so I'm worried I will mess it up. That I won't be able to verbalise my problems and they won't take me seriously. Or that I won't verbalise them properly so they won't be able to help me. I am so miserable at the moment, and I'm having counselling, but the counsellor is terrible. So I'm worried my therapist will be too. I'm just generally tying myself in knots worrying about how it's going to go. Has anyone else had similar fears? How do you overcome them?
  10. Thanks folks. Yes, it doesn't feel like my OCD, as there's not the same sense of panic. But it does lead me to carry out my compulsions when I think about it all for too long. I didn't manage to go out last night. I got home from work and just laid on my bed. I couldn't even face my housemate. I had a complete meltdown in therapy as well which led to flashbacks from the attack - but it was more like flashbacks from right afterwards, from talking to my friends etc, and I was more sad than anxious because my friends don't live here and I suddenly felt so lonely, so I was suffering with that all day. I thought if I did anything other than lie on my bed, I would get too sad and anxious and end up carrying out compulsions.
  11. I am having general counselling whilst I am waiting for CBT. I think the counsellor at the moment is trying to work on my anxiety in general. I definitely get the triggering of a memory. But it could be so obscure even I'm not sure of the link. Someone will say something in a meeting, and it will trigger a memory that seems almost unrelated. I think some days are worse than others. But on my bad days, even when I think of positives, it ends up spinning to a negative. Eg. Remembering an embarrassing moment, thinking nobody likes me. Challenge that by thinking about my 21st birthday party and nearly 200 people turning up to celebrate with me. That leads to remembering that someone came who I hadn't seen in ages and I didn't get chance to speak to her. That leads me to think she doesn't like me anymore, and then it's back to thinking nobody likes me. And it becomes circular like that. No matter how I try to spin it, on a bad day, all memories can be turned bad.
  12. I personally don't think it's healthy to ignore the panic attacks, but acknowledge them, and acknowledge that you are fine. Ground yourself in the present and try to think positively about previous panic attacks. Eg. This has happened before, and I didn't die. I can keep going because I have been through it before and come out the other side. I tend to find if you ignore the panic, it's more likely to come back with a vengeance!
  13. Thanks Angst. I'm feeling a little better tonight. But I'm still struggling. I've asked some friends if they want to go for drinks tonight to take my mind off things. But I feel like that's going to be a massive challenge to get out. I burst into tears in counselling today. I just feel awful. I'm lonely, struggling to find work, and struggling with PTSD. Why is everything so hard??
  14. I feel so restless. Trying to listen to music to calm me down. I feel like my body is trying squirm out of my skin - does that make sense??
  15. Does anybody else get those days where you remember every bad thing you have ever done? Not like, terrible things, but bad thoughts you've had, people you might have upset, (the person I upset was over ten years ago, she has forgotten all about it, and we are great friends). But I still think back to it and want to jump out the window (I never would). But then when I think about doing that I feel guilty for thinking that. I try to pinch myself, or bite my knuckle, which seems to help - I'm not sure if it helps by hurting me and feeling like a sort of punishment, or by bringing me back to the present, but either way it usually helps. But today it's worse than ever - I can't stop remembering everything and feeling wracked with guilt and humiliation. From the day my teacher called me stupid when I was six, through upsetting my friend at sixteen, to running away and not helping during a terror attack at 25. Every lie I've told, and person I've let down, all the friends I've lost, and job rejections I've had are all coming back to bite me. I had a really good day yesterday - I just don't know what went wrong. But I can't concentrate and I want to curl up into a ball and cry and hurt myself and make it all go away.
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