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Think my son has OCD


Guest Ruth1

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Guest Ruth1

Hello everyone

I've been hovvering around this forum for a few weeks, trying to pluck up courage to post and finally here I am doing it.

For a while now I've suspected my 12 year old son may have a contamination OCD, but not really wanting to believe it. From reading many posts here, I realise that his problems are comparitively mild (mostly handwashing issues and worry over ilness) but are nonetheless very upsetting and hard for us to understand.

I'm going through so many emotions at the moment, and to be honest am truly scared about what the future holds for our son. I've tried to read as much as I possibly can, to understand what OCD is, which is sometimes very distressing.

I'm not sure whether we're really ready to discuss this with our GP yet, but have managed to get as far as having very honest and open family conversations about our sons habits. We're a very close family and have promised each other, that no matter what happens, we'll keep talking and not keep secrets from each other.

BUT ... could we be doing more harm than good by waiting a while before we take this further?

(Thanks by the way, to everyone on here, it's comforting to know other people have been there ans survived)

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Welcome to the board Ruth, it does take a bit of courage to actually post doesnt it, but everyone is so supportive it soon becomes easy.

My son is 21 and looking back has suffered from OCD for at least 10 years, but it was only about 2 years ago everything suddenly fell into place and to be honest it was a bit of a relief to be able to put a name to all his problems. Looking back though I can see he had compulsions which came and went, may be because some of them went away I was able to bury my head in the sand.

Other people can advise you better than me, but now my son is 21 it is his decision how much help he wants (or doesnt want!) and perhaps if we are started when he was much younger it would have been easier to get him to cooperate. I would say get advice and strike whilst the symptoms are still mild I wish I hadnt put things off he missed so much in his teenage years.

Good luck

Carol

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Guest tangoblu

Hi Ruth and a big :welcome: to the site

It is great that you are so open and communicative as a family andit will stand you in good stead - it is so important and the very fact they you have been researching your son's behaviour is a really good thing.. knowledge is power it really is.

I remember how difficult it was for us to come to terms with the fact that our son was different - he was always rather quirky with his habits but we put it down to his personality...

At 13 he had a really sudden and extreme OCD outburst... almost like a breakdown .. it took us all by storm and it also forced us to face the fact that maybe there was something more to his behaviour that we needed to confront. Until then it had not taken over his or our lives. but at that point it did - our lives came to a standstill...

I think the hardest part was the feeling of guilt and what did we do wrong - it never crossed our mind that it would be nothing to do with us.. after all as a parent we spend most of our time wondering if we are doing the right thing!

Because of the sudden outburst we were really lucky and he was referred and seen very quickly.. he got the help he needed - and he was in fact signed off compeltedly only last week - he is coming up to 16.

He has his life back and so do we...

My advice would be to seek help if he is willing to do so - if he feels the OCD is infringing on his life then seek help now... but this is only my personal opinion... :whistling:

There are lots of wonderful supportive people here - they were a lifeline to us...

Take care

Pam

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Guest Cate

Hi Ruth

I understand how you feel, I only started posting on here myself about 4-6 weeks ago and it has helped me so much already.

My daughter is 13 and the OCD she has is hand washing and fear of becoming ill - you may have seen my postings. I believe this is called fear of contamination - if affects what she eats, she checks food labels all the time to make sure they are in date and she will only allow myself or herself to prepare her food.

I would suggest you get help from school as my daughter's school have been great. Her OCD has made her not want to go anywhere at times, this has been hard on my other daughter as sometimes we have had to change our plans. When she has been at her worse and refusing to go to school it has been so hard and emotional but by talking to others on here I got through the worse two weeks. The last week has been so much better and I feel in some ways that was down to me learning from others on this website that was she was going through was in common with other children who have ocd.

my daughter has weekly appointments with a child psycologist and some weeks it helps and other weeks it seems to make her worse. I feel it's a bit of a roller coaster really at the moment.

When she is having a major rant I have taken up walking around the garden and stroking our many guinea pigs and my rabbit - this helps.

Take care

Cate

x :original:

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Hi Ruth, welcome. :original:

It can take a great deal of courage for parents to approach the GP about symptoms. Many parents are very apprehensive about this I assure you.

