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Ozy

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  1. Thank you PolarBear and Helen. It just feels so “wrong” and reckless to me, especially because it seems long enough that I should have some clarity by now. I feel like when I’m treating something like an intrusive thought I’m just pretending and fooling myself because deep down the fear is still there and I feel like a negligent, selfish person for ignoring it. I feel guilty for not dealing with it.
  2. Does anyone have any tips on determining how to know if a thought is legitimate or OCD? I feel like I can’t trust myself to know, but I don’t have anyone to advise me either. So confused and lost, and really doubting if I have OCD.
  3. I don’t *think* I have contamination OCD, but... 1. Yes, this would bother me if they hadn’t washed their hands. I don’t like hand shaking in general, though, and wash my hands if I do have to shake hands with someone. However, I think there’s a greater chance of cold or flu viruses on hands than seminal fluids. 2. I would wash hands in this situation or wash off any fluids elsewhere. 3. I have never been a situation where fluids got everywhere, but would spot clean with a wipe until I had time to wash the sheets.
  4. I’m not sure what I’m asking here, but I feel guilty for not doing compulsions, and I feel like I deserve to do them. I feel like I am being selfish and uncaring if I try to put thoughts out of mind. Is this normal, and does the guilty feeling ever go away? Because if not, I think I would feel better about myself if I kept on doing them. I don’t want to put myself before others, and I feel like that’s what I’m doing by ignoring the thoughts.
  5. Yes, I feel on edge most of the day and like I can’t take a deep breath. I also feel chest pains quite frequently. Sometimes I almost feel like I’m going to pass out. Sorry you are going through this.
  6. Also, if I let the thoughts just sit there, it seems awfully disingenuous, as it’s blatantly apparent that they still have meaning for me and I’m just pretending that they don’t. That’s why I have been resorting to distraction (or perhaps avoidance) to get by.
  7. I know this is not the “right” way to deal with it, but I would typically weigh the probabilities that I did or did not do something or something may or may not have happened.
  8. Hmmmm...I wouldn’t say I am distancing myself from anyone or avoiding anyone. I’m also not creating scenarios to make myself feel better, although sometimes I create worst case scenarios.
  9. They involve harm coming to others, so yes, this seems negative and needing immediate attention.
  10. Thanks PolarBear. It seems difficult to distinguish distraction from avoidance. If I were dealing with this correctly, should the thoughts eventually lose their significance? Meaning that if one was recovered, the thoughts would still be there but they wouldn’t cause fear? I have read about just allowing the thoughts to sit there and not giving them importance, but I honestly can’t do this without distracting myself. I also am concerned that I am using OCD as a defense mechanism to try to ward off my fears. I am afraid that I actually have bad motives and am trying to protect myself from actually owning up to my problems. Actually, I’m pretty sure that this is true and I need to take more of the blame rather than deflecting.
  11. Take a break from work? Yes, I mean I do have breaks on holiday and such. This is when I am most distraught and miserable, and this is when I am more likely to succumb to compulsions. I have less time for ruminating if I stay as busy as possible, but I’m not sure if this is distraction or avoidance.
  12. Sorry you are going through this too. I am most distraught when I sit with the thoughts. I know you are supposed to just sit with them and let them be, and I understand the purpose of this in theory, but I can’t do this without feeling panicked.
  13. Whenever I stay extremely busy, my compulsions are much fewer. The intrusive thoughts are still there (and are a source of great fear if I allow myself to address them). However, if I stay busy with my job and other responsibilities to the point of exhaustion and don’t allow time to compulse, I seem “better.” (I put this in quotes, because I’m not sure if I actually am better). Due to this strategy, I have been able to maintain a full-time, demanding job. This makes me question whether this is actually OCD in the first place (as on its face, it doesn’t seem to be affecting my productivity in an observable way) and I am able to hide it outwardly. By staying busy, am I just avoiding the issues? I was hoping that eventually the thoughts would be less troublesome and cause less fear eventually, but this doesn’t seem to be the case. The thoughts never seem to lose their importance, even if I don’t actively allow myself to ruminate on them. This also makes me wonder whether they are actually OCD thoughts.
  14. I am having trouble with this too. I keep reminding myself that it would be unfair for me to prevent them from playing with friends, going in public, etc. out of fear, as this could have detrimental effects on their development. At the same time, I am doing all I can to protect them per CDC/ECDC recommendations (vaccine, etc). I am not avoiding the news per se, but I am trying not to intentionally google news stories about pediatric deaths. I completely understand how you are feeling, though. I have been having a particularly difficult time with this fear during the current flu season.
  15. Thanks, PolarBear. I’m just having a very hard time discerning OCD thoughts from non-OCD thoughts. I certainly can’t just brush everything off in my mind as OCD (assuming I actually have it), but I do realize (as you’ve said) that acting on these particular concerns could have some real-life, damaging consequences. So I’m afraid either way.
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