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About Irregular86

  • Birthday August 24

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  • OCD Status
  • Type of OCD
    Hiv/ Contamination OCD. Intrusive Thoughts.

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  1. Guess it's just gonna have to be one of those where I bite the bullet and just deal with the thoughts as and when they come afterwards. Maybe treat it like ERP and hopefully the more i expose myself the less it becomes a problem. Thanks for your advice.
  2. Does 2 + 2 Equal 5?

    Best advice ever!! Could do with printing this out and putting it on my wall where I can see it every time one of these thoughts creep in!
  3. Hi So I'm kinda just wondering if anyone else who suffers from contamination OCD and in particular HIV OCD struggles with the physical side of their relationship. Me & my partner both tested negative but I can't get rid of the thought that maybe I have contracted it somehow and I could pass it on as mentioned in previous posts. Since this all started again early July we have slept together once when we were both drunk. It's really starting to affect our relationship as we both want to but I sway between not daring to sleep together in case it brings the thoughts back as bad as they were as I have improved a fair bit over last few weeks. And not sleeping together in case I by some minute chance do have something and pass it on. Even though I know I don't. Sorry I'm rambling just wondered if anyone had experienced anything similar and could maybe give me some advice Thanks ?
  4. Thank you Snowbear! Yeah I guess you're right. To be honest I haven't really though much about the OCD or anything to do with it over the last few days as been so busy with life in general so I guess it's just trying to fight it's way back to the forefront of my mind again. I am determined not to let it win though!
  5. Okay so I have had an amazing week in terms of my OCD. Resisting compulsions, not engaging in analysing thoughts and generally just getting on with life. And I have been so much happier! Today was my little boys birthday, we have been out for a meal with family and just had an all round awesome day. My partner has been fantastic and watching him play with my little boy and his new toys melts my heart. Then the thoughts started, what if you have contracted something. What if you have passed it on. I'm trying to just let them come and not act out any compulsions as such but I just don't understand why this has suddenly reared its head again now. Sorry for the long message but I just want to know if anyone else suffers these setbacks. Like you're getting better then bang it's back again.
  6. Am i winning??

    I've had a couple of relapses but that's due to my brushing everything under the carpet so to speak and not getting to the bottom of my problems and issues. My OCD hell started after a traumatic miscarriage and I didn't come to terms with things just tried to put a brave face on. You should be so proud of yourself, sounds like you are on the road to recovery ?
  7. As the day has gone on the anxiety has relented a little. What goes up and all that............
  8. Am i winning??

    My mild cases previously cleared up on their own so yeah I guess it is possible. It does sound like you are making progress, well done You!
  9. Do I stop it ALL at once

    I don't know to be honest id imagine if it was possible to just stop doing them all at once this disorder wouldnt exist. However im not sure, maybe it is possible. Or you could start with one at a time. My therapist mentioned to me about choosing the easiest 1 to tackle and then work through them e.g. when that one is no longer a problem move onto the next until you are in control and the compulsions aren't taking over. I'm currently drawing up a hierarchy of my compulsions so with the help of my therapist and some ERP I can combat this. Best of luck whatever you decide to do.
  10. So I slept well but woke feeling anxious. Need to stop thinking about it.
  11. That was very informative thank you. Just need to put it into practice now.
  12. I'm going to check it out now. Thank you for your help. I don't really have anyone who I can talk to, my family don't really understand the condition at all just keep telling me to stop thinking about things and calm down. Easier said than done!
  13. Since it popped into my head a few hours ago it's there pretty much constantly. I have gotten my son ready for bed, washed up and sorted around the house all on auto pilot as this is in the forefront of my mind. Can you give me any tips on how to stop ruminating?
  14. Googling is a major compulsion of mine. This is the one I managed to resist and it felt so good knowing I'd not done it that long. I was really proud of myself but it's as if it always finds something else to throw at me. I know the latest worry is stupid cos of course I'd know if it had happened but the what ifs are in full swing at the minute.
  15. So after a really productive session with my therapist where i did really well in resisting my compulsions for 30hrs ans facing the fear a little and a lovely few days away with my partner and my little boy I'm once again overcome with thoughts. The new one is ridiculous but can't get it out of my head. I took my little one to see paw patrol in Leeds last Wednesday, a guy was sat behind us with his kids and wife. Something scuffed past my back which I know was probably his little boys shoes as when I turned around he was now sitting on his dad's knee instead of in the seat next to him. Anyway my mind has now decided someone has jabbed me with a needle even though it wasn't a sharp pain more of a nudge. There was no pain afterwards, no marks that I notice now but it has been almost a week. When will this ever end?? One step forward and two back all the time. Wish I could just turn my thoughts off entirely!