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Bee2017

Bulletin Board User
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    71
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  • OCD Status
    Sufferer

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  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    Bedfordshire

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131 profile views
  1. I know what you mean I hate this feeling, I haven’t been able to enjoy motherhood since my little one was born a year and a half ago. I’m coping with the intrusive thoughts & urged during the day but once asleep I have this constant fear I’m going to abuse her when I am asleep. It doesn’t help that I found my hand on her nappy, that just makes it a million times more difficult x
  2. I thibk I am worried because of the intrusive thoughts and urges, that I am going to do something whilst asleep and not knowing, not out of wanting to but out of doing it without knowing if that makes sense? I know my therapist said you can’t do things in your sleep but how can anyone actually be sure if they are asleep. I just don’t want to do something in my sleep and end up hurting her, I’d be distraught forever :/
  3. My little girl comes into my bed during the night some times and she always has a habit of pulling my hand and wrapping it around her or sometimes she wraps her whole body around my arm and lays on it if that makes sense? I woke up this morning though and my hand was on her nappy, now I’ve got this constant worry that I’ve hurt her in my sleep as technically that is evidence there that I could have. I’m worrying as she gets older too as what if I did something in my sleep when she’s bigger and doesn’t wear a nappy but pants if that makes sense. Is there anything I can do just to make sure I’m not hurting her, like going to a sleep specialist, recording it etc? I wouldn’t worry as much if it was my partner etc as I know they could tell me, but I’m so scared that I could of done something to her because of this, I just feel like I’m not enjoying being a mum at all anymore and now I feel a danger to her.
  4. How likely is it that I could hurt my toddler in her sleep? It’s one of my biggest fears and that along with at the minute she cries when it’s bedtime and won’t settle for ages so I’m obviously convinced I’ve done something without realising in my sleep which is why she’s scared. I just wondered if it’s very likely and if anyone actually has or heard of someone who had.
  5. I totally get what you mean, I have started to acknowledge that the thoughts are only that and that the urges don't mean that I will actually act on them. So now it has shifted to the constant worry that I might do something in my sleep to her and the worst is I would have absolutely no idea if I had or not :\
  6. I think I just panic because if I've done something to her in my sleep I wouldn't have a clue. I think it's triggered more by the fact I saw on the news a man had killed his wife in his sleep and now it's making me panic that I might act on my urges in my sleep, if that makes sense. No that's true, I guess it's just a thing I've assumed. It's because it's such a horrible thing to read about that I just always think that people should feel upset or distressed about it.
  7. Hey, just wondered if someone could answer my questions, rather than me doing a million different threads I will just paragraph them if that is okay. My first question is, how likely is it, that I could actually abuse my little girl in her sleep. It is one of my biggest fears and it is even harder to ignore because I have absolutely no idea if I have or haven't. Secondly, how can I be sure I am not a paedophile? When I see/hear things on the news, in films, tv etc I sometimes get a weird groinal response. I also feel like I am constantly looking to see if I am like them and sometimes I don't get upset or have a sad reaction reading the stories which then makes me think I am just like them! Like I will read stay a new article on an abuse case and I will think that is horrid but I don't always get that sad distressing feeling like I should get reading them.
  8. Okay so I think I’ve sussed out what the major problem is. With ERP you obviously have to sit with the thoughts which I’m managing to do but along with letting the thoughts sit I’ve noticed the main problem is the resisting the urge to act on the compulsion! Which given the nature of my intrusive thoughts and compulsions I need to seriously tackle but that’s where the problem lies. I am seriously struggling to resist the urge to act on the compulsions and have ended up doing so a couple of times as I said in the previous post. Does anyone have any good tips for tackling the compulsions, I’ve been doing breathing techniques and trying to distract away from the compulsion but any other ideas would be great. I’ve also noticed I find that I’m slightly acting out on compulsions out of habit and don’t even realise I’m doing it sometimes, I don’t know if that’s normal though :S
  9. What is the difference?

    I had the compulsion whilst cleaning hear to touch the top of her private area, like just tap it which I then carried out and instantly regretted, it made my anxiety worse as I then panicked about why I had done it etc. The compulsion is still there at nappy changing time but instead I am distracting myself from it, such as taking away the thought and replacing it with another one instead or talking/singing to my little girl. I’m not sure if it’s the right thing to do, but it helps a little. Thank you again for taking the time to help and answer my questions. It’s very much appreciated
  10. What is the difference?

    Ah thank you, that has explained it perfectly Can I be quite cheeky and ask another question please, I get the compulsions to touch my little girl, it isn't because I get enjoyment, it is because I think well if I quickly did it the compulsion will disappear and I won't be panicking about it anymore and the anxiety goes down. I hadn't done it before but carried out that compulsion the other day, but realised after that I shouldn't of and that I wasn't strong enough in ignoring the compulsion, something I am now working on really hard. But I try to tell myself that if I was an actual paedophile I would have done something by now and that I would enjoy the thoughts, but then I find my mind then saying well the only reason I haven't done anything is because I don't want to get caught etc. Is this also a normal OCD thought? I am also struggling to not act on compulsions at this moment, would you say the best way for not acting on them is distraction techniques and is it okay to tell myself things like "oh it's just a silly compulsion, I don't need to act on it?" Thank you again for your help and the explanation, it's helped a lot
  11. Okay so I don’t quite know how to word this without sounding like a monster, but I am wondering why when I get an intrusive thought of my daughter I get a groinal response like I’m aroused but if I think of the same scenario but with an adult female I don’t get that groinal response at all. Is that a normal things or something else?
  12. Should I tell my therapist about me acting on the compulsion and touching my little girl or will she involve social services and take my daughter away?
  13. Thank you, it’s horrible isn’t it. I just feel like I’m being robbed of motherhood! No I completely understood all of that, it’s been really helpful I can’t thank you enough for taking the time to help me. I know what you man completely. One moment I can go weeks without having a severe intrusive thought and can be happy going about my day the next minute I have the worst relapse ever and it just makes me feel numb. Thank you and I’m sending my love to you too, hopefully we can both get through this one step at a time x
  14. Thank you for the advice I have been doing CBT since September last year, I was starting to finally get somewhere but recently have been through a bit of a rough personal problem and it has made my intrusive thoughts and compulsions a million times worse. I have noticed since starting ERP it has also become worse, I am thinking of upping my meds too. I get so scared as I can feel myself going to do the compulsion or going to act on the urge, it has become a bit of a habit if that makes sense? But at the last minute I stop, it's just becoming a nightmare for me. I am so rubbish at ignoring the thoughts and compulsions. I just want things to get easier.
  15. I’m just scared that I might act on an intrusive thought now I’ve done the compulsion. I feel sick and scared to be around my little girl and she’s picking up on my anxiety’s which is making it even worse. I’m in such a horrid place right now it’s just awful, the added stress to some events that have recently happened in my life really haven’t made this any easier. I just wish I could be normal for my daughter
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