Kieran523

@Wonderer @OceanDweller @Orwell1984 @JennieWren Thanks for the replies, I know deep down that the only way things can improve is by trusting her, I’ve explained her talking to her ex worries me which i think is normal? Maybe I should relax an let her speak to who she wants whether they’re her friends or not whatever choice she makes is her choice all that I know is I’ve been genuine and loyal to her, I want to make it work despite the problems an I want to beat my ocd an not let it win over my relationship.

Hi, I feel so guilty now after reading this, maybe they are just friends but after them being close a while back I hate that feeling of not knowing what’s going on, it keeps happening over an over an I keep letting it go but I just can’t accept it for some reason it’s ruining things and it’s making me feel paranoid. It wasn’t just that it was small talk with other lads even one who she doesn’t know well, I just hate the thought of it. I’ve ruined it an there’s no going back now her friends must hate me an I don’t blame them at all

I just feel so worthless an down, how can someone who loves you treat you like this I just don’t understand? In her eyes they are “ friends “ but it’s not nice keeping it behind her back. I’m finding it so hard feeling this way an I honestly don’t know how I’m going to get past it

Hi thanks for the reply, yeah I understand an I admit I was in the wrong, but for her to call me paranoid weeks ago an make me feel bad for it in my opinion is not right and also not fair after finding out she was still texting him last night. It’s asif me being supposedly paranoid was a feeling in my gut all along like I knew something wasn’t right an she wasn’t being truthful so me being paranoid was down to her actions, she says they were talking as friends an yeah maybe they was but it was other things I seen too that upset me, I understand she has lad mates but it really hurt me she never told me about her ex still. I just don’t know how I’m going to get past this even though it’s my decision to leave it it’s bwcause I no longer want to get hurt over an over. It’s happened more times than I can count an she always tell me the things she wants me to hear but it never actually happens it’s fake, empty promises. I’m a mess at the moment an my heads all over the place

Hi, after a fairly good Christmas I’ve went into the new year with such an upsetting start. Me and my now “ ex “ Girlfriend split up today but things between us had been unsteady for a month or so. So basically for the past few months we went through a rough patch of numerous problems the main problem being trust, we fell out over and over and she would say the same thing time and time again about how she would change and things would get better, sadly they never and more problems occurred and it became so bad we were arguing daily and it was making me feel so down and upset and not wanting to talk about anything so i took the chance to tell her about my anxiety, something which for me is a big step to explain she listened and seemed to understand and I explained that this was the reason I feel insecure, sensitive and sometimes down. so after a week or so I found out she’ had been texting her/messaging her ex and for me it was the worst most upsetting and sickly feeling I’ve had. She made me feel like I was a weirdo and that I am “ paranoid “ so I took some time to myself to think and accepted that maybe I’d been slightly unreasonable and took the blame, so come 2 weeks later being last night for New Year’s Eve, me and her were both out having a drink she was drunk and her phone rang and his name was on the screen, I couldn’t actually believe it, I grabbed her phone and ran off with it and answered it to see it was her ex and she was left alone drunk with no one. I realised what I done was so wrong by leaving her an I should never of done it an I feel so guilty and ive let myself down but I was so angry and agitated. All her friends were calling me a “ weirdo “ and “ paranoid “ but I can’t come to terms with how they think I’m paranoid when she’s still going behind my back and not telling me she’s messaging him? Is my point understandable or am I being unreasonable, we’ve recently spoke tonight and I’ve told her I don’t want it no more, I can’t carry on feeling this way, I can’t explain how I feel inside it’s such an empty/lost feeling and I just feel like crying, the feeling of not having anyone is not nice and for her mates to be nasty has upset me a lot. I just can’t understand why she continues to act the way she does when she knows about my anxiety it’s like asif she doesn’t care or hasn’t took any consideration towards my feelings even after I’ve told her time and time again, I’m made to feel like the bad one, yes I know I done wrong but how can I feel this way, I just can’t see a way past her at times knowing she will move on and be on social media acting as though she isn’t bothered is so upsetting. sorry for the long post but I’m so down and out, my OCD is at a new low point and being told I’m “ paranoid “ is making me feel like I’m going mad. I just don’t deserve any of this at all. Anyone who takes the time to read my post it will be much appreciated. Thanks

Thanks for the kind words means a lot

I’m just finding the thoughts really hard to accept and deal with, ive been at this stage before so I know what I need to do but it’s just so distressing and I keep thinking the thoughts I’m having are different to any one else’s. i just don’t wanna go into depth about the thoughts telling my loved ones.

