Hello peoples! I have been lurking around for a while reading posts and its been really nice to see that I am not the only one that is like this. I haven't been officially diagnosed, but the definition of OCD pretty much matches the way my mind works perfectly. I haven't always been this way, but I started experiencing some disturbing intrusive thoughts almost a year ago, I though I was going insane. I thought I was losing my mind and was going to become one of those people you see on the news. The intrusive thoughts are only one thing I have been experiencing since this started. I have also been experiencing extreme anxiety about my health, every time I feel a pain or ache I immediately think the worst possibility, and with that come really bad anxiety. My compulsion with that is to immediately go to the doctor or Google it. The three biggest helps for me right now that I'm doing is Praying/Reading my Bible, spending time with family (Even though some of the disturbing thoughts are about them), and reading this forum. I'm glad to have found a really active forum, and hope to have many great conversations and learn more about this condition. I guess I will tell you how or where it started.
All this starts after one day I randomly have a really bad panic attack. Now remember I have no history of these so as you can imagine when I had it I thought I was dying of heart failure or something. Ever since that day, I have not felt the same. I have had bad anxiety almost everyday, and after that is when me being worried about my health, which then evolved into worry of family's health and picturing the day of their death which cause even more anxiety. I started going through entire scenarios where they died and had a funeral and I was there mourning all in my head. This then evolved into me having thought about "What if I am the one that causes it", which then generated imaged of me doing things and generating scenarios in my mind again, and never getting it out of my head, which got debilitating. Going in a loop over and over again, which in turn generated extreme amounts of anxiety and depression to the point of thinking of checking into an insane ward or isolating my self completely from society. And this went of for quite some time, for many months. It has gotten much better recently I have been praying a lot for recovery, I have been reading a lot of this forum, reading of other peoples issues and knowing that I am not the only one, also knowing that many have recovered, and also knowing that I am not losing my mind and going insane. I have also had a problem with anger, and irritability, mostly having to do with my mind set. But I have been improving, though I can see that I am not even close to being free of this yet. I still get intrusive thoughts but they don't impact near what they did when I first got them, and I am getting myself thoroughly checked out physically by doctors to put my mind at ease about my health so once I can see there is nothing physically wrong I can start dismissing my thoughts of illness. Which brings me to another point. I have lots of visions of my funeral, and dying. I get imagery of family members mourning, I am 23 years of age and I no expectation to make it past thirty. Which I know is no way to think, but I am unable to get these thoughts out at the moment. Thanks so much for reading, and I am glad to be a part of this forums where people share their experiences as well as their solutions. We are all different so no one solution works but cumulatively there are answers enough for everyone. I know this won't be easy to overcome judging by the posts I have been reading in recent weeks. Well that is my story
I am glad I finally worked up the courage to give a post thanks again for reading!
