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About arctic_vixen80

  • Birthday 22/03/80

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  • Interests
    Painting, drawing, computers, animals, walking, trampolining and seeing friends.

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  1. My room is a bit clutted. I hoard a bit but not to bad. I have things on the floor and I think I'll tidy them up today and then when I look at it, I just don't feel the motivation. I tidy in bits to try and make it a bit easier.
  2. I hope my sex drive comes back. I think it was the anti psychotic risperidone and that made it go. Thank you ACE. I might show my brother this thread. I dunno if I can get him to understand. Sorry to hear you had such bad depression. Yesterday I got up ok but today stayed in bed. Feel like nothing can help again. I just dunno how to get through the days at the moment. I'll be careful with the diazepam. I wish I could find an alternative way to calm down.
  3. I'm with Jules on the sensory motor OCD. Not enough is known about it.
  4. I have 33 2mg ones. I don't like to take them to often because I think I heard some where if you take them to much the effect of them stops working.
  5. Thanks for your reply EzioAuditore. Self help wise I do a bit of mindfulness meditation and a technique called emotional freedom technique. I have a few self help books but dunno how to apply them to my sensory motor OCD. Thank you ACE. Yeah I said to my brother is I could change and be well I would be working, living in my own place, living like other people in heartbeat. I don't feel like I'm doing my best though. Today I couldn't bare to face the day and stayed in bed until 5pm. I felt anxious and had to take a diazapam to get myself up.
  6. Thank you Ace for your reply. This illness is awful the way it makes me feel so low. I'm not deliberately trying to let life pass me by. My brother doesn't understand what it's like to have sensory motor OCD. If I didn't suffer from this I would move on with my life. I hope I can come through this. I just dunno how. Thank you Ace that's very kind of you. x Thanks for your reply Jules. Sorry to hear about your Mum that must have been very tough for you. I've had obsessions with death. I feels scared about what happens after death. Yeah one of fears is having sensory motor OCD for life. I'm really struggling to just let the awareness be there and accept the swallowing but I have managed to do it with blinking and breathing. My family don't understand why I'm so scared about the awareness of swallowing. I wish I was like them. Yeah I find swallowing very uncomfortable. It is scary how it's portable and you can avoid it very easily. For people that are say scared spiders, knifes etc they can just leave the room but swallowing and breathing stays with you. I really hope that there will be good therapist at CADAT that can understand my problem. Thank you that's very kind of you. x
  7. :hug: Thanks Cub. Sorry to hear you've had that feeling of being scared and finding it hard to carry on too. It's a horrible feeling. I just don't know how long I can go on like this. I'm worried I won't be able to carry on long enough to wait for the treatment. I've been scared about the awareness of swallowing since I was 18 and I wonder how they can change that. I also wonder why other people aren't scared of it. I wish I could be like them. Yeah I like walking the dogs. The dogs cheer me up a bit sometimes. I started walking my friend's, Mum's dog recently and she's very friendly and affectionate. x0x
  8. Thank you Jules for your reply. Sorry to hear you've had the breathing one. Mine all started off from the breathing. I also had a panic attack but I thought I had forgotten how to breath naturally. It was months before I realised I could breath naturally but it still really scared me how I couldn't stop being aware of it when I wanted too. It spread to blinking and swallowing. The swallowing one has been the worse. Over the years I've managed to not be bothered by the blinking one. Breathing still bothers me a bit but I hardly ever think about it now. Sorry to hear about your Dad and losing your job. That must have been very tough for you. I find it impossible to enjoy myself any more. It's just constantly there. That's good you had a bit of success with therapy. Yeah sensory motor OCD isn't very well known. I had one really good therapist who helped me with the breathing one. I've learned that you have to accept the awareness and not let it bother you. If it doesn't bother you, it goes away. Cub, it's an awful feeling. I feel so afraid all the time and fed up with this constant awareness of swallowing. I don't wanna commit suicide but if things don't get better, I can't live like this. Sometimes I go to this dog rescue place and take dogs for walks. I've started walking my friend's Mum's dog sometimes too. I see friends but I find it impossible to enjoy myself. Thanks Gasspanic. It feels like it's not really been going away. It's been bad for over a year now and I keep wondering how it's gonna get better. Thanks for your reply Tabatha. I really hope my sex drive will come back. It's been freaking me out as well. That's good that the people at the Centre for Anxiety Disorders are so caring. I hope they can help me but I wonder what on earth they could possibly do to help me. Thanks for the hugs and tea. Each day I'm finding it hard to cope with the constant awareness of swallowing, I feel afraid, like I wanna scream, I feel I'm in hell. I just wanna be well and normal like other people. x0x
