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About MarkOVDVersion

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  1. At crisis point so angry

    60% of me knows your right, it's just the other 40% i can't shift
  2. At crisis point so angry

    I did tonight as hard as i can to force myself to eat, because i know not eating is more likely to make something bad to happen to me but it's really spiked my anxiety and couldn't resist the urge to do neutralising rituals on my way home in the car, it's very difficult doing it on your own when nobody is around who understands
  3. I have not eaten properly in 2 days now and I'm getting SO angry with myself that I not got the balls and take on this OCD Magical thinking OCD sufferer and my OCD makes me avoid things I enjoy when it can mainly food if I ignore my OCD something awful will happen to me or someone close to me at somepoint when I'm 32 which is in December My OCD even affects my typing ie deleting and redoing sentences so apologise if this is more of a rant which makes no sense
  4. Anxious, fed up, scared

    I relapsed about 6 months ago mainly due to money problems and my Dads ill health, along with the possibility my original medication didn't seem to be as effective anymore so changed around 3 weeks ago but i do admit there is a element of not having the balls to challenge my thoughts quite often especially when i relapse
  5. Anxious, fed up, scared

    Basically if i eat something my OCD is telling me not to eat something really bad will happen to me, not because of the food itself it's a superstitious thing, for some reason my OCD targets things i enjoy I am currently having CBT have been on and off for 2 or 3 years but more regular right now, sadly it's private CBT due to NHS waiting lists
  6. Anxious, fed up, scared

    Yes just over 8 stone, protein shakes is what i am trying to do if i feel comfortable with it and food is a issue
  7. I am really struggling tonight with my OCD i suffer from Superstitious/Magical thinking My OCD targets mainly what/when i eat and when i am able to do things i enjoy in my case going to the gym, video games and other things Food is my main concern regarding my OCD as it is forcing me to lose weight, i now weigh 55 kg which i know for a 31 year old man at 5ft8 is not good but i just can't fight this OCD enough right now to eat properly and the worse i get the more real this OCD and it's thoughts feel
  8. I'm pretty sure I have THE worst OCD

    I see where your coming from, i often think i would rather have such and such form of OCD rather than my own, but that does not mean i assume there OCD is easier it's all down to the sufferers point of view. Sure someone elses OCD would mean i can do all the things i enjoy when i want to, but i would still have to live with the fear of making someone else ill, harming someone else, or whatever the other persons OCD is so there would still be that fear
  9. OCD Taking on a personality once again

    I do understand that and it is something my Therapist will often try to encourage me to try, but to be honest, and it is my main problem to be fair i don't have the balls to do it out right like that
  10. I think it's more because we over think and analyse any criticism, at least i know i do in these sort of situations
  11. Just when it felt like my OCD might be starting to settle down slightly, i now find my OCD taking on a personality again I was reading about The Conjuring film and how it's supposedly based on a true story, Now i am finding it hard to shake off the what if fear, that my OCD Thoughts are actually of someone possessing me as such and something really bad is going to happen to me if i don't do or don't avoid more in my case what the thoughts say to avoid I really struggle with that as it makes the OCD feel so real
  12. Does anybody find sometimes there OCD Voice takes on the personality of someone? or should i say your OCD convincing you that OCD voice in your head is actually a person? Always of a person influenced by recent things you been exposed too like someone who has died trying to control what you do? By this i should point out i do not mean literally hearing voices, that OCD Voice is still like just your consience Sometimes its periods like this which make my OCD so much more difficult as it feels so much more real, i am a susperstiious/magical thinking OCD sufferer so i guess my problem makes sense
  13. Anyone ever had any personal experience with taking Inositol for OCD x I hear a lot of good things about it but not tried it myself yet, i am not one to just dive in with alternative treatments but i am always open minded
  14. Never sure what to say for introductions? So i will try to keep it short Name is Mark and i am 31 from Oxfordshire, i suffer from Superstitious/Magical thinking OCD and have done since i was 15 years old, trigger for me was the death of my Brother when i was 15 or though i have vague memories of having OCD when i was younger I use to suffer from Germ obsessions too but they don't seem to be as common any more Currently on Fluvoxamine SSRI and in CBT therapy which i have been on and off for the past 5 years i am suffering a big spike in my rituals and symptoms which has kind of tempted me to finally pluck up the courage to join this site