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freya196

Bulletin Board User
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About freya196

  • Birthday 23/11/2000

Previous Fields

  • OCD Status
    Sufferer
  • Type of OCD
    HOCD

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    Lancashire

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  1. This is a relief thank you. I am obsessing over the fact I've not made those solid life friendships yet but I've only been here for 5 days. I'm unsure if some of my emotions are linked to my OCD - I spoke to another girl in my flat and she also feels lonely. However, I'm having panic attacks over these friendships not being formed immediately. University is such a hard step, I don't know how my eldest sister did it!
  2. Sadly I'm not getting help as of this moment but it would be wise to take the steps to get help. I want to make friends and I'm SO jealous of our second year representatives at our college (within the university), they've formed these super close relationships with people in their flat and now the 3 girls live in a house together. I'm desperate to make best girl friends but every time I start forming bonds my OCD says there's no point, that the friendship is superficial and pointless and continuing with this friendship would make me gay. These 2nd years met people within their flat and the flats above but there doesn't seem to be anyone I mesh with in this building. I'm concerned as this seems to be the only way people make solid and decent friendships, I sadly don't have the luxury of having flatmates who are super social and relatable. There is one girl in my flat and we've been doing a lot of stuff together but I'm scared we don't actually have things in common, even though it's only been 5 days. My brain is all over the place - I'm crying when I see someone with the same car as my mum, I cry when I think of my dad. Why is university so hard, I thought the first week was supposed to be the best?
  3. I've just started university- i'm barely 20 minutes from home, living away yet i'm so anxious. I was doing fine with my OCD it was on the back burner - but the night we went out my brain just went haywire. My intrusive thoughts are going wild, i'm so hyperaware. I want to be with a boy but my brain disagrees. I'm so concerned I'll never make good friends as my flatmates are so different from me - I don't want to be alone even though I know i'm not alone. Why am I crying constantly - I feel like i'll never make good friends or be happy. I think I have such a warped sense of friendship, I've never had a super close best friend but I do have lots of lovely close friends back at home. Will I make friends? Will I ever get a boyfriend because honestly I'm so concerned I never will. Please help me - I am so desperate
  4. I've just finished my a levels and i'm off on holiday tomorrow with my best friend. Ocd has been present but on the side due to exam stress but it's progressively gotten worse. Does OCD 'turn up the heat' if you will when you want to have a good time and not allow it to be ruined by intrusive thoughts? I don't want to have my holiday ruined, going on holiday with a female alone fills me will anxiety recently. Is this my OCD or is this just me?
  5. My self-esteem is always low but it's certainly not good at this moment in time, it is probably an underlying issue which is combined in a crippling fear of intimacy!! I should probably get some help lol
  6. I'm doing my A levels, I have some major stress as I need to get 3 As and i'm finding it impossible especially combined with all these issues. I need to go back to my doctor and start therapy for so many issues!
  7. Im back at my lowest point currently. I look at myself in disgust and no longer want to go out in public. I'm disgusted and horrified by the way I look and no longer find anything remotely attractive about my appearance. I hate myself and my self confidence is at its worst. My OCD has flared up once more and exams are less than 3 weeks to go. I'm not sure what i'm supposed to do, I'm so fat and ugly and my OCD certainly doesn't help. What am i supposed to do to help my self confidence?
  8. I'd say since the beginning of december I'd been doing great, my OCD was on the back burner, it was still there but not affecting me in the way it normally did. I went to the doctors, I got some medication and I'd not felt so good in a long time. I knew it couldn't last though and it didn't. I was triggered out of the blue by a random woman yesterday and i've spiralled since then. Now every female is a trigger again, i've lost my attraction for men again and the cycle continues. To be honest I only have myself to blame since I fell for the oldest trick in the book, I came off my medication because I felt better. Now I don't know what to do. I feel like this time it's different, that my OCD isn't OCD and i'm just in denial. I hate this so much, I have really important exams in TWO MONTHS. I could do without this! Anyone any ideas on what to do?
