ocdukself

As OCD sufferers we are probably going to have some form of it for the rest of our lives, it's just managing it that's the key! As you said you felt very proud of the progress you made but that's how OCD works! just when you think "ahh I've cracked this!" It will sneak up on you when your defences are down so maybe a little refresh with some CBT again will build you defences back up. The thoughts might continue in your head while you are having sex but we can build coping techniques and we can learn to treat them as worthless and let them slide away down the conveyer belt of the gazzzzillion thoughts a day that we have!

You have already taken the first step to conquering anything that is bothering you - by acknowledging it. Well done. The professionals involved in OCD will not judge you no matter what you say and you will feel safe speaking to them.

There are lots of books out there and lots or CBT techniques you can do yourself at home. Try some ERP. And I mean REALLY try it. like for example when an intrusive thought pops into your head you have to try and sit with the anxiety of it for say...10 seconds, then 20 seconds and so on and build up your tolerance. That example is very basic obviously and each person is going to be different but that is what I had to do in CBT when I went and It helped rid me of my compulsions of counting everything in my room before I went to sleep (which was very very annoying! especially when I really wanted to go asleep!) There was like 50 things I had to count!!! so then I only started counting 45 then 40 then I was just checking the odd few then none at all! and thankfully it stuck! I understand that you are having mental compulsions like ruminating on unwanted thoughts and your issue isn't exactly the same as mine but the technique works for everything OCD related.

Our brains are just like that. But us as sufferers of OCD seem to flag the weird ones and keep reviewing them were as non OCD sufferers just let them slide right past. Happens to me all the time.

I have had this exact thing! False memories! Your OCD will twist and warp your memories and make your ruminate so many times on the one memory that it sort of becomes worn out and faded and then it's plays right into the OCD's hands - the more unclear the memory = the more OCD feeds off it. Think of it as a bully inside your head trying to trick you, when you think rationally it will say things like "you must have done it!" because it's a complete NOB (excuse my language) and it will do anything to upset you. The first rule is not to seek reassurance but sometimes a bit of logic and grown up thinking needs to be had. People who are evil don't come on forums and check if they are, they just do it and don't care. I might not be giving the correct advice as I am not a doctor but I am a complete EXPERT in my OWN OCD and I could feel your pain in your post. Life is full of grey areas were can not get a yes or a no answer and that makes me incredibly uncomfortable but from what I've learned from CBT and hundreds of books and years and years of pain, living with the uncertainty is the key to happiness. Keep posting Oceanblue, share your stories, and help others also, as you help others you will build your own defences to OCD.

Think of OCD as a thing that will CONSTANTLY try and catch you out and try and make you question everything! If a doctor says "OCD" then your OCD in your brain will make you say things like "I wonder if it is really OCD or just me?" I shouldn't really be doing this as reassurance is fuel to the fire but as Wonderer said it is the doubting disease and I want to try and help you! Horrible thing isn't it? it's like a puzzle or a computer game that we must read guides and walk throughs to conquer it! Buy some books on OCD and you'll see millions of people are in the same boat, but they are a big part of recovery. The more we know about this crippling brain disorder the more we can do to cure it! If we could all learn to use the word "maybe" we would all be fine - "maybe I did leave the garage door unlocked" "maybe I did touch a door handle without washing my hands after" but it's a lot easier said than done! Googling is a terrible one for me, I google absolutely everything looking for reassurance, the thoughts are that crazy that I don't even feel right typing them in! Sorry for ranting but I felt like I related a lot to what you had posted and thought I would share a few thoughts.

That's great news that you are staying "on-top" of this horrible illness! We can all overcome it with some patience and dedication to actually getting better! Keep up the good work!

Excellent. I need to definitley make time to get well! Yes I "try" not to moan and seek reassurance, I try as hard as I can but it's just feels so nice and calms you down for a short while but it is not getting to the root of the cause. I actually came on the forum to try and help other people as much as I can but find myself *ironically* getting anxious using the forum! But I have realised the stern approach some of the uses take on here in the replies is for our own good! How long you been receiving CBT?

Yeah that's great advice! Thanks! I think at one stage or another I've had most "forms" of OCD, it's like a worm in a computer that attaches itself onto other aspects of your life and then creates new fears and anxieties. Hate it! And I always need "absolute" answers and I understand that in this life there are no absolute answers sometimes but as I said before my mind betrays me! I could definately do with some CBT! "refusing to attach relevance" thats the key! I like that! Uncertainty is HUGE HUGE issue for me. For example I could feel the anxiety rising in me when PolarBear replied to me and I came up with a million scenarios in my head thinking "they are going to judge me now and I'll have to leave the forum" it's massive leaps from one thing to another in my silly mind!

Hi OceanDweller, thanks for the reply, even your message has made me feel slightly better but as Ashley said (further up) reassurance just further fuels the need to for reassurance in the future! My other diagnoses has been different forms of anxiety (social, generalised etc.) I thought I had conquered all of this but I have started quite a stressful job and it's all flared up again! What about you? In what ways have you been affected?

I worry about everything, I'm even worried what your reply will be! I hate how much I think about things but I try to fight it!

I don't know the answer?

Stop reading them things? Ha

David, I am not in any position to give advice as i am not trained in this but I have been through hell with this also and we have to fight!!!! We fight back. If you genuinely was an evil person and had awful thoughts about teens or whatever you wouldn't care, you would just follow through with the evil action! That's how evil people work, they don't have a conscience, they just do bad things. They wouldn't go on a forum and ask about it. Which proves you are not a bad person. The OCD is trying to beat you and together we will beat it. I am new to the forums and appreciate that i should not be "reassuring" people but I just want to help as much as I can, maybe that was wrong and somebody could teach me the do's and do not's of the forum. Thanks

Thanks ??