LizzyHoy

Thank you! It wasn't the best decision for my mental health but I do enjoy research and hopefully it will turn out to have been the right decision for my long term career satisfaction. Good work on finishing your Masters - they are intense! Yes I know what you mean, I was more asking what I should do in terms of getting more help? My mum and partner have offered to help me pay for private treatment, so I am in a privileged position because that's not an option for many people. But if I do try to stick with the NHS what should I ask them to do? At the moment they have just left me to ring the CBT therapist for a follow up when I choose but that would only be one session and I am worse now than I was before I started CBT, so I feel like attending for only one session would just be demoralising. I believe I was on step/level(?) 3, the one that is above help from a PWP.

I had 20 sessions in total, but it wasn't a big help. I think they had me on the wrong level of therapy, it wasn't the PWP level but it was the one above that, rather than specialist/high intensity support. I worked so hard on those 20 sessions and I feel like I haven't got the energy to do another lot of them right away, especially as I'm trying to write up a PhD thesis at the moment. What do you recommend if you have the 20 sessions and you are still very unwell? (I'm also on a high dose of sertraline which I've been on for a few years now - it doesn't seem to help but when I tried to come off it OCD got even worse).

Rucker - that's an excellent idea regarding pairing therapists with people seeking treatment. The less stigma associated with OCD the easier it'll be to achieve. I know what you mean about people with different manifestations of OCD helping you to see your OCD for what it is. It is so strange that the brain goes wrong in such a specific, and wildly irrational(!) way. My mum also has OCD, one of her things is making sure the door is locked. For me on the outside of her OCD I can see that it's irrational but I can also understand how she is feeling.

Thank you both for your replies. Apologies again that this is a bit of a rant(!) I'm having a hard time at the moment. Snowbear - thank you for your thoughts on cognitive therapy. It was difficult for me at the time because when I pointed out that exposure alone wasn't helping she suggested it was because I wasn't willing to jump in with both feet on it. But I was trying harder than I did on the occasion I actually recovered! She is quite young so I'm not sure if it will be due to her training being only ERP based. Her training in OCD might not be extensive enough to help someone who has very severe OCD and who already has a lot of insight into their own condition. To be honest I think that there is an issue with the way things are being done with IAPT - there's more low level support than there used to be but if you have severe mental illness then it's still difficult to access the appropriate level of help. I am a bit unfairly biased against IAPT because they used to train in the building I worked in and they were noisy when I was trying to work! I do research in the area of Psychology and I have colleagues who look at how therapy is delivered, and how there is often an assumption that if therapy doesn't work then it's the client's fault, not the therapist's. It probably feeds into the disparity between mental and physical healthcare - if you have treatment for a physical problem and you don't improve very much, then they will try another treatment. Admittedly I did improve from the beginning to the end of therapy, but nowhere near as much as I had in the past (and which I knew was possible for me). Yet therapy ends when you run out of NHS sessions, not when you're better. Rucker - Please don't let my experiences stop you from seeking help. I have had some excellent CBT on the NHS in the past - it partly depends on who the therapist is and how much you can learn from them about how to deal with the OCD. Regarding 20 sessions - I think they aim to give only 6, and then they extend it to a maximum of 20 if the person needs it. I think it's to do with funding. I would assume the next step in my case would be to refer me to high intensity therapy, but they haven't suggested that, they've just left me to 'be my own therapist' - which is the ideal if you can do it, but at the moment my OCD is too severe for me to manage successfully on my own. I think if I spoke to the GP again they would hopefully refer me for high intensity therapy, but apparently the waiting list for that is 12 to 14 months in my area at the moment. I think the sort of therapy I had is probably great for people with moderate OCD and other mental health conditions, or for people with severe OCD who haven't had experience with therapy before. It teaches you skills to manage your mental health better. It just wasn't very helpful for me as I have about 15 years' experience of reading about OCD and have seen many therapists in the past, so I knew most of the techniques, I was looking for someone to work with me to apply them.

Edit: Apologies that this is not a very positive post, I just wanted to share my thoughts regarding something that was said further up the thread about how helpful the cognitive part of CBT can be. I had CBT on the NHS recently. It was the first time I'd had CBT since 2012, when I used it to get well (no one thought I could get well as my OCD was so severe but I did it!) However I got ill again over the last couple of years, hence the recent CBT. The recent therapist was very focused on exposure (with some mindfulness), and didn't want to do any cognitive work. I worked very hard, it was really difficult, but it didn't 'stick' like it did in 2012, when I had started with the cognitive work. I kept suggesting that I needed a more cognitive approach but the therapist was determined to stick with exposure as she was worried that cognitive therapy could feed into the OCD. Eventually I had to tell her that I wasn't prepared to do any more exposure without the cognitive support, and she accepted that we could do some cognitive stuff based on what worked for me in the past. Unfortunately by this point we had used 16 of the 20 sessions I was given by the NHS, and there wasn't enough time to make much progress. I ran out of sessions in May and now my OCD is the worst it's been since pre-2012.

