Cigarette Smoking Man

Hi all After a bunch of awareness-raising activities a few years ago, I've finally completed work on a new book about OCD, focusing in particular on the pure-O side of things. Drawing on my own lifelong experiences with OCD it looks at OCD from a broader perspective, and examines the relationships between OCD, identity and inclusion. It also focuses on the obsessive/compulsive behaviours evident in those without an OCD diagnosis, indulging my inner music nerd to draw parallels with the music of Marc Bolan and Daniel Johnston. Building on de Silva's research from the 70s, and with reference to more recent research by Christine Purdon, David Clark, Oliver James and others, I suggest that if people without OCD diagnoses can recognise the same OCD patterns of thinking within themselves, there can be a better understanding of those living with OCD, fewer labels, and stronger mutual support. It mixes fiction with non-fiction, because I find that sometimes the former can better illustrate the experience of OCD than the latter. I am looking for willing volunteers to read a draft of the book, in the hope that it might a) help them with their own challenges with OCD and b) allow them to offer some anonymous feedback for inclusion in the book alongside the academic feedback I've already received (though this isn't obligatory by any means). I'm not expecting to make any money out of the book, but obviously the more feedback I can get the more likely I am to get it published and distributed, meaning more people can hopefully benefit from it. It's a message I really want to spread to the world after so many years of living with OCD. I am aware there are a number of things like this that crop up on the OCD-UK forums, and there may be concerns from the forum moderators (and rightly so). I'm happy to submit a copy to / discuss it with forum moderators etc in the first instance - send me a PM if need be. I am 100% aware of the horrors that OCD can bring, and hope that today is better than yesterday for everyone reading this. Warm wishes David Griffiths www.davidagriffiths.uk

I find OCD a bit like a puzzle. I’ve had it for 20 years, and there are still many aspects of it that I don’t understand. But every now and then another piece of the puzzle seems to fall into place. Most recently, I’ve been thinking about reassurance seeking and the internet. We’ve probably all done it at some point. I certainly have. I have an obsessive thought, and I turn to Google to find a reassuring voice on the internet to make me feel better. I may well find it. But then – there’s always someone who says the complete opposite, and that makes me feel a whole lot worse. That’s the beauty of the internet. It’s a free forum of expression. Great in most cases. Not great if you’re trying to deal with a major obsession. This got me thinking about what it is that OCD actually feeds upon. I get so hung up on what is right and what is wrong, and yet the more I look at the world around me I realise that things are seldom that black and white. Take religion for example – I had a major OCD issue relating to this several years ago. In my opinion, there isn’t a right or wrong answer to the big questions in life. We can simply take the evidence presented to us and form our own opinions and beliefs. That is what makes us who we are. Our decisions, our convictions, our actions. When I thought about this, I realised that OCD challenges our convictions, our beliefs, no matter what they are. It so often generates doubt and insecurity about things that are fundamental to us, hence it being such a terrifying experience. This brings me back to the internet. The internet will nearly always give you both sides of the argument. It will tell you that God exists, or that God doesn’t exist. Whilst you might find someone who provides you with some reassurance, you may equally find someone who doesn’t. Reassurance seeking in general is a bad idea – but in my opinion the internet is a particularly bad place to do it. In the past, it has made my OCD much worse. I remind myself that I need to remind myself of my core beliefs and convictions, and not let OCD convince me otherwise. I say this like I’m on top of everything. I’m really not. I’m at a bad place right now. Trying to keep it together, trying to take one day at a time. I’m gradually starting to correctly label my most intrusive thoughts, but it’s taking a lot of effort. But writing about it helps. Particularly if it might help other people along the way. Wishing everyone a peaceful day, and hoping everyone is managing OK. CSM

Last year I wrote this album to raise awareness of the pure o form of OCD. It got me talking about it on the radio, and helped a lot with dealing with my illness at the time. It's free to download. The title track Doctor, Doctor is about that first, awkward trip to the GP - when things have gotten so bad, and you don't know what else to do - but have no idea what to expect. http://greychildren.bandcamp.com/album/doctor-doctor