The decision of when and if to seek treatment is yours of course but my personal feelings would be that if you are aware of these symptoms then there is a problem.

Like Pam, it took a particular incident for us to say enough is enough. Our son had reached a point of total meltdown and it couldn't continue.

It was scary, I don't mind admitting. I was really nervous getting other people involved and felt such a failure because I couldn't sort it all out myself.

Nothing could be further from the truth though.

If my son had a broken leg I wouldn't feel guilty for not "fixing it" I'd take him to a doctor who could, that would be my role as a parent. I guess it's just the same even though you can't "see" the problem.

Waiting is an option of course but as one of the earlier posters also said, treating mild symptoms may be easier than treating OCD which has erupted into every part of a childs life.

It's great that you have such a close family and this will be such a strength to you all.

Suddenly having to read all the information about OCD can be very daunting and frightening. Entering a would of psychiatry and psychology is scary. Your feelings are very understandable and I myself burst into tears the minute my sons doctor even mentioned the words child psychiatrist.

Well, as someone who's travelled that road for some years now, it's not that scary. :original:

It took some time and and a great deal of effort for my son to recover. But he also got his life back. He's not 100% symptom free but now understands what OCD is and that he has to fight back.

Try not to get caught up in the trap of worrying what the future holds Ruth, that can only add to your stress.

One other point to be aware of is the possibility of just how much impact this is having on your son. Compulsions I have heard, can occasionally occur without the obsessions BUT it's possible that the behaviours you are witnessing are only a small percentage of what your son could be coping with. It really is important for parents to be aware of this.

All the above is purely personal opinion and I assure you with time and experience things do get easier. If you do decide to seek treatment and your son may well need this in order to help himself, the territory does get less scary as it becomes familiar. :original:

Whatever you decide Ruth you are most welcome here, with you all the way! :thumbup:

Debx

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Guest Ruth1

Oh my goodness, thank you so much for replying. I feel quite overwhelmed that so many people actually care.

My husband and I spoke at length last night about our situation and have decided that we do need help. Initially, we've decided to visit the doctor without our son, so we can have a candid talk without any need for additional discomfort for him.

My natural instinct is to want to fix everything for him, as I've always been able to and it's tearing me up that I don't know how to do it with this. It's scary though, admitting to yourself that there really is a problem and knowing whether or not you're doing the right thing by taking it further. It's a bit like taking the lid off Pandoras Box, but I don't want to find ourselves in the future, regretting not seeking help earlier on.

It's so sad that OCD has such a stigma attached to it, that makes us even have to think, about whether we should seek help or not But you're quite right Deb, if he had a broken leg I wouldn't hesitate to seek advice. We must do this for our son and for ourselves - to be honest it's almost appealing being able to hand responsibilty for what to do over to someone else. Do you understand what I mean?

Thank you so much for your support, I can't tell you how much it means. xxx

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Guest Ruth1

Finally plucked up the courage to ring the GP today, only to be told that he's 'off sick' and they can give me no indication of when he will be back. I was offered another GP, but this particular one has already seen my son several times recently and I would like to see him rather than start from scratch with someone I don't know. I think I will leave it another week and hope it's not a long term absence.

My son had glandular fever leading up to Christmas last year, which started not long after beginning his first year at comp, in the September. All things told, it has been a stressful time for him since he started at the school. He needed to take time off while he was poorly, and we've thought that he was still struggling to regain full strength ever since, hence the many visits to the GP.

The school nurse has been fabulous with him, letting him rest in her office for a while to see if he feels better, before ringing me to come collect him. But I'm now convinced the stomach pains and sickness feelings he gets are connected with his fear of germs.

The more he talks to us about how he's actually feeling inside, the more the puzzle pieces fit together. He has a completely irrational fear of anything vaguely 'unclean', needing to wash his hands etc more than once to rid himself of the imagined threat. Even if he doesn't actually touch whatever it is, he often still needs to wash. I even noticed him trying to switch the light on with his elbow yesterday. The more I'm watching him, the more I'm seeing.

