luna blue

Hugs dear and thank you so much! Great topic!

Polar bear god bless you! Really man ! This is such great news! I ve been suffering since October 2016 hardcore and your words - they kind of set a limit on this sucker. Thank u!

You are so right! Between the despair and control there has to be fun! My therapist said to me that my homework this week is one day no cbt! Just do what I want . And this is a challenge- because !!!! what do I want? I want to get rid of my ocd and play with my son naturally without the monitoring but me wanting this so bad has become a very focused thing. So the trick today is not to do exposures do all the compulsions and try to take it easy:) this is so ironic:) but I am like ok - I just go with the flow:) this is so cool - the fact that you let go of your temporary condition ( because it is!) and enjoy yourself! I think this is where through exposure happenes because people who feel as guilty as we are - well it's hard to enjoy life then. So this is something I am taking with me- thank you so much!!!!

Great post! Very clear and helpful! Thank you for taking time and share this with us! i would as meditation. Just some mindfulness for 10 minutes a day or catharsis meditation . But of course that is personal. i have to say I admire you and it does sound that you are really doing everything you can to have a balanced life which is the one true cure for ocd in my humble opinion -both therapy and fun things ! Now I am learning to have fun again hugs hugs hugs!

Polar Bear Polar bear Hi, could you share few examples of What you did to recover? Also how long it took you since starting cbt? i have been diagnosed with having ocd for 31 years- all different themes - now as I look back it is so clear it has dominated my life and choices but I am 35 and I am very motivated to get better. As you know now I have pedophile themed ocd and would love to have your opinion on handling it. As you advised previously I try to give bath and hug my son and just stay through it. I say few times a day that I am a pedophile. I keep a journal where I write down all the exposures and compulsions I did/skipped. But all advise is welcome! Thank you so much !

Hi guys, Here is something that had pcured to me - when you "did" something ( touched something dirty , hugged your child and now thinking you are a pedophile, took a knife in your hand , or touched a needle, no matter what , ) just something that got your anxiety immediately very high - did you ever exposed yourself even more at that moment? I did it accidentally few times and it had a huge effect - positive one! I really felt a winner and then did it few times on purpose and also had a positive effect. Anyone experienced something similar?

I had to tape on video that I was a pedophile and it was tough. Very! But now I don't care about the word so much- am I a pedofile am I not who cares? It's just a word. Of corse the battle is not over! But the word is less treathening. So the what if , worked for me but slowly.

I remembered why I am also afraid of the earth! In our culture, people who use dark magic put earth under someone else door to bring bad stuff and death to those who live there! And ofc i dont want to accidentally bring harm to the ones i love, typical ocd.

Hi, thank you for a warm message! I really appreciate it. I will continue to expose myself! x

Yes! I am having emdr since may last year and cbt since December. I also do the 4 steps on my own and take sertraline. I am doing everything everything in my power to be a good mom.to be natural. And it's the hardest thing in the world. This theme ocd started October 2016 when I was two month pregnant and still going on. But I am slowly making progress. So I feel hopeful! Also since 14 February I am sharing this on this forum . I was to ashamed to speak to anyone in real life.

First of all thank you! I feel your comments have great value to me and I think to many others here! so just do it? Even if groisal arousal or whatever that is comes? Even if it feels like molesting, and you want to run away? I am just afraid that I am doing something wrong by touching his genitals by bear hand. Problem my mom never really hugged me or dad , so I don't know what is right, ok, good, for example my husband showers with the baby and it feels like torture. So sometimes I get confused as in what is the norm if you know what I mean.

Polar bear please! Tell me how you did it? I can only wash him with little washing sponge , not bare hand. And when I massage him or wash everything feels sexual:( I ve been working so so hard. And now doing exposures by myself as well , and really staying focus, but to touch his genitals - is something I cannot imagine. What is your advice? This baby is my everything and sometimes I am afraid to hug him:(

Also suicidal thoughts , especially with pedophile themed ocd and harm ocd. A lot! So don't take them in. Breath in , breath out. This is very very difficult theme you have

Did you describe to your therapist exactly what you did? The act I mean? I think this will help you! guilt and feeling of not right are the ocd tools .

