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About lily17

  • Birthday 12/10/99

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  • OCD Status
  • Type of OCD
    Intrusive thoughts

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  1. Hi... how is it possible that you’re holding back from doing something you absolutely don’t wanna do and then something happens and you feel like you’ve done it? I was on the train with my mother and had this urge to do a movement to sexually please myself whilst thinking of her and I was like “no, please, no” and I was paralyzed trying not to move because I didn’t want that to happen. Then I looked at an old woman and she smiled at me, which felt nice in a weird way as if I was attracted to her wtf I was not at all... she looked like a lovely granny. Anyway and then I made this movement with my legs, like I spread one leg open (I was standing on the train) and apparently I was thinking of my mum (maybe obssesively) and liked it? I just don’t understand how you fear something and then you do it or feel like you’ve done it. The worst is that the situation is kinda blurry and I can’t remember much help me, I feel like I’ve done something wrong.
  2. Sometimes I can even feel my mouth morphing into a smile and I swear I get scared ********. OCD never ceases to amaze me at how real it can feel. Thank you for responding me I’m trying my best to ignore it
  3. Does it ever happen to you, that when you don’t panic then you think it’s because you’re enjoying whatever thought/situation? It can get really frightening ?
  4. Thank you, Caramoole... I will try even though I’m extremely weak and any tiny thing makes my anxiety go through the roof
  5. Thank you, PolarBear. I'm trying not to ruminate about it and just label it as another OCD event... since it's happening to me with almost everyone I care about, the same thought 'i'm not allowed to touch them because then it means sexual reasons etc' it's completely exhausting, like I'm playing this game all the time and every single time my result is game over. I have to start making changes, I have to start now. I have to be strong once and for all, damn it.
  6. I didn’t want to touch him for sexual reasons I would never do that but now it feels like I have and it hurts so much I’m nearly in tears. I don’t know what to do. ?
  7. I’m so anxious right now because I asked my dog to jump onto the sofa, then I noticed he would jump onto my crotch as he usually does and I told him no because if he did it, then I would’ve asked him for sexual reasons but he jumped onto it anyway and he was laying next to me and my thigh was near his bum/back paws and I touched him briefly and I wasn’t supposed to even do it because it would mean sexual reasons, I don’t know if I touched him accidentally and then I had that thought or what order I don’t know what order because my mind is a mess the thing is that I did it and now I’m fearful I might have touched his crotch oh my god I’ve sexually abused him!!!!! ?
  8. I’ll try to dismiss this type of thoughts the next time although I’m getting them more and more (because I keep giving them meaning, I’m afraid) thank you, you helped me so much!
  9. Yeah but the scariest thing is when you feel like you want to. I‘ve just been through this silly situation where I was getting a can out of the fridge and it was stuck, then my grandma showed up and she was next to me talking to me and also getting something out of the fridge and I got the thought “if you touch her, it will be for sexual reasons” and I got paralyzed but had to move to get the can and I touched her and the worst is that I felt like I wanted to how do I deal with this type of thoughts? It’s horrible
  10. I wish I could... the magical thinking is so bad now the other day I couldn’t touch any of my relatives it was so overwhelming because if I did, then it was for sexual reasons! I believe that I’m obsessed, which is all OCD I suppose... don’t you feel evil sometimes? It’s really scary thank you HCD.
  11. Hi... as some of you all know, my OCD is also about my dog, who I’ve been afraid to even touch lately but yesterday I was able to do it replacing the thoughts with another thoughts (i think this is bad but it’s the only way i can touch him) This morning he jumped onto my bed and at first I was afraid to touch him so I moved my leg under the blankets in the opposite side because if I touched him, it would be for sexual reasons and doing that movement, the blanket touched him... then I’ve been petting him thinking “i love you so much i don’t want to touch you for sexual reasons”, “you’re my baby aww you’re so cute” but having groinal responses all the damn time and then maybe I try to touch him without thinking and I get a thought and I’m like “noooo, nooo, nooo i don’t want that” and really now I’m left thinking one of those times I touched him were for sexual reasons because one of them I was like “if i touched his neck it would be for sexual reasons” and then I touched him because he looked so cute looking back at me and I thought “you’re so cute my baby” trying not to think about those reasons but does this mean i touched him with that purpose? This magical thinking **** has me feeling so low because I don’t know if it means I’ve touched him with that purpose now one of the times I just didn’t think? Also groinal responses are the worst it’s like I think “do I like this?” I just want to be with him as always I love him so much I hate OCD
  12. Thank you so much lost hope that too x
  13. I’m aware of that, Phil. It’s such a privilege to me and many others, I can’t even imagine how hard it was when there was no internet and that... so sorry I’ll go through the advice
  14. I see, I understand. Now I’m ready to give myself a second chance, let’s see how much I keep on going with this mentality. Thank you, Caramoole. P.S: Before bed, I plan to go through some of the advice given.