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About Headwreck

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  • OCD Status
  • Type of OCD
    Checking, ruminating

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  • Interests
    Computer games, music, reading, films, art, fixing things, writing, science, running.

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  1. Skipping a step

    I guess you're right. Still find myself trying to 'figure it out' even though I know it is pointless. The lack of anxiety makes 'working it out' all the more appealing and easy to do as I can think for long periods of time without panic and can function quite well in comparison with how I was when this episode started. I'm at a loss!
  2. Hello So during my last therapy session, I told my therapist I no longer suffer with the anxiety but I still have the thoughts and the belief, internal arguments etc. We discussed the meaning I have placed on the thoughts etc. He reminded me that OCD works in a cycle of: Intrusive Thought - > Anxiety - > Compulsions - > Relief/Reassurance But he has told me that I'm now missing the anxiety step and instead having a cycle of Intrusions -> Compulsions - > Relief/Reassurance (basically neutralising the thoughts). Has anyone experienced this or heard of this before? I didn't think this could be a 'thing' with OCD with it being an 'anxiety' disorder although in my last episode which lasted 4 years I do know that the anxiety stopped eventually but the thoughts and belief persisted. I had several 'switches' during that time too which only lasted a day or so but the main theme would always remain. If this is a part of the process, do we know why this happens? Do we just get numb to the thoughts or bored of them? If so, why do they continue? Thanks.
  3. Is this a stage of recovery?

    Thanks very much for your advice, this has helped a lot and I'll bring this up in my session tomorrow. Feel as though I'm coasting now (ie functional but still harbouring obsession) rather than actually tackling anything so hopefully this will get the ball rolling a bit again. Thank you again
  4. Is this a stage of recovery?

    Thanks Snowbear. Sorry, I misunderstood at first but now I see what you mean. To be honest the 'trust yourself' thing wasn't ringing true (to the point where I was panicking a little, as you say it starts a whole new argument for and against) but what you have mentioned does make a lot of sense. I'm not sure if I should mention this to my therapist since he hasn't brought this up with me and I don't really want to teach grandmother to suck eggs if that makes sense. Is there a way I can work on this on my own?
  5. Is this a stage of recovery?

    Although that said, my last obsession was based on my partner cheating on me so not sure how the 'trust yourself' thing would apply.
  6. Is this a stage of recovery?

    Hi Snowbear. Thanks for the response. My therapist thinks the underlying problem is that I don't trust myself. Is this the 'meaning' you mentioned? He says this is also the case due to the checking I used to do as a child etc. But I haven't done any work with regards to this.
  7. The more you try to remember, the more you will create and distort. You've lived X amount of years trying to remember but nothing has ever come to fruition. What is the worst that could happen if you stop trying to remember for a little while and give yourself some space to breathe?
  8. Is this a stage of recovery?

    Thanks for your reply. Hopeful that it is just a matter of time rather than just living with 'I've done this' and being able to live with it at a high functioning level. I still doubt it's OCD but I guess that will always happen.
  9. Hey NJB. Hope all goes well tomorrow with your op, hopefully after all the anticipation and stress you've had recently, getting the op over with will be one less weight on your mind and your symptoms will subside a little. All the best for tomorrow.
  10. Hello So I've been a lot better over the past couple of weeks. My anxiety is minimal now which is a massive help. But one thing is bothering me and I recall experiencing this with my last obsession - I'm no longer anxious but I still believe the obsession is true and do find myself thinking about it, trying to work it out but not as obsessively as I was. Is this a stage of recovery? Is this something that anyone else has experienced? With my last obsession, the only way I stopped believing it was true was when my focus switched onto another obsession. Again, I'm not anxious but quite concerned that I'm going to believe I've done this thing and continue to think about it for years to come until something else comes along. It took four years for the last one to shift. I thought the eradication of the anxiety would mean clarity but I'm still not feeling that, same as last time. Thanks.
  11. I've always had the checking since I was a child, that's how I was diagnosed with OCD. As of now though it's compulsive checking of my work, things I'm putting in envelopes, waking up early hours of a weekend to check my emails to make sure I've not made a mistake, would go into work on weekends to check as well. I used to have to get up earlier for work to check the house before I left, would walk to catch the train but then have to walk all the way back home to check. I don't do that now as I'm never in the house on my own so I don't feel the need to check but think I would end up doing it if I was. I've had other things as well but they only lasted a week or so at most, such as thinking I'd done something horrible to my brother when he was younger, thinking I'd kissed someone else on a night out, etc. The checking etc. doesn't bother me so much as I'm preoccupied with other worries but does tend to get stronger sometimes. My therapist said he wants to look into where the OCD started as he thinks it all boils down to me not trusting myself. I just didn't know whether or not the checking and panicking in work was feeding this main theme I have. I am still thinking about this main issue I have but it's not upsetting me so much anymore. It's as though I've accepted I've done it. But I don't want to feel that way forever. I guess I can only keep going and see how I get on. Thanks.
  12. Hello. I understand we all deal with [numerous] themes, some more prevalent/distressing/recurring than others. I just wondered, I'm working on one particular theme that is causing me great concern and trying to cut out compulsions etc. With that said, my other OCDs (namely checking - checking work over and over, panicking I've done things wrong, checking doors etc. or panicking that I've said something wrong) which do not bother me as much but are still annoying to me, are still ongoing. Is the fact that I still do compulsions concerning the other less distressing themes (ie. checking), going to be fanning the flames for my current overriding issue that is the focus of my concern and has been for months? Basically, should I be stopping every single compulsion I have for all themes at once as not sure if it all feeds the same beast in the end? Hope this question makes sense. Thanks.
  13. Hi I had quite an emotional therapy session on Tuesday. We focused on the 'memory' I was obsessing over. A lot of exposure to it, and a lot of me getting very upset. I recorded a script for me to listen to over and over for homework, making the script and recording it was horrible and upset me a lot. Anyway the next day and I felt like a weight had lifted, the anxiety had gone, I was talking to people, they noticed I had completely changed. I don't feel the need to ruminate or check mentally. I can think about the thoughts and not get anxious or upset. The 'memory' which was panicking me now feels like nothing more than make believe as I've realised, if this happened then I'd truly remember and I'd have been wracked with guilt and confessed, the 'memory' feels synthetic because it doesn't add up. I still feel like I've done something and I've just forgotten about it, but nowhere as intense as it was. What has happened? Has anyone experienced this before? Can it just go away so quickly? Or is this the calm before the storm?
  14. ERP or not doing compulsions

    The anxiety has gone now after the spike earlier. Probably due to it being the evening again, I don't know. I just feel numb and tired. Genuinely wondering if this is OCD. Wondering if my last obsession was actually OCD at all because the last year or two into it I wasn't actually anxious, just had the constant thought every day for four years and me counteracting it with other thoughts with the odd flare up every few weeks. It went on for four years and suddenly one day I wasn't convinced he had cheated anymore, I was convinced I had instead. Anyway. My head hurts, too much thinking!
  15. ERP or not doing compulsions

    There doesn't seem to be any escape. I do compulsions, I feel like garbage. I don't do compulsions, I feel like garbage. What am I supposed to do? Although noticed the distress has alleviated slightly now, I guess it is because I've posted here? I need to stay off this.