Thanks Oceanblue - I know quite a lot of it was focused on me(!) so I'm pleased it was helpful and not just a splurge of information!

You mentioned that you are in the process of being diagnosed so you might have already considered this, but working out excessively sounds like a symptom of anorexia. I know you said it's not about your weight, so it may be OCD alone, but if you are in touch with a medical professional it might be worth talking to them about whether anorexia (or a related condition) could be causing problems for you.

Hi all, Sorry this post is quite long! Just wanted to add that I have this problem as well. I think I actually started drinking a lot as a way to try and ease the OCD symptoms/depression. Then with CBT and after many years I managed to get on top of the OCD (it has come back to an extent now but that's a different story). But even though I no longer use drinking to 'help' with anxiety I still have difficulty with the amount that I drink at times. It is like I pushed through the sensible 'stop drinking' boundary lots of times when I was seriously mentally ill with OCD and now that I no longer want to do that, it's difficult to get that boundary back. This means I semi-regularly have evenings where I can't remember the whole evening. OCD then seizes on that to tell me I've done something terrible (usually that I've cheated on my partner). Below are some things that I have found helpful when this form of OCD strikes. This might not be appropriate advice for everyone - I am in a strange position where many years of therapy have meant I can sometimes get my brain to ignore OCD with more success that I could when I first got ill, so if some of these suggestions sound impossible remember they won't always be impossible! I think to myself that by constantly obsessing about my fears I don't get as much done and I can't be a particularly productive person, so it would be better for me to ignore those thoughts. It is also harder for my partner if I keep obsessing over things I might have forgotten - he is not worried that I have done something, so by going over and over it I cause him more stress (I don't mean that you should hide OCD from your partner or feel bad for the effects your OCD has on others, this is just something I find helpful to remember). OCD tells me I have to feel guilty constantly just in case I did something wrong by him, but in reality the best thing I can do for him is move on from the fear/guilt to the best of my ability. A nice thing to remember is that the way forward is to help yourself feel happier! Focusing on the fears doesn't help you or anyone else, but you feeling better helps you and those around you. It took me about a week to get my mind back on an even keel after the last time this happened (which was quite recently, about 2 weeks ago). I decided to accept that I had made mistakes by drinking so much and that I couldn't remember everything. I had annoyed my friend a bit with my drunken behaviours, so I discussed it with her, apologised, and decided to do my best not to do it again. I also apologised to my partner for getting home in such a drunk state, and told him what I did remember. I agreed with both my friend and my partner that we would draw a line under it (if in the unlikely event I did do something wrong, it would have been a stupid drunken mistake and not something that needs to threaten my relationships, so there is no point trying to find out what happened - it would just cause unnecessary upset). Then I decided not to drink for a while. I haven't drunk since then, and I'm planning to stay sober throughout October. I'm hoping that after having a break from drinking I will be able to 'recalibrate' the amount that I drink. (I know this is not necessarily possible if you have a serious problem with alcohol but I have decided I'm going to try it as I do have some control over my drinking, just not as much as I would like). I'm trying to teach myself that I can have a nice time at social events without drinking. It is a bit of a challenge when everyone else is drinking, but it's nowhere near as difficult as dealing with the OCD after a night of heavy drinking. As the occasion when I got too drunk was recent I am feeling a bit anxious thinking about it, but on the whole I have managed to move on from it. The more time I can put between me and that evening the better I feel.

Good news! I'm glad the doctor was helpful.

Sorry you have been having a particularly difficult time recently. To second what PolarBear said - it sounds like OCD to me. When I was first 'diagnosed' with OCD I basically just went to the doctor, told them I had OCD and explained a bit about my symptoms. I had known I had OCD for 6 years before that, but I was trying to cope without medical support. (Unfortunately) a lot of people with OCD know a lot more about their condition than their GP does. I don't think anyone has assessed me and deduced that I have OCD, I have just told them and they have tried to treat it. Occasionally I have filled in questionnaires which assess the level of OCD symptoms, but I think that was after I had begun to get treatment for OCD. Even though you haven't heard a doctor say 'OCD', it is probably written on your medical records, at least in terms of the reason you have been prescribed support. I think the main use in having an 'official' diagnosis is so that if you meet new doctors/therapists they know you have that condition, but in terms of treatment it shouldn't be a big issue whether a doctor has said 'OCD' or not. That is based on my personal experience in the UK. Of course the NHS is undergoing some changes at the moment but as far as I know it doesn't have to be a clinically assessed diagnosis in order for you to access help.