Any more advice/help??

Hi Jennie, I understand I just think it’s the fact it’s a new therapist and feels fresh opening up again and also quite awkward inside they don’t know how to take me. I just keep doubting myself that it’s even OCD like asif the thoughts are too in detail it makes me feel sick to my stomach.

Hi, thank you for the support I appreciate it, it’s a hard time but it’ll pass. Hope you get yourself on the mend soon

So here goes the long post, I’ll really appreciate if anyone takes the time to read it. I’ve previously been on the forum and it has helped me to learn a lot about OCD and get myself better, I’m much much better than when I was when I first started to grasp what OCD was, so basically my OCD tends to manifest around various themes, these themes being: Harm OCD, POCD, Fears/worry’s of schizophrenia and going mad/being locked away, false memory’s and doubt from past times, magical thinking, Relationship OCD and pretty much worry’s about anything and everything in day to day life. I’ve previously been refered to CBT in which I was placed on a waiting list this time last Christmas, come the new year I received around 8 or so therapy sessions which helped me a lot to gain a good insight into OCD and taught me how to deal/cope with the illness. However I find myself back on the forum after a good few months of recovery and I’ve felt a sharp increase in my anxiety and a huge huge spike in my intrusive thoughts to the point were I am panicking and feeling like I am falling back into the trap I was once in of not being able to cope with the thoughts and I am in need of a bit of help and reassurance. So Ive recently just started my new job last month within retail and with it coming upto Christmas the shop floor gets very very busy especially when working on the till and interacting with so many people it can be rather stressful and a lot to take in at times. The thing that has set off my OCD is working on the same floor within the children’swear etc section this has been a huge trigger to my Intrusive thoughts surrounding POCD and the past 3 weeks have been a nightmare for me. I’ve felt so sick and disgusted in myself an I just can’t find a way to get past the thoughts at all, the thoughts jus5 won’t stop its one after another then on and on and I get a sick panicky feeling in my stomach my mind just goes into overdrive we’re i can’t think straight and I start making mistakes it’s been horrendous, I feel like even when I see a child no matter what age I can’t bring myself to look at them, it’s always either about harm or sexual thoughts and it’s making me feel like a sick horrible person I’m so down and out and I just know I haven’t been my usual self I don’t even want to go out on the weekend. Ive tried my best to block out the thoughts but they’re so rude and in detail that I feel so so upset and doubt myself I keep thinking I’m enjoying the thoughts and that I’m gonna turn into some evil monster, I keep panicking because the thoughts I keep having are so in depth and ones that I’ve never experienced that I can’t even block them out or let them pass, I honestly feel like curling up and crying I’m scared it’s ruining the up and coming Christmas time. I’ve recently just started my therapy again but this time with a new therapist and that hasn’t helped it’s given me a huge amount of anxiety as I have to open up to yet another therapist and I’m scared to mention some of the thoughts im having, I keep trying to research but I can’t find anything similar and it’s making me panic thinking my intrusive thoughts aren’t normal. I keep worrying myself sick about arousal too checking and im scared that I have been I just keep doubting myself it’s horrendous, I don’t wanna tell my loved ones the same thoughts over and over again because I’ve told them the POCD thoughts months ago and don’t want to go over it, I’ve just explained I’m having a hard time and feel alone in myself but I kept wanting/ feeling the need to confess to gain some sort of reassurance, I just can’t cope at the moment or think straight. Sorry for the long post but I’m really having a bad time and need some support/ help. Any advice would be much appreciated, thanks.