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Help - husband just diagnosed


Guest AJD

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I have been along with my husband to the doctors this morning after a bit of an episode yesterday, and although I should have seen it coming, the doctor said that he does have OCD and has prescribed him Prozac, which the doctor says he will have to take for the rest of his life. He is 33, I am 27. I can't believe this is happening. I can't deal with it. I feel so scared.

I have been having fertility treatment because I have PCOS. I felt like I was failing him anyway because I can't get pregnant, and now it feels like I have failed him even more for not avoiding this OCD.

How do you get through this?

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Guest tangoblu

Hi AJD and welcome to the forum :clapping:

It is a terrible shock when someone you love is diagnosed with a condition such as OCD - it can be very frightening but the OCD-UK website has a wealth of information and knowlede certainly helps.

There are a wide selection of recommended books you can read and with help and determination your husband can get his life back..

The people here are really supportive and we have all been there - one way or another...

Take care

Pam

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Hi AJD,

Sorry to hear about the problems you and your husband have been having.

Neither the OCD or PCOS are yours or anyones fault as you know but guilt, while many of us feel it, can be very destructive and draining. Not easy to get rid of I know, but well worth the effort.

What I would suggest is to be a little easier on yourself. :original: Your husbands diagnosis may have come as a shock even if you were expecting it and it does take a bit of time to work through how you feel about it all, particularly when you are already dealing with other stressful events in life such as the fertility treatment.

Has your husbands doctor suggested any form of therapy CBT etc? Unfortunately access to such services seem to vary greatly around the country but CBT can be very effective in the treatment of OCD.

As Pam said, take a look around, arm yourself with knowledge and don't forget we are here for support whenever you need. :hug:

Maybe your husband could benefit from the OCD forum?

Take care & best wishes

Debx

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Thank you both for replying. We have had the worst weekend. Now it has been confirmed its as if my eyes are open and now I can see just how bad he is. He didnt want to be left alone over the weekend so he came along with me to do the food shopping, but it was a disaster, from getting a trolley (which took him nearly twenty mins to choose one that looked okay) to packing the shopping, which resulted in him walking out of the supermarket. I was fighting back the tears at the checkout.

We have had about 4 hours sleep, he keeps getting up to wash his hands, roughly every 20 mins, turn the lights on and off, and keeps flushing the toilet. The number 9 seems to be a bad number for him, so if he gets to the 9th time he has checked something, he then has to start the whole process over again.

He won't touch me or sleep in the same bed as me. I slept on the floor downstairs last night.

The doctor didnt say anything about any treatment. Just prescribed the tablets and said we probably wouldnt see any change for about 3 months. He didnt offer me any advice as to how I can help my husband - am I supposed to try and stop him doing these things? He just shouts at me when I try and help.

What is CBT?

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Hi AJD,

It seems very sad that your husbands doctor has given yourself and hubby no information or advice. :wontlisten:

Not that uncommon though I'm afraid. :dry:

As Shar quite rightly pointed out, the compelling feelings your husband has to complete these compulsions are extremely difficult, sometimes almost impossible to ignore. No one is to blame for this though, it's no ones fault.

The feelings you may have about it all now may be very upsetting and confusing and it is for this very reason why educating yourself about OCD is one of the most important options available to you. There is nothing more frightening than when OCD is unfamiliar and we don't know how to deal with it.

I promise you that most of us family members have been there. It can take a while to understand and come to terms with things and even longer to learn how to respond. Many people do find that it gets easier though, even if it doesn't feel that way now.

Try to avoid "helping" your husband to carry out these compusions as it doesn't usually help. It is your husband who must find ways to "fight back" and resist and this is where CBT comes in, to help the sufferer challenge the OCD and find ways to deal with it.

The medication your husband has been given will hopefully result in a reduction of his symptoms and give you both more stability and peace of mind.

The symptoms you describe about your husbands behaviour are very common in OCD, even though they may appear very odd or strange which can be quite scary and upsetting.

