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  1. Hi BelAnna, Yes, the same as Lynz wrote, only without the anger. When my anxiety level is extremely high and when I didn't get enough sleep due to the anxiety I cry at really harmless things and what is most annoying in front of others.
  2. Exposure overdue

    Yes, you can do too much, but I also find it difficult to do it slowly. For me it's either black or white. If I give in to the first checking impulse it gets worse throughout the day. I never can resist a whole day but the longer the better the day. I read in the self-help-books to do it slowly and step by step but for me it seems to be comparable to a drug additiction in THIS context: If you have the first glass or the first pill that's it. But not to give in at all is also hell. This anxiety level is unbearable. I definitely worsened the situation by pushing too fast but doing it slowly also doesn't work.
  3. OCD themes

    Yes, the same here. A few themes currently. Checking work and electrical devices, driving (often have to go back if really nothing happened). New now the thought that I forgot to put my jeans on. Constantly checking even though I can feel them. New now also that I cannot answer the phone correctly. I'm sometimes even too afraid to answer it even though of course I have to at work. And having to re-do things in case of a catastrophic thought. Others are gone completely. My first OCD theme - religious fears - disappeared completely and never came back.
  4. Am I doing this right?

    Hi Headwreck. Regarding your question, I don't think there is a general answer since we're all different. As I wrote I cannot get help from a therapist here so self help is the only option. For me it doesn't work. It gets worse and worse. As I said there is no general answer but it's certainly easier (as if easy can be applied with OCD) with help of a therapist. I would not recommend to use only self help - maybe additionally but not as only way
  5. By no means I want to "abuse" Contaminated's thread so I hope that the question is also helpful for him. How can you tell the difference if a one-time-check is a compulsion or a necessary thing required by the ask or at least recommendable to reduce the amount of mistakes??
  6. Hello ContaminatedOCD, Sorry to hear what you're going through. I think from an OCD Point of View it's definitely best not to check at all but I think sometimes it's necessary to check your work - once. I can certainly not give an advice since I've the same problem. Maybe it's a help to visualize it, I mean to divide the exam in x tasks and then making a huge mental tick-off-sign (don't know the English word) behind point 1, 2, 3....after having them checked once and then move on no matter how stressful. My answer may OCD-wise be completely wrong but I really think there are tasks and things which require a check (one time).
  7. No official diagnose

    Hello Taurean, Thank you for your answer. I've read my current self-help book first and wanted to read it a second time now starting with the work. I cannot even make a ranking of the obsessions since the fear level they cause seems to be similar. And I noted that really every single task I do is done in a compulsive way. I cannot move forward without any help. I wish I could go back. I did not have a happy life but it was manageable. Of course it was time-consuming to check everything several times, stressful and definitely not free but now it's nightmare. But I know that you cannot give me an advice how to "install the old system" again when recovery should be the goal. To be honest, I absolutely don't know what to do any more. This all-time-fear is a nightmare.
  8. Yes, exactly the same. Unfortunately I cannot offer any help since I did not find any remedy. It feels as if a huge spider is on my back.
  9. No official diagnose

    Hello BelAnna, Thank you very much for your reply. I don't live in the UK. I live in a rural area and the knowledge about phsychological problems seems to be very low. I'm very scared to have another bad experience. The reactons of the 2 GPs I described above really hit me hard. Therefore I would like to ask the question if it is at all possible to get any better without a therapy or medication. As I said I tried hard but it gets worse and worse.
  10. No official diagnose

    I would be thankful for any advice. English is not my first language so maybe not all expressions are correct but I'll try to describe the problem. Work is absolute horror for me. I'm so terrified to make a mistake that I have to check and double check. I can reach the point where I'm sure that everything is fine but it can take "an eternity". Sometimes it goes well but then I stumble over a figure which I've to read and reread a dozen times. I've to check a dozen time if all the lights are turned off and I cannot cook any more because my fear of having left the electric stove on is too big. And I've what you call here magical thinking. I often have to undo things and do them again to correct them. Last Autumn it was so bad that it was almost impossible to continue working. I could force myself to work with an extreme stresslevel but at home I'm completely immobile due to magical thinking and the fear the thoughts might cause. I've seen 2 doctors. The first obviously suspected that I was after a sick note. She said I was mentally completely healthy and I should work more or focus more on work then this nonsense in my head would disapper. I visited a second doctor. Here I got the answer that as long I was still able to work I would have things under control and I should be proud of it. I had my share with doctors so professional help is out of reach. I read self-help-books but the problems get worse and worse and the stress level gets higher and higher. And the complete system breaks down now. When facing fears and trying not to double-check things I realized that many more things are going on unconciously like doing everything in even figures.... I don't want to write too much making it too long to read but I would be extremely thankful for any help and advice.
  11. It seems to be impossible for me to get an official diagnose and I'm not sure if it's OCD but I desperately need help