I never criticise if he needs to wash etc, just let him carry on and am trying very hard not to change the way we do things at home and so accomodate his fears. It seems I would only be compounding his thoughts if I did that. Am I right?

It makes me so sad to see my lovely, sweet, caring son struggling like this.

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Hi Ruth,

Lets hope the doctor is back soon, such a shame that you have reached a decision and he's not there. :dry:

It's interesting that you mentioned your son has been ill and I'm unsure whether you are aware of the possible link between strep infection and OCD onset.

I'm going to be totally honest and say I don't know a great deal about this, but there are other parents on the board who do and who may be able to explain better than I could.

There may be no connection to your sons illness at all but thought I'd mention it. :original:

The symptoms you mentioned do sound very familiar to OCD and you are right not to "accomodate" or assist in these.

It is a struggle sometimes and quite upsetting to watch your child struggling with something so unfair.

Hopefully treatment will help your son beat this ASAP. :original:

Let us know how you get on and don't forget this is very tough on you also. The forum is a great place to "talk". :a1_cheesygrin:

Take care,

Debx

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Guest shjames

Hi Ruth,

Sorry to hear about the troubles your son has been having lately. I understand not wanting to admit your son might have OCD, it's a condition that is poorly understood and has a certain stigma attached to it, unfortunately.

The good news is that you're seeking out help for your son early so he'll have the best possible chance for a positive outcome. Although the treatment can sometimes take time to adjust and find the right balance, it is effective and help your son reclaim his life. I find it interesting that you mentioned he was ill with an infection, my daughter was diagnosed with PANDAS after a strep infection.

I hope you can get in to see the Dr soon and you have a positive appointment.

Take care,

Shelly

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Guest Cate

Hi Ruth

Hope you are ok - hang in there. My daughter also struggled with life when she went to Senior school just before her 12th birthday. She is now nearly 14 and was diagnosed with OCD a few months ago.

I am here if you ever want to talk. It is hard watching them struggle with life and their OCD.

At the moment we are having a good week and I think this is down to all the help we have been getting at school and with her seeing a Psychologist. It is a slow process though as she has had 5 appointments and we have not got to how to help deal with the OCD yet. She is still washing her hands, worrying about becoming ill through uncooked food or picking up germs from others. She will not touch door handles. Her hands are so sore from washing and children at school comment.

Make sure you make time for yourself - I bought a good book from Amazon which helps.

Hope you have a good weekend

Cate

xx

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Guest Ruth1

Finally got to see the GP earlier today.

I was so worked up before we went, but am really glad we did. He was lovely. He knew exactly what we were talking about and even told us that he had half suspected our son may have some issues (bearing in mind how many times he's seen him lately). He discussed all the treatments available and gave us his recommendations, which we feel quite happy about.

What we're going to do is watch this very closely, to see how it develops but the doctor wants us to keep coming to see him regularly and to get the school involved. He had lots of practical advice for living with OCD and was very reassuring that we're doing the right things at home at the moment. He admitted to us that he is in fact a 'counter' himself, so has a real insight into the problems we're facing.

Whilst he was very much aware that early treatment can save many problems later on, he feels that our son has a very mild OCD, which could also be managed with maturity. If the problem seems to be getting worse, however he has offered to refer us to the Child Psychologist, who is based in the hospital which is almost next door to where we live. Apparenty the waiting list is not too bad in this area, so we feel quite comfortable with this 'wait and monitor' approach. We were quite relieved that he didn't just get his prescription pad out to be homest.

He finished the appointment of with an offer to come and see him for a chat whenever we need to, regardless of whether things have changed or not. I am so glad we went, it was a very positive experience, which has made me feel so much better about things. Thanks everyone for telling me to do it.

Now we just have to get on with things - EASY - watch this space!!! :lol:

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Thats fantastic Ruth!!

To find such a great GP who is so understanding must be very reassuring. :original:

Must be a weight off your mind. :a1_cheesygrin:

I have everything crossed that your son will be able to get through this experience himself without intervention but don't hesitate to talk to your doc again if you need.

Try not to worry too much, as a mum when my child was diagnosed I was on constant "OCD Patrol". Always on the look out. :dry:

I think that just added to the stress to be honest. By all means be aware, but enjoy every OCD free moment too!