One other vital piece of advice, if you can take a break from this situation, do. OCD is incredibly hard on the sufferer but family members find it difficult too and taking care of yourself is very important. If you have family and friends that can help support you, this can also be something of a lifeline at times like this.

You are not alone here, people will try and support you and understand.

Debx

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Hello again. Just replying to say that my husband and I went back to the doctors to ask about more help, they have referred us to the hospital for therapy. Sadly we have to wait 2 months or so for an appointment.

I have shown him this website and he has been reading some posts, but dosent feel able to write something himself. We have also ordered some books and are hoping that they come soon.

He is off work, and I have taken some holiday. He seems to have hit rock bottom but I am hoping it will improve. Does it get better? We are both worried that he won't be able to go back to work, and that I can't go back to my job because he can't be alone.

I am trying really hard to be supportive and not lose my temper, I did lose it yesterday and threw a bowl across the kitchen, he wasnt angry with me, he was more worried that it meant we had an odd number of bowls in the cupboard and asked if he could smash another one so that made it even, sounds crazy but its true! We are hanging on in here but we can't see an end to it. He is worrying about everything from the clothes he wears to eating food. I am trying to tell him to take everything one step at a time and I am also encouraging him to try and stop himself doing one or two things a day if he can.

Thanks for being here for us - I have sent off my membership form to join OCD-UK.

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We were desperate for help again this morning, after he calmed down a bit yesterday. It seems to be really bad for him in the morning, he can wake at 5am and just panic about the day ahead. getting washed and dressed can take more than an hour. He was so dissapointed because after feeling good he felt he had got worse. I phoned the hospital and said that he had been referred but that we needed some advice whilst we wait for our appointment. I left my telephone number and about an hour later the Consultant phoned me back. (impressive - huh?) The consultant said that my husband and I must go back to work, that being at home is making the condition worse. He also said that I must get firm with my husband and not let him carry on doing things over and over. So I am trying to carry out that advice, but in a calm way.

He had a short sharp pain in his head and now he is worried that it is the prozac making him sick, I keep telling him over and over that its not, that people get aches and pains now and again. I think he just got a stuffy head because we are spending so much time indoors.

I really think the more he goes outside and does things to distract himself, the better he will feel. Its just so hard to get him out and keep him busy.

We are both going to go back to work on Monday. The consultant also said that my husband should tell his employer about his condition, so that they understand, but I can't convince him to do that. He is too embarrased. But I feel, as long as he goes back to work that's the main thing. He was having problems at work because he kept doing things over and over, so if he say's that thats happening again then we will have to tell his boss. If over the weekend I can encourage him to tell himself that ONCE IS ENOUGH then perhaps work on Monday will be okay for him. I know it won't be solved overnight, that it takes ages, but I just need to find some normality again.

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Hi AJD,

It really can be difficult when your stuck in the middle of this and OCD is affecting pretty much everything. It can be very stressful for everyone concerned so please post whenever you need to let off any steam. :original:

I find it a bit difficult to give you advice as I'm not a partner but with my son who is a sufferer, I do find that distraction really does help.

Also, even though school can cause lots of problems because of the OCD and anxiety I do find that school holidays can make things even worse. It seems that the more time he spends having nothing to do at home, the more OCD torments him.

Now children and adults and school and work may be completely different but perhaps the result of having so much time on your hands is the same regardless of age?

I'm really glad to hear that you were able to speak to a consultant. :clapping: However, please be aware that when you speak with professionals a professional opinion is what your going to get and sometimes this can mean that YOU'RE overlooked.

The consultants advice sounds fair enough but do also look after yourself, I couldn't stress enough how important that is.

It sounds early days with the Prozac, did the GP give any indication how long it would take to see any benefits? Some medications can take a while.

Hang on in there, there are ways through this.

Debx

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Thank you for your message. I am finding that the advice I was given on the telephone is actually painfully difficult to carry out. My husband got called into work a shift on Sunday. (He works at a hotel doing cleaning and maintenance work) When he got the phone call he went into a complete panic and we ended up having a huge row. I handled it really badly. I didn't recognise how much anxiety seems to be involved with his OCD.