Hi Zico, The fact that you have been testing the gloves, and the intrusive nature of the worries, suggests that this is OCD. My OCD also went through a phase of focusing on HIV, even though the chances of me having caught it were tiny; I hadn't done anything that would have put me at risk. So this is definitely a topic that OCD has been known to focus on! It is of course normal and sensible to follow a certain level of precaution with this sort of thing. I would suggest gauging what other health professionals do and trying to emulate their behaviour, or look at the guidelines for dealing with blood samples etc. Anything beyond the guidelines/typical procedure is likely to be OCD and unnecessary. A psychologist once helped me by encouraging me to think 'would a mentally healthy person do this?'. If the answer is 'no', then you don't need to do it. As I'm sure you know that it is best if you can resist getting tested, though I appreciate it is very difficult. If you did get tested, it would come back clear, OCD would settle down for a few days, and then it would start up again (e.g. what if I contracted a disease that the test couldn't pick up? What if I've contracted one since I had the test? and on and on!). Hope this is helpful!

Hi, I'm sorry to hear how difficult it is for you at the moment. I can empathise with a lot of your post - my obsessions have also covered pretty much everything over the years, and my relationship is one of the things they focus on at the moment. I think it would be good to try to explain Pure O to your girlfriend - you can focus on the less dramatic forms of it in your initial explanation if you're worried about scaring her. Showing her a video about OCD wouldn't be a compulsion, it'd be a way of helping her understand what OCD involves. I'd also recommend encouraging her to ask questions if she doesn't understand, or if she sees you behaving a certain way and doesn't know why you are doing it. Another key thing you might want to make clear is that OCD is focusing on your relationship at the moment because your relationship is one of the most important things in your life - OCD always picks on our worst fears. Regarding how to explain it: imagine if you saw a tiger in your house - you would panic and react immediately and in a big way. The fact that we respond to danger in this way is important for our survival. However, in OCD, we respond to imagined or unlikely threats with the same level of fear as we would if those things were really happening - for example, reacting to a picture of a tiger as though it was a real tiger. Even though a lot of the time people with OCD know intellectually that their thoughts are not real, this doesn't stop the emotional parts of our brains reacting as though they are real, which can be terrifying. Recent research suggests that the brains of people with OCD are not very good at accepting 'safety signals'. So to use the tiger example, if a person thought they saw a tiger, panicked, then realised it was only a picture, they would immediately feel better. Someone with OCD would find it very difficult to accept that it truly was only a picture - "but what if I did see a tiger and it has just moved behind the picture of the tiger?" OCD is really good at making you think "but what if...", and we find it very hard to simply accept that the thing we are worried about is ok and think about something else. You mention your 'constant accusations' towards your girlfriend, which makes me a little concerned about the effect it may be having on her, which I know you are also worried about. It's good that you know these accusations are linked to your OCD - they are caused by your fears, not her actions. I think it's important to help her understand this, but at the same time make sure OCD doesn't become an excuse for unfair comments towards her. You could think about how you communicate the thoughts to her - I wrote an example of how to phrase your fears in a way that is less accusatory, but seeing as I don't know what your specific fears are I have deleted that example so that I don't accidentally trigger any new OCD fears! But I'm happy to give an example if you want to be more specific. Hope some of this is helpful!

I'm not sure if this is applicable to the original poster but to anyone thinking of following the suggestions posted above: I have read that taking 5 HTP at the same time as antidepressants can be risky, please make sure you ask a doctor if you are thinking of taking these sorts of supplements. As an example sertraline (Zoloft), an antidepressant which many people take for OCD, can have a significant interaction with 5 HTP which can be dangerous.

Hi all, I know this is a topic that is addressed semi-regularly on the forum, but I just wanted to ask a couple of specific questions about it. I'm 26 now, I started taking antidepressants when I was 17 (switching between different ones but never coming off them). I've been on Sertraline for about 3 years. I've been 'on top' of my OCD for almost 3 years as well (primarily due to successful CBT in 2012/13, not the Sertraline itself). Ideally I'd like to come off antidepressants, or at least reduce the dose. I haven't had any psychological therapy for OCD since I got on top of it in 2012/13, but I've managed to keep it at bay and I haven't had a serious relapse. OCD is still a part of my life but it's a minor part now rather than all-encompassing, as it used to be. About a year or two ago I managed to get my dose down from 200mg to 175mg. I tried reducing it to 150mg but me and people around me noticed that I was getting more worried about things/OCD was getting a bit worse, so I went back up to 175mg. I tried again to reduce it to 150mg recently but I've had what I'd describe as ongoing low level worries about harming others, so I have gone back up to 175mg. The main thing I'd like to know is: when you reduce the dose, is it common for OCD symptoms to start coming back? If they do come back, is this just for a short period of time, or does the OCD continue at that level? If the increase in OCD following a reduction in dose is temporary then I'm happy to push through it, but if decreasing the dose is likely to put me in a worse position OCD wise in the long term then I'd rather stay on the medication. Has anyone else had experience with this? Thanks!

That's good to hear, it sounds like you're making good progress Do you have any resources that have been particularly helpful?