  9. It is so hard to feel positive right now. I really want to be able to but I just feel like there's nothing that can help me. I can't imagine how I'm gonna get better but I hope it's possible. True I can settle down any time. Last few days I've been constantly thinking about suicide and ways to do it. Just feel completely hopeless and fed up with the constant awareness of swallowing. I went out for a bit and walked my friend's, Mum's dog but I just couldn't enjoy myself with the constant awareness of swallowing. Yesterday I spoke to my brother and he said I'm letting life pass me by. He said I should seek employment anyway and just put up with the swallowing but I just can't cope with a job right now. I'm really struggling to get through each day. x
  10. Thanks for your reply Roy. Thanks for researching sensory motor OCD. It's kinda similar I guess to Penny's problem grinding teeth. I like meditation but sometimes I haven't got the motivation or patients to do it. I get very bored just sitting there. I have a few meditation CDs and sometimes listen to the meditations on youtube. My psychiatrist has referred me to the centre for anxiety disorders and trauma in London. I just feel like there's nothing that can help me with this, except if someone was erase all these fear memories about swallowing. It does make me feel very depressed. I will try and be positive but finding that so hard. I will definitely engage with the therapist and tell them everything about my sensory motor OCD. I really hope the therapy gets me better. Thanks for your reply ACE. I really hope I can come through this. I guess at 33 I feel I should be settled down and starting a family by now but I know you can have a relationship any time in your life. x0x
  11. That's good that those books were able to help you Taurean. I've read Brainlock and found some of it helpful but not really sure how I can use it on sensory motor OCD. I hope I can find the right method for treating this OCD. I've been a bit better today. I think because I went out. Some of the anxiety is starting to return though. I think I might do a bit of meditation.
  12. Thanks for your reply Lovid. I'm really hoping mine will come back. It's making me feel quite panicky.
  13. Thanks legalseagull. I'm seeing my psychiatrist on Tuesday and my Doctor is phoning me on Wednesday so I will talk to them about it. I just can't help worrying about it.
  14. I started taking Risperidone last year about maybe 4 months ago and I think that's when I noticed my sex drive and all feelings down there disappeared. At first it didn't worry me to much but sexual problems with my ex boyfriend started to make me worry. I started researching Risperidone on the internet and I came across other forums and in every forum I read lots of people were saying they had taken Risperidone and lost their sex drives and after they stop taking it, their sex drives never returned. I read one forum post where I guy believed his d2 receptors that inhibit prolactin were severely damaged as well as other nuerotransmitters in the brain due to taking Risperidone. I had a blood test and my prolactin levels are really high which apparently stops your sex drive or something. I'm really worried that I will never get my sex drive back. It was like the one of the only pleasures I still had left and now I'm completely numb down there. I also read you can lose your sex drive from taking Fluoxetine. I think when I started taking Fluoxetine my sex drive was ok but I'm not entirely sure now. As far as I know it started when I took the Risperidone. I already felt suicidal and losing my sex drive and all feelings down there has made me like there's just nothing left for me in life. Something I really wanted in life was to find a bloke who would be my soul mate, companion and best friend but now it feels like if I have no sex drive, I can't ever have that. Who'd wanna be with a women that can't have sex?
  15. Thank you Legalseagull. I guess I still have time to meet someone. I don't think I'm ready to be in a relationship at the moment. If I ever get better then I wanna be with someone. My sex drive was fine until I started taking risperidone. I also worry that it could be the fluoxetine causing it but think it happened when I started taking risperidone. Thanks for your reply cub. Sorry to hear you feel damaged beyond repair to. It's a horrible feeling. I'm hoping my sex drive will return. I've had to go back on the risperidone as I wasn't coping. Yeah it doesn't help to worry about the future. I hope I can find someone who will love me despite the medication side effects with my sex drive. Thanks for your reply Laura. I need to take it a step at a time. I will read your blog. x0x