My biggest problem is asking him to recognise when he is having an OCD moment and asking him not to give into it. I am not sure when I am expecting too much from him or when he just can't be bothered to fight it. I have had moments when I think he dosent want to get better, he wants to carry on like this. I actually found myself setting a deadline (in my mind) saying if he is not better in one year then I am going to leave him.

That sounds really horrible dosent it? I just want him to get better so much sometimes I am not very sympathetic. I just feel like I am going to be caring for him for the rest of my life.

He has been given a date for what the hospital called a 'Screening' appointment. Something that takes place before the therapy starts. Does anybody know what will happen?

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Hi AJD,

That sounds really horrible dosent it?

No, it sounds human and thats just what we are. :original:

What your both dealing with is very, very difficult to cope with so please go easy on yourself. :original:

Hopefully your partner will be recieving some good treatment soon and even though it may not feel like it now, recovery is very possible and things can become considerably calmer.

I think the screening appointment is really just an assessment of how things stand and to discuss the best options and treatment but I'm not 100% so hopefully someone will correct me if I'm wrong. :original:

Hope things are calmer now, your feelings are very normal under the circumstances.

Good luck with the appointment, let us know how it goes.

Take care of u too.

Debx

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I am sorry to post again but its getting worse. My husband was throwing up at 3am this morning. It has completely taken over and he fears every move he makes. He thinks that everything he does will result in something bad happening. I remind him about the Four Steps but he says that he has many urges all at the same time and he dosent know how to deal with them all. He is constantly asking me if its okay to do this or okay to do that, can he just have two pieces of toast although he normally has three, or he can't finish his apple but if he throws it in the bin then what will happen to the apple???????? I don't understand how he can worry about an apple. He seems terrified of everything, I don't recognise him anymore as my husband. I am staying calm and not shouting at him, just telling him he can do it and trying to calm him down. But he seems to have lost all control. Is something else happening now or is this part of it? Should I phone the hospital again?

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Hi AJD,

Untreated OCD can run riot. :wallbash:

I honestly didn't personally see anything in your post to suggest that this is anything other than OCD ( I'm not saying that that isn't possible) it does sound as though OCD has quite a firm hold just now though.

I don't think it could do any harm to ring the hospital and explain the situation. If you explain to the consultant just how severe things have become they may be able to advise you. Is it a long wait untill the screening appointment?

I remember you mentioned that your husband was prescribed Prozac very recently. It really can take time to find a medication that a) works for the individual and b) is taken at the right dose.

In your shoes I think I would ring for advice. These people are there to help and you have every right to access support.

Don't be sorry about posting, thats what we're here for. :original:

Let us know how you get on and remember, you have every right to ask for advice. Thats a very sensible course of action.

Debx

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After all the sickness Tuesday morning, my husband went to work and managed to do a full shift. I went out with my friends last night, but when I came back he was really suffering. We chatted for a while then we both eventually fell asleep. Today, however he has been sent home from work again. He was worrying about everything again and being sick. He got a bit paranoid about his colleagues and was apologising over and over to them. He rang me at my place of work and I phoned the hospital to get advice. They said that the Doctor would call my husband at home and that I must phone our GP.

The GP said that he must increase his prozac immediatly and come to the surgery tommorrow if he is still vomiting. I feel awful for going out last night, was it my fault that this happened? I wanted him to get used to being on his own because I am going away for a long weekend next Friday. I don't know if I am going to be able to go now, I am just worried about him all the time.

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Guest Ruth1

Hi AJD

Sorry to read about your troubles, things must be very difficult for you at the moment.

Please don't feel guilty about spending a little time with your friends, you have to look after yourself too and will be no support to your husband at all, if you burn yourself out. It's very stressful caring for someone with OCD and you can't possibly make everything right all the time.

There will always be times when you can't be there, and whilst that may seem impossible right now, I'm sure, with treatment, things will get slowly easier for you both. Accept all the help and support you can get and keep nagging the doctors / hospital until you get that help.

Is there a close friend or family member that could help out for your weekend away? I've found myself, that 'spreading the load' a little has helped enourmously - whilst you will still probably feel ultimately responsible for your husbands care, it may just give you a little breathing space whilst thngs are so diificult.