Great news, take care and best wishes,

Debx

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Guest Ruth1

Hi Deb

I think you right about constantly being on'OCD Patrol', it's never far from my waking thoughts. I'm constantly on the look out for what he's doing and have to really bring myself into check not to say things. We forget to be kind to ourselves too, on occasions!

We've had a few really good days. He even coped with a sewer overflow in our front garden over the wekend without too much more washing. The whole family seems to have been less stressed because my son is.

It's great knowing I can talk to people here without having to explain everything first.

x

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Guest tangoblu

That is FANTASTIC news - how I wish all GPs were that switched on and supportive...

Try not to look for all OCD traits... just keep an eye out for things that take over real life....

Also try not to focus too much on the OCD but praise the things (however small) that he achieves :clapping:

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Guest Ruth1

I went in to see my sons school yesterday for the first explanation about his OCD. They were extremely helpful with many suggestions for the problems at school. One 'key' member of staff in particular was very knowledgable about OCD and it's treatments and they have not only offered my son support, but have invited me to discuss any concerns I have, with them at any time.

This is fantastic, as was the experience with the GP - so why do I feel so down today??????

It's suddenly all so real and my son 'officially' has OCD and it's never going to go away completely and I want to cry :weep: Is this how it was for all of you, or am I being pathetic?

I'm so busy trying to hold things together in front of my son, I feel like this is the only place I can be indulgent with my feelings right now.

xxxx

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Hi Ruth,

Yes, thats just how it was.

I think it took quite a long time for it to "sink in".

I can remember the actual time it finally did. My son's therapist came to our home to see him and he asked him to draw a picture of OCD.

The picture was so clear and definate I was biting my lip not to let it all go there and then but I knew I couldn't just as my son was "opening up". He was 5 at the time.

The best advice I could offer is to go easy on yourself. It will take time to adjust and the range of feelings and emotions can snowball and leave you exhausted.

I found that like yourself, as soon as everything was dealt with and the support in place i had the breathing space to really look at the situation and thats when it can be difficult.

It does take time Ruth but I promise it gets easier. You are doing all that you can for your son but don't underestimate the impact upon yourself, bit of TLC for mum can work wonders too. :original:

Your not alone in this, feel free to "vent" here whenever you need.

Sending a hug. :a1_cheesygrin: It does get easier. :thumb up:

Take care,

Deb

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Hi Ruth,

Just reading this thread........I felt I could almost have written it myself. The way you describe your fears when the thought that your son may have ocd, seeing your GP, talking to school, etc., It took me a while to get the support my son needed in school, but we did finally succeed. Its amazing how much of a difference the right kind of support makes, talking to your GP, and your sons teachers, will be a big help I'm sure.

I found the comment from your doctor, about the ocd being managed with maturity interesting.....I have always had a gut feeling that my sons ocd was made worse by the onset of puberty, I don't know if there is any medical evidence to support this, but as a mother I find I just get a feeling about these things sometimes. I noticed you replied to my post...........it is very difficult at times to watch as you said earlier

It makes me so sad to see my lovely, sweet, caring son struggling like this.

I know exactly what you mean, it can be heartbreaking. Don't despair things do improve, I wouldn't have believed it myself a year ago, but they do! ocd is :censored: but there is always someone on here ready to help.

I wish you and your son all the best.

Sue

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Guest Ruth1

Thanks for your lovely comments Deb and Soixante, they do help, really!

Soixante, I was interested in what you said about the maturity suggestion our doctor made. He was very much of the opinion that puberty is the time the OCD will get worse or become managed and felt that in our case (as my sons OCD is relatively mild), we would achieve little by therapy at the moment. I'm willing to go along with this for the time being, because he wants to monitor this so closely.

Did you mean you found it a concern that the doctor has this opinion or that you felt your son managed things better too with maturity?

Dear Lord, I'm starting to need reassurance almost as much as my son now :lol:

Hope everyone's weekend wasn't too trying.

xx

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  • 4 weeks later...

