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About freya196

  • Birthday 23/11/2000

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  • OCD Status
  • Type of OCD

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  1. Numb

    Thank you Skullpops! The shame is overwhelming sometimes and it took me a long time to even tell a close friend but I know if I want to learn to control it, I must get help. Thank you for your reply, I needed your encouragement
  2. Numb

    Hi there, I posted not long ago about my theme of HOCD, I was in panic to say the least. Now i feel completely numb. I have lost all attraction to males (i'm a straight female) and i'm so tired of these thoughts, i don't want to keep fighting. I'm exhausted mentally and physically. I need encouragement to go to the doctors to get help but i just don't want to talk about it out loud, my thoughts make me feel shame. I am trying to get my attraction back, perhaps checking for arousal and seeing if i'm attracted to any men has made my attraction disappear? I think this also applies to check to see if i'm attracted to girls. I'm just so tired, there's no anxiety anymore. I just want this to be over side note: I'm concerned because i've never had a boyfriend (i'm 17) and that ill never be found attractive and ill die alone because OCD took over my life further side note: i'm currently on an injected contraceptive, but a common side effect is loss of libido? Is it a possibility that it's contributing to the long term spike i've been suffering? I started taking it in September, when my spike began.
  3. panic

    Thank you Symps, that's quite reassuring. I know everyone is different when it comes to relationships but I find teenage movies and films don't help with my perception of 'normal' when it comes to stuff like this. I'm trying to keep calm and distract myself with work.
  4. panic

    I'm terrified that i'll never have a relationship due to my OCD, i'm 17 and i've never had a boyfriend. My theme is HOCD and I was looking through some forums where a guy said he's 31 and never had a girlfriend. I have utterly no sex drive but i am concerned that the contraceptive injection I have been on since September is causing my low sex drive (it's a symptom). I'm wondering if this is the cause of my long term spike which began just after I started college in the beginning of September, also around the same time I began with the injection. Usually my OCD aid in the back of my mind and I can control it but I haven't been able to since September and it's getting worse. I'm worried that i'm starting to like thoughts about HOCD and whenever I see things surrounding the LGBT community I'm like "that's me!". This is causing me a lot of panic, i'm just not sure what to do anymore I don't want this to carry on
  5. My HOCD/OCD questions

    Thank you so much! I needed to know I didn't have to tell them my OCD theme, that's reassuring. I feel much more motivated to make an appointment so I'll book one whilst i'm there next week.
  6. My HOCD/OCD questions

    Hi there, thanks for the reply. I know this was blatant reassurance seeking and I need help but i'm just not sure where I can find it. I live in England and I could always go through my doctor but what do I say to them? I'm scared they'll give me tips on how to come out. Thanks for your help, I need a stern guide to help kick my OCD
  7. Hi there, here's some questions/thoughts i've been asking myself recently. I just wanted to know if any of it was normal/ if you could answer any. Is it normal to feel scared about being intimate with someone as a virgin? I'm scared that if I get into a relationship with a male (i'm a straight female with HOCD) that I'll hate it and realise i'm gay. Is it normal to play video games as a girl? I paid a lot of money for my nintendo switch but I panic and think it must make me gay since i'm playing video games. Can you have male friends as a girl without being gay? Is having a gay dream and waking up 'aroused' normal? I don't feel much anxiety anymore, why? I'm scared I'll never find a boyfriend. Why does this feel so real? Why can't I stop noticing girls? I was intrigued by this girl, I didn't want to be intimate with her, I just thought she looked kind and gentle? Does that make me gay? I feel 'arousal' whilst typing this, why? Can marijuana help with OCD? I had quite a bit at a party once, along with some alcohol and my anxiety/OCD almost faded completely away for the night. Is it normal to be virgin and never had a boyfriend before at 17? Is this evidence of being gay since I'm older? Thanks for any help
  8. hocd is suffocating me

    Hiya, No but I am making progress I've finally told my friends and my mum about this and my mum has we're going to get an appointment to see my GP soon so they can hopefully refer me to therapy.
  9. Hi, my names Freya, I'm 17 and I've had HOCD since around the age of 13. I spiked a few months ago and it wont go away. Ever since I can remember I have been straight and I have identified that way. Yes, I have had a few sexual, same-sex fantasizes when I hit puberty but I am completely turned off by that now. I have completely lost ALL sex drive and I feel incredibly numb. I went to a party a few days ago and smoked weed and I felt my HOCD slip away and I came so close to kissing the boy I like (I feared him rejecting me and not speaking to me again). I often think is this HOCD? I am no longer able to help relieve my anxiety through compulsions and if I am successful it works for only a brief moment. I am constantly bombarded by intrusive thoughts and I so badly want this to end. I finally told my friends about my HOCD (even though my brain keeps telling me I 'came out') which has brought me a lot of anxiety but I'm glad I have some more support. Yesterday, a gay friend of mine touched my ass. Im not sure if it was on purpose or an accident but I felt so uncomfortable that I went home, took my clothes off and jumped straight into the shower. I avoided her most of today but she came up to me and held my hand (i thought she was going to high five) and I felt weirded out by this. I don't want to have to avoid people because of my HOCD. About 20 minutes ago I was scrolling through instagram when the naked cover of Kanye West's Famous album cover popped up, there were boobs on there and I froze, I kept thinking 'what if I like them?' 'You want to touch them'. HOCD feels so real I often think its not and that I'm actually gay. Even as I think about HOCD, my groinal response is going mad and it has been all day. I don't have a lot of self confidence or self esteem so I often think no man will ever love me as I'm fat and ugly. My OCD tells me that my failure and current lack of sex drive is because I'm gay. I have recalled several events from my past, this friend of mine came over and we played 'mums and dads' and she took her shirt off and asked me to get into bed with her but I avoided doing it as I felt uncomfortable. I often question whether any crushes I have/had are real and that they're all just lies. I need help desperately but I don't want to tell my parents about this as i've tried before and it made me uncomfortable as they didn't understand. I live in the North West of the UK and I would be grateful if someone could tell me if what I have is HOCD or denial and where I can get help from. I've been feeling as if I'm slipping into depression, I know my OCD spikes at Christmas time but I love this time of year and i'm tired of this ruining everything. Please help me. I have in the past suffered from Harm OCD and OCD over the health of my own and others but this is the most prominent.