Take care, and keep posting - everyone understands exactly where you're coming from here :hug:

x

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Hi AJD,

You mustn't blame yourself. :wontlisten:

No one can tell you whether you should or shouldn't go away for the weekend but it is good to remember about limiting OCD's influence and impact.

Ruth made a good point, is there a close family member or friend who is aware of the situation who may be able to help while your away?

Debx

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Thanks for your replies. My husband has been back to the GP who has now prescribed him something called Diazepam. I am worried but have to assume that the GP knows what's what. Is it common for OCD sufferers to sometimes take Prozac and Diazepam together?

I spoke to my husband's employer last night and told her everything that has happened. She was lovely and said that she will keep an eye on him whilst he is at work.

He has agreed to stay with his Mother whilst I am away next weekend. I am going to print off some information for her so she understands how she can support him whilst I am away. I hope she dosent think I am patronising her, I just want her to understand his now,very concerning, behaviour.

I wish he could bring himself to give me a cuddle. I miss him so much.

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Hi AJD,

I was just reading thro this read.....and wanted to add my small contribution.

My son and I are living proof that there is hope....this time last year my son had just been diagnosed (June actually, but I had my suspicions since February) we went to our GP who referred us to the child and adolescent unit, it was a couple of months before we saw anyone.....however once my son realised he wasn't "the only one" and that he wasn't "going mad", he wasn't as depressed. I was in the depths of despair for most of the time, and ended up having a few months off work to look after him - I was also "stressed out" for much of the time. I don't know exactly when things improved, I suppose it was a gradual process, and I can't really say that one thing was the answer, it has probably been a combination of things. Therapy, support from people who we thought might not be supportive, I also bought some Omega 3, 6 and 9 capsules because I had read somewhere they were good for depression, summer (easier to dry the laundry mountain) I look back to last year (what a nightmare) and can clearly see how things have improved....things may get worse again, but at least now we know there is relief from the monster that is ocd.

I know how hard it is, but do try to find time for yourself as well....it does help.

Hang on!

Have courage, thinking of you and sending you a hug :original:

Edited by Guest
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Hi AJD,

I'm so glad to hear that your husbands employer was understanding. :clapping:

From your posts it is pretty clear that you are doing everything that you can to support him now.

Do try to hold on and enjoy your weekend away all that you can.

Soixante is right, things can improve so much. It can be so despairing when OCD has such a firm hold over everything in your lives and very difficult to look forward but you WILL get through this.

I'll see what I can find out about Diazepam for you. :original:

Stay strong,

Deb

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At last something positive has happened! My husband's boss has changed the work that my hubby will be doing. He is going to have a different list of jobs every day, no two days ever being the same.

They have also teamed him up with another member of staff who suffered from OCD a few years ago, so he will never be alone at work and the person he is with understands how to handle OCD moments.

I hope that this will encourage him to keep going to work every day and he won't have such a struggle in the mornings anymore.

He took two diazepam yesterday, he really calmed down and was actually smiling! Eventually he fell asleep on the sofa (one of his favorite pastimes) and eventally climbed the stairs to bed.

I know he only slept because of the drugs, but its sleep he badly needed all the same.

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I'm really pleased for you both AJD. :original:

Your husbands boss really sounds as though she wants to be supportive. :clapping:

With regard to your question about taking Prozac with Diazepam, It would seem that this is not too unusual.

I would guess that the GP has prescribed Prozac to help control the OCD which may take time to reach it's maximum potential but Diazepam helps to calm and relax patients in the short term. Or thats how I understand it anyway. :original:

Even though this "calmness" may be the result of medication for the moment, it can really help if we can witness that things CAN be ok again.

It is moments like these on which you will both hopefully draw strength from and expand on.

Wishing you both a peaceful weekend.

Debx

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  • 2 weeks later...

I got back from a long weekend with my Mother yesterday. I was worried about going home and finding my husband had got worse whilst I was away. I had phoned him everyday whilst I was away, the first two calls were okay but the last phone calls before my return I could tell that he was suffering.