How are you abusive? I don't see it on your text I am sorry. Maybe I just didn't understand, my English is not that great:) does your child struggling now from this? How do you know you was abusive? I mean ocd can tell you anything.

And I am ashamed to tell this ....some people I use to know 10,15 years ago:( As if I cannot let go of that moment and need to make it right!

Hi there, i was just wondering anyone is afraid to touch earth as in death related? As in when someone dies and you touch earful /throw earth/ and if you touch earth you bring death? I lost my father 2008 who I loved like crazy , in 2009 my brother, then another friend who I just met, then in 2010 my best girlfriend and my stepdad who I love a lot . It was very hard to get over that and was ocd all the time. I didn't know it was ocd. praying, hoarding, afraid I am the cause, feeling as if I can stop and doing everything to stop it, paranoid that more people die, anxious and tense all the time. I really came a long way with this form of ocd , but earth is still tricky. I feel like when I touch it I spread death.:( anyone there feeling something similar? i do touched it yesterday and today and it felt very uncomfortable. x

Omg! I do /have this to! Even people who were really really mean to me! Wowww

It's what polar bear says - perception, but it's very tough! I avoid any contact that "feels" wrong but since two weeks I try to hold him against my body , and all I can think about is the presence of his genitals so close which gives me dreadful anxiety. At the same time I am hyper focused on the sensory in the body. Do I feel something there? Do I feel something here? And so on:( I still push myself but I do believe when you feel like a pedophile everything "feels" dirty. So talk to your therapist about this moments that bother you. It's important to know where you are at. Hugs!

Also! fear and arousal feel are very close, so even if you hugged him to check if you were aroused- you probably felt fear. Its important to remember ocd is a hook which takes anything as bait. The fact that you are writing here feeling bad is a proof that it is ocd. So my advice - work on that and it will let go of your mind.

Hi there, I am in the same boat - and i have to tell you - its all ocd. For example - I hug my son ( in pampers and clothes! ) And press him against my body and 1) it feels disgusting as if i am abusing him, 2) to prove myself i keep on doing that. 3) guilt all the time. Now i know its ocd and i still hug him because it a compulsion not to but! you have to realize any possibility ocd can find- it will grasp it! any. So let go of guil and say to yourself you are a wonderful mom! To survive this- I have ocd for many years and PTSD but this form of ocd is the worst thing that ever happened in my head. Good luck love! You are not alone

Hi there! That is huge! Cogratz!

Hi there, I was feeling very sad about the world and so many sad things and now i help and do a little charity. Just personal. Not a foundation. It helps! People get very happy and you really help them out! Maybe you can find yourself cooking for someone? This brings real joy! An idea as how to bring some positivity and action:) xxx

Snowbear s right, it is def much better! Good job! Its hard, because of the emotional value we give to our thoughts - so you did very well. I had to write down my worst fears and reading them out loud. Disgusting at first, after few times- you ll feel so much better! The thing is by writing it down and by editing it you clean your mind. I would advise you to do some exercise /or dancing like crazy when alone - just to empty your mind. Your mind needs a catharsis my humble opinion because you are spinning and spinning. Well, the thing to remember - MIND CAN NEVER CALM ITSELF. I don't why but even Buddhist knew this many years ago. The way to calm mind is mindfulness, distraction, catharsis technique, gibberish meditation,...if you want i can send you some links. But don't fight your mind - distract it. You need to ''vomit'' your thoughts out. And you did so great by writing the whole thing, this is your mind vomiting. take care of yourself!

Hi Lost, Thank you for sharing your amazing experience! Would you say that ruminating - is a habbit? Or like an addiction? Thank you