Hi Ruth,

No I didn't mean I was concerned that the doctor thought it would improve with maturity. I was interested because he had said it could become worse with puberty, or improve with maturity.

I wasn't aware my son had issues, (he did have quirky things I suppose, but don't we all?) until the onset of puberty, but like I explained on the other thread "ocd and puberty" I was looking for a "reason" mainly, and I suppose hoping that once he had gone through puberty the ocd would disappear as suddenly as it had appeared. I hadn't realised that my son had been having thoughts for a while, because he had been able to manage them pre puberty.

In my sons case he said he began to notice it just before he was 15, it got unbearable when he was around 15 and half, now he is almost 17 and most of the time he manages it. We still have major problems with some things, but overall it is much better. He has had a huge growth spurt, and his voice seems to be breaking now. I still don't know what to think made the improvement, probably several contributory factors. I am coping with it better, he has left school (he thought school was a extremely "dirty place") and he has been having CBT for a year now, he was also worried that if we told his dad he would think he was strange, he didn't he was quite understanding. Also the fact that ocd was a recognised illness helped, once he knew he wasn't going mad, he started to improve.

However I think the general opinion is, that ocd is made worse by stress, and kids are under a lot of stress around that age whether its through puberty or not.

Sue

I've just read thro all that.....I'm sure I've confused you even more......... :headslap:

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Guest Ruth1

Thanks for the reply soixante.

No, you haven't confused me even more ( you're lucky though, it doesn't normally take a lot :dry: ).

I think we're all secretly hoping the OCD will just suddenly go away suddenly one day, in the way it started, you're not on your own there. I'm inclined to agree with you though, about the maturity thing. Teenage years are a very stressful time and are bound to bring out some of the worst of OCD.

Things are pretty good with my son at the moment. He's still finding certain things difficult, but on the whole, I'd say he's having a bit of a 'purple patch' and mostly coping very well. Getting the school involved was the best thing I've done, it really seems to have taken a huge amount of stress away for him. All of the measures the school put in place for him (his own little escape routes !), he hasn't needed to use at all yet. Hope it lasts!!!!

I'm glad to hear your son is coping better. Long may it continue.

xxx

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  • 3 weeks later...
Guest tracey11

hi ruth,just to say that my heart breaks too everytime my son talks about the awful thoughts that are constantly going through his head.its so :censored: hard sometimes i just dont know what to do,but i smile and i talk to him and reasure him that he will indeed get better,as he is indeed making progress :clapping: and this is where i come to get my reassurance,thanks everyone.i hope things improve with your son ruth and for you too,traceyxx

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Hi folks,

I found getting school involved helped a lot - my son had been in trouble a lot - mainly because he was perceived as behaving unreasonably, refusing simple commands etc., he would almost have a fit if anyone sat where he normally sat, if anyone touched his work, took his pen or any of his equipment, he would refuse to take his jumper off in school because he worried it would become contaminated and he wouldn't be able to put it on again. He really was under a lot of pressure because he didn't want anyone to know about the ocd, and he used to "explode" occasionally. As part of the support in school, he was given a time out card - which he could show to a teacher and be able to leave the class and go somewhere "safe". There were also several teachers who he could go and talk to or sit with if he felt the need.

Once these things were in place his behaviour improved tremendously, and although he never used the time out card or needed to go and see the designated teachers it was enough just to have the support in place, in case he needed it.

Well school holidays looming for most of you, so that will be one thing less to worry about.

Sue x

Edited by Guest
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Guest Ruth1

Hi Sue

That's almost exactly my experience of getting the school involved. They gave my son a way out that his teachers would never challenge, so he can leave a class without explanation, and as yet (fingers crossed) he hasn't needed to use it. It's almost enough of a security blanket to know that he can if he wants too, therefore his stress levels are lower and he doesn't need to.

I actually love having the kids home from school (I'm one of the strange ones :a1_cheesygrin: ), so am really looking forward to it. Hope you have a good one too.

xx

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Hi Ruth,

I'm strange too, I like being with my kids too.....not so much kids now tho' 16 and 19 and unfortunately they no longer need or want to spend as much time with me :dry: They have there own interests and circle of friends, although we do get to share some together time occasionally.

Sue x

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