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About Skullpops

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  1. Anger

    Hi all, I'm not sure what the purpose of me posting this is, I think I just need an outlet. I hope that is alright. I wondered if anyone can relate to how I'm feeling. I've found myself feeling angry towards those who are closest to me and the health professionals who are assigned to my care. That sounds incredibly selfish, I know. I'll try and explain...I was diagnosed with OCD and major depression at 15 years old. I'd experienced obsessions and compulsions for as long as I can remember before that...but at 15 it became unmanageable to the point of me becoming suicidal...I was admitted to a psych ward and that's where I got my diagnosis. I eventually got back on track and life carried on. Fast forward to now and I'm almost a year into a severe relapse, which also saw me admitted to a psych ward once again. I've been suicical for the majority of the past year. I'm in the middle of a medication switch as I feel the one I was on was not having the desired full effect. Here's the thing. I want to give up, and have done for months. I feel I've no fight left in me and have a miserable existence as opposed to any sort of life. I don't want to carry on as I am and feel this should be my choice. The anger I mentioned is towards those who are 'keeping me here.' That's awful of me to say, I know. Selfish. Please understand though I am so very tired and burdened with all the feelings associated with OCD and depression...the guilt, the shame, the overwhelming sadness ect ect. I wish my family could fully understand the hell in my head. I understand I'm being irrational as if it was the other way around I'd do anything to help my loved one and keep them here, but I'm so done, I can't carry on, how do I get them to understand that as much as they love me, and me them, I'm tortured on a daily basis and I want to end it?
  2. preoccupied with death

    I imagine everyone thinks about it at some point or another but we do so obsessively
  3. preoccupied with death

    I know, not logical at all. I wonder about all sorts like what happens after death? Is this all there is ect
  4. preoccupied with death

    Hi bruces, This is a topic that torments me too. I think about death and the process of dying on a daily basis. I worry about what would happen to my family if I passed away. I'm suicidal yet afraid of dying. It's horrible.
  5. The purpose of therapy

    I'm not sure but would be interested in knowing. Hopefully someone can answer....where's PolarBear when ya need him?! ?
  6. Anyone else?

    Ok, thank you ? What does CBT actually involve and how does it help?
  7. Anyone else?

    Hi Snowbear, Thanks for your reply. I am seeing a psychologist but we really just talk, I'm being treated for major depression too though so maybe that's why.
  8. Hi all, I am almost a year into a severe relapse that saw me hospitalised for months. The worries/concerns that I had then I can now quite clearly realise and accept as having been OCD and dismiss as such, despite my willingness to take my own life over them at the time. I recall thinking at the time if I could just get an answer/clarity I could have my life back. Going by that theory, I should now 'have my life back' but instead I am worried about other things, worry that they aren't OCD and get so low about them that I think about suicide. Anyone else experienced anything similar?
  9. This is wonderful to read! ❤️
  10. Mornings

    Hi Taffy, I too find the mornings particularly difficult. I spoke to my therapist and he told me this is quite typical for depression, which I suffer from as well as OCD.
  11. Daughter is hoarding

    Hello again, Yeah the GP is a good starting point. I really do understand how you feel as my eldest has the same struggles as your daughter. I know it probably doesn't feel like it right now but it can get better! I suspect other family members of mine suffer OCD too. I myself was diagnosed at 15. Yeah OCD definitely wasn't understood 50 years ago and even today there are still many misconceptions. Hopefully you'll find this forum useful and supportive. Are you based in the UK?
  12. Daughter is hoarding

    Hi cbc, I too seem to have this OCD pattern in my family. Have you taken your daughter along to see the GP? They may be able to do a referral to CAMHS for you. Amazon also do really good books for kids with OCD. You'll likely find that your daughter will be relieved/amazed when she reads and realises lots of kids have the same worries she does. Best wishes
  13. False Memories

    You're absolutely right, PolarBear, my mistake! Apologies James and thanks for correcting me PolarBear! I was thinking of something different. Silly me!
  14. False Memories

    20mg is a low dose as far as OCD goes, may be why it's not helping much. Yeah I take clomiprimine. I think all us OCD sufferers can say we've felt the embarrassment of our intrusive thoughts.
  15. False Memories

    Hi and welcome, James! Fairly new here myself. Everyone is very helpful. Are you taking any medication for your OCD? Have you just recently started CBT?