When I got home I could tell that he had been giving into his OCD and he had forgotten how to stop himself doing things, But my absence hadn't seemed to have done too much damage, he wasnt having any more panic attacks. The break away did give me time to think about everything and although I felt guilty I am glad I went.

Today we went to the hospital for his screening appointment. We saw two Clinical Psychologist's. We talked together for about 45 mins about his OCD and things that may have possibly started this whole episode. They were nice and never made us feel like we had said the wrong thing.

We were sent out of the room for a little while (so they could talk about us!) then they called us back in and we were told that he would eventually get 12 therapy sessions. But that there are going to be cut backs at the hospital and that this therapy service was one of the things that is going to be axed. (great) Hopefully that won't be before he has finished his treatment.

So now we just have to sit on the waiting list for a bit. We both feel a bit better to have talked to them, but it dosent give us any immediate answers. We are both aware that it could be years before he is better. We will just try and get on with it the best we can.

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Guest Confused_Wife

Hi AJD

Sorry to hear about your hubby's and your tough time at the moment. Watching someone suffer with OCD is very difficult but there are people out there who can help. This forum has helped me, and everyone understands what you both are going through.

I found it was helpful to keep pushing the GP for help. We were referred to the local mental health team as a couple - yes the waiting lists are long, but worth the wait. My hubby had CBT to help him learn how to fight the OCD (he constantly checks doors etc and also doubts his decisions too) - this really helped him. I was also invited to see his consultant on a monthly basis. This meant I could tell them how I thought he was (you would notice things that your hubby might not be aware of, and you might find it easier to tell good days from bad ones). Also I learned from the consultant how best to help my hubby (not doing things for him was very valuable advice). It'll be a slow process to help him to cope with his OCD, but get all the help you can from the mental health teams and make the GP your friend. Things can and will improve.

Also, your hubby might find Prozac takes some getting used to, but things will improve in a few weeks. Again, visit the GP often and tell him how you are both feeling. You mentioned Diazepam? My hubby was on Seroxat antidepressant (similar to Prozac) and took Diazepam for a very short time to get him over a bad patch. He's now off the Seroxat completely and on Anafranil (a different type of antidepressant). But the thing that helped most was the CBT.

Good luck. I hope things get better for you. Keep posting to the forum, we are here to help.

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  • 2 weeks later...

HELP! Huge problem. After feeling sick last week and having absent period I did a pregnancy test at the weekend and it was positive.

Husband and I both in shock, now husband not speaking to me.

I must be at least 2 months because we havent had sex for what seems like ages.

I don't know what I am going to do. I can't have a baby with him while he is like this.

Please tell me what to do.

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Dear AJD

Just had to reply to your post, although I probably cant be much help. It is my son who suffers from OCD so I do know some of what you are going through with your husband.

First of all, I think you need to take a deep breath, unplanned pregnancy is never easy and many babies come into the world in far from ideal circumstances. Perhaps a trip to the doctors just to confirm what you suspect might be a good idea. Maybe as you mention before, you could see the psychologists again as a couple to help you talk about things, your circumstances have afterall changed.

Whatever you decide you will always cope with much more than you ever suspect you can, speaking as someone whose daughter had leukaemia (now recovered) and whose son has suffered for many years from ocd (most undiagnosed), you will cope and of course your husband knows deep down it takes two to make a baby :original:

Good luck, your baby could turn out to be the most beautiful blessing you have ever had.

Edited by Guest
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Thanks CarolJ. Had it confirmed at the doctors and I am eight weeks. After the shock at the weekend my husband and I have talked, and talked. I know its not going to be easy but I can only be hopeful for the future. I am under strict instructions not to get stressed out and we have banned talking about some subjects until I am over 12 weeks. We will worry about those things then.

Because I am so sick and sleepy all the time, my husband has had to start doing things around the house again. And good news - he has his first therapy session next week. He was so pleased to get that letter.

He is still struggling and trying to fight compulsions, but he really is trying his best.

Thanks for your support.

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