  9. i could sit here and write for hours about how suicidal i am and plead for people to be my friend but what's the point. I've tried to be friends with so many people who genuinely couldn't care less no matter how hard i try. My heart breaks when i see friendships i don't have because i am so bloody lonely. I have never felt so isolated and depressed. I wish the friends i was close with would tell me why they don't talk to me as they did before or why i have to insinuate a conversation every single time. I haven't faced them outright and asked them what is going on why do i feel this way, i fear it's all in my head. I don't know what's worse. I just don't know what to do?
  10. Hi everyone! Its been a while since i've been on here, i've been doing well. I was prescribed sertraline 50mg about 4 weeks ago and i've been so much more calm, the thoughts have been kept at bay. My doctor has recommended i stay on them for a long time, combined with therapy to really nip OCD in the bud. I was going through a good period just before my doctors appointment but I'd booked it when i was at my lowest! I still went anyway because i know a good period won't last forever. Just curious if anyone 'dipped' after a while on sertraline?? Or if they stopped they were back to square one? Thanks!
  11. Hi all, The appointment was very successful all in all! My doctor was so lovely and very understanding, she prescribed me a low dose of sertraline and wants to see me before i finish this first course to begin with. She's given me a number to call to refer myself to the 'Minds Matter' therapy in my county. I cried throughout the whole thing but I've finally taken the first step to recovery!
  12. So tomorrow I'm finally going to the doctors about my mental health! This is a huge step I never thought i'd be able to reach. 2018 has been an awful year, my mental health has deteriorated and I've suffered for so long. My birthday (23rd november) was terrible. I've never had such a bad birthday because of my mental health but around a week later I started experiencing the best period i've been through. I've not felt so good in a long time, I'm not 100% why i'm going through a good period but all good things must come to an end. Even though i'm feeling good, it won't last and i'll be back at square one again. In all honesty i'm terrified of going. I'm scared i'll be rejected but I can't go in with that mentality. Any pointers on how much depth i need to go into? I know i seem to ask this question quite often but I need some more last minute reassurance!
  13. Thank you for all your happy birthdays and responses. It was a good birthday if I ignore my stupid anxiety. Its 2:41am, In being a barrister at mock trial in court tomorrow at 9am. I am very overwhelmed. I feel very sick but i'm not sure if i'm feeling sick from mixing baileys and prosecco. I might ask my teachers for some deadline extensions and get my **** to the doctors as i can no longer live like this. I love my mum to pieces, I do forgive her it's quite clear she's scared. My sister was anorexic and tried to commit suicide, she always says she couldn't live without me and I really believe it's true. I'm trying to drink water and stay calm, I've probably taken on too much work. I think all my emotions have been piling up and hit me at once. All the work and my OCD/possible depression makes for a scary and overwhelming combination.
  14. A few months ago i worked up the courage to tell my mum i thought i have OCD. She responded by calling me 'ridiculous' and didn't speak to me until I bawled my eyes out in the car on the way to work to my dad. My dad was very sympathetic and felt terrible. I think about this situation a lot. I almost hold a grudge against my mum, does this make me a terrible person? I didn't want her to feel sorry for me I just wanted her to stand by me. I have a friend who has OCD and bipolar amongst other things. I talk about my OCD with her but i'm so scared of going to the doctors due to her experience with therapy not really working. I want to be fixed. I'm very stressed at the moment. I have my referral appointment next week for a lump on my breast and I have an important exam to get into uni, as well as a coursework deadline, working extra hours and my skin (acne) is bad. Can someone please give me some advice? I'm going through another rough spell
  15. Hi all, I've been to my appointment today and it was super scary especially having themes surrounding my health/health of family and HOCD!! But i got through it and my doctor is pretty sure it's not cancer, there's no lump or symptoms that correlate properly with typical cancer symptoms but i'm being sent for an ultrasound anyway. Thanks for having such a supportive thread!
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