I can relate to this - my OCD takes this form quite often. If you have established that these are OCD thoughts then this is a good first step. Generally, asking for reassurance (particularly when you know it's an OCD thought) is not a good idea. If it's likely to cause upset then don't let OCD get the upper hand. Don't let it upset the positive people and things you have in your life. Tell her that you are having a tough time with your OCD right now, but avoid going into the detail of the thoughts. If she asks what you're worrying about, just say that it's a very upsetting thought - that it's not real - and it's healthier for you not to engage with it. If you really feel you have to talk to someone about it, book in with an NHS counsellor. At least then it's in a neutral environment. Hope this helps. CSM

Just to pick up on what Stringbean says: As soon as the surgery opens, give them a ring and ask to register with a different GP. You don't need to give a reason. People do it all the time - I did it myself for exactly the same reasons. Unfortunately not all GPs are as knowledgeable and sympathetic about mental health issues as they should be, so it sounds like you need to switch in order to find the right one for you. It's one phone call - that's all that's needed. I'm only going to say this once, since I'm only fuelling your OCD: you didn't kill anyone. You would remember. Everything you are experiencing, every time you think about this, it's OCD at work. You need to find the strength to stop giving the thought air-time, difficult though it is to do so, particularly at stressful times of the year (like today!) Best wishes CSM

Hi there It sounds like you're in a very tough place right now, but its very positive that you feel able to come here and talk about it. > he told me to observe myself from the moment I feel that I have to wash my hands till I'm done washing them because that would make this go away. Note that I'm not a CBT therapist, just a fellow sufferer, but I think he is encouraging you to examine how you feel when you a) have the obsessive thought ('I must wash my hands') and b) when you engage with the compulsive action (i.e. washing your hands). I recently read a new book on managing OCD which recommended a similar action at an early stage of treatment; its part of learning how your obsessions and compulsions make you feel, part of learning to understand what's going on in your mind and, most importantly, why it's happening. I think this exercise will help improve your OCD as part of a longer-term strategy, but won't in itself 'cure' your OCD. I wonder if there's been a bit of miscommunication here, i.e. jumping from 1-5 without going throught 2,3 and 4 (if you catch my drift)? Why not give your therapist a ring, or arrange an additional appointment, just to clarify on your homework assignment. I'm sure he won't have a problem with this - if in doubt, ask - that's what he's there for. Hope this helps, and best of luck with your ongoing treatment. Be sure to check back and let people know how you're getting on Best wishes CSM

Hi Rachie Thanks for the encouragement, it means a lot. The anxiety has been varied - when I've been busy at work it's not been as bad as when I have a quiet patch, i.e. traveling home on the bus. I just want this feeling to pass. I feel a bit like I'm going mad :S Thanks again CSM

Hi A couple of days ago one of my worst obsessions was triggered unexpectedly and really knocked me for six. In the past I've tackled this through mental reassurance and rumination (I have pure-O type OCD), with help from diazepam. This time I chose not to do this, and haven't reassured myself about it for nearly two days. I have applied the four steps, and I'm letting the thought just 'sit there'. On the one hand I'm proud of myself for going so long without giving in to the urgent need to reassure myself. On the other I feel pretty terrible most of the time right now. I feel like a huge weight is hanging over me - it makes me feel nauseous, depressed and tearful. I am aware that, when fighting an obsession, it can take some time to get it under control, and that I should expect to feel like this. I guess I just want to know that it will eventually end, and that I'm doing the right thing. OCD is total devil; when it's not controlling how I feel it's making me doubt that I'm tackling this the right way. I don't need reassurance - I think I just need a bit of encouragement. I've really started to understand how much my obsessions can hold me in their grip. I am determined not to let future thoughts turn into an obsession of this magnitude - I have the tools to prevent this happening, so I guess there's some comfort to be had from this. Sorry to be all self-centred, just having a tough patch. Family wedding at the weekend - the added stress is not helping Cheers CSM

I don't consider myself a Christian, but I am aware that OCD can cause sufferers to avoid situations where OCD has been a problem in the past (I'm guilty of this myself). I think this is something that many (if not most) people with OCD can relate to, whether they are religious/atheist/agnostic/whatever. It's very sad that you are unable to pray or engage with your Christian life because of your OCD. Are you receiving any treatment, i.e. medication and/or CBT? Best wishes CSM

Hi Tigershark Just to say I'm sure you're going to have a great time, and huge congrats for not letting your OCD hold you back, particularly since it sounds like you've faced some big challenges recently. Enjoy yourself, have fun and remember everyone's here for you if you need any support along the way. CSM

