Caramoole

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About Caramoole

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    Sufferer

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  1. No reassurance coming on any of those points Saz, you know why Good luck with the CBT, get that phone picked up and an appointment arranged, it's what you need
  2. Does it/would it cause you undue distress/anxiety Phil if you changed this Phil? I tend to agree with Mike that this is fairly common ?
  3. 9mg

    That's good Phil Do I sense that although there's some trepidation with every decrease, there's a bit of excitement too? One thing I found startling (unusual) was that once off Benzo's, panic attacks stopped, something I'd experienced the whole 12 years I was prescribed them. I'd expected the opposite. How are the side-effects at the moment? I found it helpful on bad days to remember that many of this is simply your body returning to normal. Tearfulness shows your ability to actually "feel" emotion again after years of being chemically coshed. Hopefully, you'll also start to find yourself laughing or being amused by something. Cramps are because the drugs are also used as a muscle relaxant and once removed, the opposite occurs. You are steadily returning to being you.....it just takes time. As well as the withdrawal programme, set yourself goals....start to do some of those things that panics made you avoid....trips to the shop, short walks on your own. You have a life to rebuild. I've been off Ativan (one of the difficult ones) for 26 years now and no matter what, I'd never take one again, not for a million pounds. Hope the appointment goes well tomorrow
  4. Elle....I'm not going to discuss this recent fear with you or engage with your OCD nor should anyone else. Read the advice and do your best to work with it. It is the way out of this distress, no matter how it feels that you can't..... you can, just do your best to try
  5. Having problems and anxiety with the "lesser" thoughts is probably more common than you think. The Biggies of OCD like fear of harming someone say , although terrifying when we first have them (and know nothing about OCD) are easier to recognise and work on dealing with. All my big OCD types, once I learned about the condition, were fairly easy (ish) to eliminate. That left me with "odd" smaller doubts, often quite minor but nonetheless, just as debilitating and unsettling. To this day I have to work on not being duped by doubts and thoughts that are far from obvious and that you won't read about in the books. That's why I'm a work in progress, a manager of my condition rather than describing myself as recovered. What I have learned (and continue to learn) is that when I find myself beginning to be troubled by a thought, thinking about it too much, I look at the way it makes me feel, at the anxiety (such a minor thought) is provoking and reasonably accept that this too is OCD. As to why you still feel this way when you're ignoring the thoughts....OCD doesn't just pack up and go the moment we change tack, it's a hard slog and as PB has said, it's taken a long time for this anxiety to develop, it takes time and repeated effort. Stick with it
  6. Elle, can you not see the pattern here? In the last couple of weeks (according to your thoughts) you have been raped, you have HIV and and now someone has sneaked into your home and stuck you with a needle! You have to work hard now to recognise that these are thoughts, doubts and fears created by OCD, not reality. Sure, they will feel very real, very convincing but as I've explained they will, and they will keep happening. On the journey to recovery the first step is accepting just how OCD can affect one, what sort of thoughts are common and then really taking this on board and applying the tried and trusted advice that we know works. When that first intrusive thought or puzzling "thing" happens you will probably feel an immediate whoosh of anxiety, it's at that point that you take action. You label it for what it is, you learn that your brain will try to pull you in to thinking about this, to investigate it and you work very hard to resist carrying out compulsions as a method to deal with it (namely, rumination, looking things up, checking, seeking reassurance). You take that first blow on the chin but carry on. It WILL continue to taunt you, over and again but you must work to resist those compulsions. Using compulsions to manage OCD, to try and work it out will ensure that you continue to struggle in this way. If you work towards reducing and stopping those compulsions recovery is around the corner. The same advice is true whatever the thoughts, whether it's fear of contamination (cleaning and disinfecting things), fear of harming (hiding knives and making sure you're not alone with people) or fear of being raped.....compulsions are the fuel that keeps the thoughts alive and troublesome. Back to the starting point, accept the cause of the fears and work on resisting those compulsions
  7. 9mg

    Good for you, keep doing all of these exposures that push you a little
  8. 9mg

    Have you walked to the shop yet?
  9. What's going on in your brain? Same explanation as yesterday, OCD! As PB has explained, as long as you try to work this out by going over it, it will keep bothering you. The OCD brain will continue to entertain itself as long as you indulge it. Writing down the events of that evening (as you've done again above) is just a form of rumination. Why have you written it? It's not for our benefit, you've already explained the situation that bothers you. You're writing it down to try and work it out, to find clarity. You won't. As I said yesterday, this is going to keep challenging you and you have to be ready for that and ready resist the urge to ruminate, to solve it. Doing so is strengthening how much of a hold OCD will have over you. Many (most) people make the mistake of being comforted by that initial Light Bulb Moment when they think....."Phew, it's only OCD" only to be knocked flat on their back a couple of hours later when that same old thought, that doubt comes back. It will, and will do many times. Work at reducing and resisting the compulsions and it will gradually get easier, continue with compulsions and your OCD inflamed brain will play with you like a cat with a mouse. It's not easy Elle.....like weight-training, like a diet, learning a new language, driving a car......it needs practise each and every day for it to work, the results are not instant.
  10. Just beware how you do this because although you need to ignore them, you also have to be careful not to supress them or push them away. You need to acknowledge that they are as a result of OCD, troublesome but meaningless. Also, don't try working them out as that will slip into rumination in the bat of an eye. It can take as little as one rogue thought to spin us back into the anxiety loop if we're not careful. And remember, this won't go right overnight, there will be bumps in the road
  11. I've no doubt!! And I'll be bending your ear again Seriously, we are/all have been sufferers here so we do know a bit about this I've had years of making mistakes, as have most....so it's important we share that knowledge and help others to get beyond those mistakes a bit faster than we did. It's easy when you're stood on the outside looking in, I do understand how convincing the fears are when they're hammering you at full belt......but they are just fears caused by OCD and extreme anxiety. Hang in there and work hard on resisting those compulsions, the urge to get pulled in is strong but you ARE actually stronger. Good Luck
  12. Well Done Keep at it, you will slip up but really concentrate and practise postponing and it will get easier.
  13. People with OCD are always convinced by the thing that they fear, whatever it is. If it didn't feel 100% real we wouldn't have the problem we do, would we? "What if", those are two of the main words that sustain and maintain OCD. You're afraid of having HIV and dying and yet, you talk of ending it. There's a sort of irony in that. We can only advise but it's sad when people don't try to put the advice to use. Yes, you're very afraid but it's the things that you're doing that are heightening that fear and making you feel even worse. Come on Elle, give it a try, you really have nothing to lose and everything to gain
  14. You've got to stop trying to work it out. Stop reading and researching about OCD. You've to stop writing and re-writing the details down. Let the anxiety slap you in the face, ride through it by doing something else.....cooking dinner, playing a game, doing a puzzle, tidying a cupboard. When the anxiety strikes, identify what you feel compelled to do to bring the anxiety down.....and resist doing it. Let that first wave of anxiety hit you but do nothing, just be aware of it and accept it for what it is. Don't head for the computer or ask a friend or take any action designed to ease the anxiety. I know it seems the opposite of what you want to do but you need to walk towards the fear rather than head away from it.