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About Em00

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  1. I'd have to argue about the judgement of others. In trying to understand myself I've done lots of work on compassion and forgiveness. I find myself seeing things from all sorts of views and being open and compassionate of other people's stories and actions. Always. But myself? I hate myself. I have no flexible thinking around that. I certainly don't think I'm better than others. I don't have high standards, I just believe I destroy things.
  2. Sorry for butting in a conversation... Reading this makes me want to cry because some of me wants to believe it's true but it's so blinking hard. Ocd is so cruel. I want to trust what I'm thinking but I can't. Mine isn't a thought thing as such, but things I've done, mistakes. I can't accept them and I wish it would all disappear. Highly unlikely I know! Sorry again for intruding on the conversation.
  3. Uncertainty

    This is very true. And helpful. Thank you. It is so hard though. Some stuff is easier to let go off and other stuff your brain clings to like a vice. SO so difficult to take on board what other people see of the situation. Overwhelmingly so. Why does your brain spin such a different story? Psychiatrist says it can almost be delusion like. Therapy starts in a week. I'm terrified but desperately hopeful it can help shift my thinking. ?
  4. How do you even begin to accept uncertainty? This is a huge sticking point of mine.
  5. Is it...

    I'm only trying to do it because they asked me to, as there won't be enough time in therapy to cover all my obsessions...
  6. Is it...

    Thank you for your reply! Yes, that's exactly what I meant. Just feels infuriating that there are layers of compulsions! Because I'm doing it on my own, without a therapist, I haven't really been doing it in a set way, just trying to challenge little things as they come up. Maybe I should try and be more systematic.
  7. An achievement if you do something you normally avoid due to it making you anxious, only to ruminate about it all week? I'm waiting for some cbt for hyperresponsibility and while I'm waiting the cmht want me to challenge myself with some of my contamination stuff as I've had cbt for that before. Finding it difficult trying to do exposure as my thinking is so fixed. I've lost track of what to feel proud of when everything feels so crummy.
  8. Just had my assessment. They've got to discuss it at team meeting but they're offering another round of cbt locally. I've had some for contamination issues a few years ago and this lot will look at responsibility with the idea I'd try and work on the contamination stuff again separately. Am utterly exhausted and still processing...
  9. That sounds interesting. I've always wondered how it works if you've got complicating co-morbids.
  10. Thank you for the replies folks.
  11. Group therapy

    20+! Eek! Yes, there's so much to group therapy that dictates how helpful it will be - members, personal experiences experience, facilitators etc. I'm quite happy to have come to the conclusion that group therapy isn't for me. Learning skills in a group is ok, but not talking about issues.
  12. This is it. Is this normal?

    This has been really helpful to read.
  13. Group therapy

    Ah, maybe it's more common for ocd than I thought! I know I don't get on well with group stuff as I've had it in the past. But is good/interesting to hear it's really helped people.
  14. Sorry for so much posting today, not having a great time. Just wanting to get a bit off my chest. I hate the way ocd is so insidious and like a weed that just strangles round everything. It's the most terrifying subjects and not just one, so many. I hate it!!! Just this week my head has decided to pop up with a new obsession. Why does it do that? I want a break! (I am currently waiting on therapy, I'm not sure if ranting is ok on here cos I know it's recovery focussed, so sorry if this isn't ok. Just want to scream out loud!)
  15. Group therapy

    Thanks. Secondary. Will see what they say next week...