Hi Will Just to say I'm in a similar position, albeit with a different obsession. The fact that you're pure-o seems to make little difference to the way you tackle your illness (I'm pure-o as well). The basic idea is that when you have the thought that causes you so much distress - i.e. I can't be 100% certain I'm not gay - the aim is to try and let the thought just 'sit there', rather than responding to it by any kind of compulsive act (be it worrying, ruminating, gathering evidence etc). The Four Steps book is very useful in this respect. It teaches you to identify the thought as an 'OCD thought', which I personally found very helpful. I can say to myself - 'that's my OCD. I feel this way because my brain isn't working properly. I'll acknowledge the thought and let it pass'. In many ways I feel this compliments the idea of exposure, in that you're not trying to block the thought - you're exposing yourself to the thought, labeling it for what it is and learning to let it pass. The problem is your mind and body are telling you it's a problem, when actually it isn't. This is in my opinon why OCD can be so difficult to fight, since you need to learn that your brain (and body) are giving you false information. There's always a little bit of doubt no matter what the scenario. I can never be totally 100% sure I'm not gay, not going to accidentally run someone over, not going to go to hell. People without OCD seem to be able to live with this doubt much more easily, simply because their brain is filtering their thoughts more effectively (assuming I've understood the book correctly). For more info I'd strongly recommend the Four Steps book (see OCD store). I'd love to say I'm all on top of my pure-O, but I'm really not. I'm at the start of a long battle, but I've learnt a lot from what I've read, and been helped a lot by medication. By taking the positive steps you've been taking in challenging your illness I have no doubt you can do this, but it may take time and a few setbacks along the way - this is all normal, so don't fret it. Best of luck to you. CSM

This is a fascinating topic. My belief is that a pre-disposition to anxiety-related illnesses (rather than OCD per se) can be inherited. My grandmother, my mother and I all suffer(ed) from severe anxiety-related illnesses, presenting itself in a variety of ways e.g. G.A.D., agorophobia, OCD etc. I don't feel that OCD is simply learned/acquired behaviour, since otherwise it would be difficult to explain a proven chemical imbalance, symptomatic of something not working properly. I do agree that OCD can be encouraged by learned/acquired behaviour, but don't consider this to be the root cause of it. That said, I think Paul's reference to 'bad luck' (in the absence of further research) is very important. Bad luck is in many cases the deciding factor in whether or not you will actually inherit an illness from one or other of your parents/relatives. So maybe the answer is 'a bit of everything, with a pinch of bad luck thrown in for good measure'. I also agree that OCD cannot be 'fixed'; I firmly believe that it's a chemical imbalance that needs to be managed, much like depression or schizophrenia. Hence treatment such as OCD focusing on managing the illness (making for a happier life) rather than curing it. CSM

Hi Tracey Sounds like a reasonably successful visit. In my experience, a mental health professional will commonly have a more detailed knowledge of treatment methods (including medication) for OCD than, say, a GP who tends to have a solid overview of a wide range of illnesses. As such it makes sense that your GP feels that, whilst they've doubtless made a good call on your medication, a mental health professional may recommend a slight alteration to your medication dosage. If this happens, I really don't think it's anything to worry about. If anything, getting a second opinion will only help ensure you're getting the best treatment possible. Ultimately, a mental health professional will (as you say) often have more clout than your GP, but at the end of the day remember that medication is largely a personal decision - if you're not happy with what either person is recommending then you have a right to say you don't want to take it. Hope this helps. CSM

No problem, it's not really a name anyway! RE: holidays - I know, why does it always flair up when we're trying to relax and enjoy ourselves? One thing I've noticed is that even people who don't suffer from OCD can get pretty anxious about things when going on holiday. My wife, who doesn't suffer from OCD, gets really anxious when travelling, for example worrying about whether she'd left the iron on. My point is that I think holidays (travelling in particular) can be a pretty stressful experience for most people, particularly those suffering from anxiety-related conditions such as OCD, increasing the likelihood of going through a bad patch. I think the commonly-held belief that holidays are relaxing is somewhat misplaced - I think they can be relaxing, but there can be a large stress payout at the beginning and end that can override any benefits the break may bring. If you catch my drift. I'm off on holiday soon myself, wonderfully timed to coincide with an adjustment in my medication, so currently very nervous about the trip but trying to keep positive.. CSM