Hello, guys. My name is Alex and Im 22. Currently im suffering from OCD that is manifested in learning songs in english. First of all I want to say that my OCD started last summer
and in some kind of way i can tell myself that my OCD helped me to get out of some kind of mess in my head. Since my college studying ended i've immediatly had anxiety that become higher and higher with every day and my mind been messed up in a lot ways making me tired and not giving me a chance to do anything that i want.
I think my anxiety was triggered by my social phobia as i really having some problems with that and its difficult for me to contact with someone in real life or in chats because im thinking that my speech will not be good for listener. Maybe my anxiety started because all my friends at college are left now and its time to find other, idk.
Well, after college has ended and we had 6 months to do our final exam, for 5 months i've been every day tired and messed up, every day disputes with parents, started drinking alcohol, literally was thinking that im piece of s*** and i was screaming in pillow because of pain and thoughts in my head. But before the 2 weeks before the final exam my duty was to memorize a lot of exam text and you know what, after 1 day of full learning and passing the exam, the first of my thought when i came back home "Why not to learn song in english?" and then it began, since then im learning english songs everyday at 6 p.m. and what it makes more strange for me that after learning text i have no worry and some bad thougts that give me pain. I guess my OCD is related with bad thoughs that give me pain and using this method difuse them?
Also i live with a girlfriend, that helped me to get to live with her. If i wouldnt live with her, then learning text alone at my house i guess wouldnt help me. I guess because im living with her, im feeling comfortable in a plan that it is a person that i can trust, feel comfortable and i know she's not bad for me regarding to my social phobia. So, when i live with her
i feel pretty comfortable and i can learn text in english. Want to make a note, that when she is not at home for a long time, my anxiety about it in the past sometimes left me, sometimes not.
But my question is, that, yeah, i live pretty comfortable now because i live with girl, and i can learn text, but everything is pretty good except one thing. I cant get myself to start working because my of OCD. Here how it works:
If i wake up at 11 p.m. (morning) then i'm starting to learng text at 6p.m. that take not much time, 6 lines of text with no pain.
But if i awake BEFORE 11 p.m. then at 6p.m. i need to learn ~16-30 lines that take ~1-1:30 hours. Because when i wake up earlier my body reacts to this stress with
pain and for a full day im thinking about how hard is going to be to get rid of this pain when i start to learn text. At the learning time my back muscles literally unlenching after spending time, and to unlench them completely i have to learn more and more before it finally realises and i feel no pain and feel comfortable.
Im asking you for advice, maybe someone know how to ease this pain? I want to go work as all people but when i think about that i have to get up before 11p.m. and how
would i tell to anyone that im doing that stuff it paralyzes me. Maybe someone having some this kind of OCD? Also, maybe someone could understand from WHAT danger my OCD is protecting me? I hope someone will help me with some advice. Thanks.
